A Court of Snow and Storms

45. Traditions Old and New

Wynter sat near the bed, watching Ellie as she slept. It had been several hours since they returned to Nivis and she hadn't woken once. He'd summoned a healer to look her over, but it seemed Mikael had already done everything for her that they could.

A letter appeared on the table nearby. Wynter retrieved it and read hastily. He tipped his head back with a sigh of relief. Everyone had made it home all right. Cyrus, Lev, Mikael, Colette, and Kallias were back at the palace, along with everyone who had been in the clearing. As soon as Ellie felt ready, they'd attend to the fates of those who had kidnapped her.

Wynter rubbed his forehead wearily, his thoughts spinning in circles. He set the letter aside and closed his eyes. What do I do now? He wondered. How can I send her away after all of this? How can I ask her to stay? Look at what has happened to her because of me. His skin crawled with self loathing.

Wynter covered his face with his hands. Ellie had been through so much because of him. She'd almost been killed by Melantha's corpses. She'd been dragged to the Dawn Court and forced to stay with complete strangers. She'd spent a year reaching out to him, only to be turned away. She suffered beatings from her uncle because she showed kindness towards him. He had almost killed her himself. She had been kidnapped and held hostage because of him. And now...

"Wyn?" Ellie rasped, blinking her eyes open. One stared right through him while the other met his gaze.

Wynter bit his lip, tears misting his vision. He dropped to his knees beside her, taking her hand into his own. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Ellie. You don't deserve this. Any of this." He kissed her knuckles, even as tears dripped down his cheeks. "You don't deserve me."

"But I want you," Ellie protested. "Only you. Forever and always, remember?"

Wynter shook his head, cupping her cheek in his hand. "And I want you to be safe. As long as your name is tied to mine, you won't be."

"I don't care."

"I do."

Ellie watched him, sorrow and resolution flooding her crystal eye. "You care, Wynter, but you care too much. You care too much about others and too little about yourself. I know you feel unworthy and broken, but you aren't. Not in my eyes. Not in the eyes of the people who matter."

"All I want is to be there for you. I want to support you and love you. I want to protect you. I want to be here to comfort you when you dream about Melantha. I want to remind you that the insults directed towards you are not true, and you don't deserve them. I want to help you find your way again. Back to your parents. Back to your people. Back to me." Ellie brought her slender hand up to his cheek. Wynter closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.

"You are my mate, Wynter," Ellie continued. There was a gentle tug on the Bond. "I love you. I don't care what has been done to you. I don't care what Melantha forced you to do. I don't care what the people say about you. None of it changes the way I see you. You are brave, strong, beautiful, and kind. You are a prince. A knight. A savior. You are worthy of so much. You deserve more than I can give."

"I am yours completely. I always have been, and I always will be. No matter how many times you push me away. No matter how many times you wake from a nightmare and mistake me for someone I'm not. No matter how many times you panic or break down. I am yours. I will be there for you when you need me, and even when you don't. I love you."

Wynter drew her close, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you too," he murmured. "But I don't trust myself with you."

"I do," Ellie replied. "And I trust myself too. It will take time to readjust, Wyn, but you can do it. You've been doing it for weeks. Months. You just have to keep going, and ask for help when you need it."