A Court of Snow and Storms

19. Memories Bring Back Memories

"How are you doing? How are you really doing?" Mikael asked as he and Wynter walked along a veranda outside the Palace.

Wynter rubbed his arms, struggling to find the right words. "I'm...better. A little bit, anyway. I've gone out with Father on business more often and I've started going out on my own. I answer letters from my mother now."

"That's good. Do you still have nightmares?"

"Yes," he admitted. "Not as frequently, but they're still awful. And sometimes panic overwhelms me before I can stop it."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Wynter shook his head. "I don't think there's anything anyone can do. We can't escape our memories. They have ways of finding us, no matter the lengths we travel to avoid them."

"You're right," Mikael sighed. "I still wish I could do something. What change came about that started making you feel better?"

Wynter kept his gaze focused on the path ahead as he answered, "Ellie." Mikael waited for him to explain. "She visited me every other day for the past year. I never let her in, but she sat outside for about an hour, talking to the guards before leaving. She gave Cyrus Hawthorne letters for me, even though I never replied."

"I had no intention of ever interacting with her, but she came one night when one of the younger guards had been drinking on duty, and Cyrus was running late. They got into an argument and he tried to hit her. I stepped in and made him leave. I brought her inside and took care of her as best as I could. It was instinct." Wynter brushed a stray lock of white hair from his face. "And no matter how hard I try, I haven't been able to push her away again since."

"You let her see you now?"

Wynter nodded. "She visits me almost everyday. We just talk and tell each other stories from our past while we do things together. Sometimes we're just sitting. She's shown me how she likes to dry flowers. I let her sit on Bruma while I lead him around. We've played games. She even brought her youngest cousin to see me once." And Wynter had adored the child from the moment he gave her Bongo and watched her play with him.

"Does she know?"

Wynter glanced at Mikael. "Does she know what?"

Mikael flashed him an incredulous look. "You know exactly what I mean."

"You...You know? How? I never told you. I never told anyone. I..." Wynter rubbed his arms harder, his hands growing cold.

"Easy, Wyn," Mikael murmured. "I haven't told anyone and I'm not going to. I pieced it together after I brought her here before we killed Melantha. I suspected when we saw her in Nivis that one time. Her behavior towards you, even though you didn't really know each other, is what made me seriously question it. Using her to goad your instincts into action is what confirmed it." Wynter exhaled slowly, still rubbing his arms. "I'm guessing she doesn't know?"

He shook his head, counting in between breaths. "No one does. No one knew, but Melantha... She figured it out. That's why she sent corpses after Ellie. Did you know that I truly believed she was dead? After Melantha left me in the dungeons with the others, she threw Ellie's head at me."

He could see it as clearly as the day it had happened. Her dark hair limp, eyes glazed over, and mouth frozen in a scream. "And I couldn't convince myself that it wasn't real," Wynter murmured. "Even though I knew we'd warned you. Even though I knew you would go after her and protect her for me."

"Wyn..." Mikael began.

"That's not all. Do you know how Melantha figured it out?" Wynter met Mikael's gaze. "I kept it so well hidden that Melantha thought I still didn't know her name. She shapeshifted, making herself look like Ellie. She said it was a gift. I could have her that way. I snapped and tried to kill her. That is what caused this." He jerked a hand across the jagged scars on his throat. "I almost killed her, and then she realized the truth. I lost focus and she slit my throat with. Her. Nails."