A Court of Snow and Storms

28. I am Here

Wynter blinked, his panic fading somewhat. "Ellie?" he whispered. He was still shaking uncontrollably.

"Yes."

It was Ellie. He almost sobbed with relief. It wasn't Melantha. He wasn't still chained up in her bedroom. He was in his own room. In his own bed with Ellie.

"What can I do?" Ellie asked.

"I don't know."

"Do you want me to leave?"

Wynter swallowed, still not lifting his head. "No."

"Do you want me to sit by you?"

"No. Stay there, please. Don't...don't try to touch me."

"All right. I won't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

Wynter began counting as he rubbed his arms, focusing on his breathing. "What did I do?"

"You just started mumbling, then screaming and jerking around. You were crying too, but your tears froze as soon as they hit your skin. You were so cold. It hurt to touch you."

Wynter lifted his head slightly, gazing at his palm. It was coated in frost. It faded as he forced himself to relax. "What was I saying?"

"You kept yelling 'I don't want to.' Was it a dream about...Her?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Wynter was silent for several minutes. Finally, he said, "She made herself look like you once. She didn't know that I knew who you were. She shapeshifted and told me I could have her that way, so that I'd think it was you." Tears dripped down his cheeks. "I nearly killed her, but she said something that terrified me and I lost focus. She slit my throat with her nails."

"Your scars," Ellie murmured.

"She let me bleed out until I was certain I was going to die, but then she healed me. She told me..." His voice caught. "She told me that she was going to kill you that same way, and she wanted me to know what you were going to feel."

"But she didn't kill me."

"And when I was thrown in the dungeons with the others, dressed like a king while they were undergoing different forms of torture, she gave me your head."

As long as he lived, he would never forget that moment. It was seared into his brain, and no matter how many times he saw that Ellie was alive, he wouldn't be able to forget it. "I thought it was real. I couldn't convince myself that it wasn't."

"How long did you believe I was dead?"

"I don't know, Ellie. I don't even know how long I was really there. I don't know how much time passed from when I arrived, to when the others were brought in, and every moment in between. I don't know how many hours I was with her. I don't know how many hours I was by myself."

"I just know that it was long enough that she used you against me all the time. She kept your head on a pedestal in her bedroom. She made me..." His stomach churned again. Wynter rubbed his arms harder. "She made me...take her...always at an angle where I could see you. Your head. Your mouth frozen in a scream. Your eyes wide with fear."

"Wyn, please look at me."

Somehow, he managed to lift his head. Ellie sat with her legs crossed, arms hugging a pillow to her chest. Her eyes were glossy with tears. He loosed a heavy breath, lowering his gaze again.

"I am here," she said. "I'm alive. I was never dead. I was never harmed. I'm real. This is real. Your dream, your memories... They aren't. Not anymore. Melantha is dead. You are free. You are safe." Wynter swallowed hard, then nodded, but he couldn't make himself move away from the wall. "If she weren't already dead, I'd chop her head off myself."

His lips tilted up. "Sometimes I think you have a violent side that I have yet to see."

"I don't. Not really, but I would do whatever it took to protect you." Wynter glanced at her. Ellie tugged her braid over her shoulder, toying with the end of it as she blushed. "It's stupid, I know. You're a trained warrior. I'm just me. I couldn't do much to protect you, but...I would try."

"You might not be trained, but you're a warrior. Mikael told me how you hacked the head off a corpse that grabbed you. You stood your ground against Lev as long as you were able. I know you stand your ground against your uncle. You cut me free from ice of my own making. You forced me to live when I was convinced I wanted to die. I feel safe, knowing you would try to protect me."

"You don't have to coddle my feelings, you know," she chuckled.

"I'm not." Wynter smiled faintly. "I do feel safe with you around." He stood on weak legs and returned to the bed. Ellie began to move, but he shook his head. "You can stay there. I feel a little better."

Still, she scooted over. He would have kissed her, if he didn't think he'd vomit when he tried. Wynter sat down and Ellie wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, careful not to touch him, especially where his skin was showing. Her gaze lingered on the scars across his throat.

"She did that with her nails?" Ellie asked.

"Her nails were more like talons."

"That explains your..." She hesitated and he gave her a small nod. "Your back."

"Punishments, and when I was doing something that was particularly pleasing to her," he rasped. He could still feel the sharp spike of pain as she dug her nails into his shoulder blade and side, urging him to go harder. Her legs would wrap around his hips to keep him from drawing back. She'd hold him there, giving him no choice but to...

"Wyn," Ellie called. "Are you here?"

"Partially." He wrapped the blanket tighter around himself, catching a whiff of Ellie's sweet peppermint and vanilla scent.

She sighed. "I have to go soon."

"I'll be all right." Maybe he'd just shut himself in the bathroom and let his body go numb for a while.

Ellie shifted closer to him, their knees brushing through the blankets. "I won't leave until Colette gets here. I don't want you to be alone. Will you go downstairs and stay with her after I leave?"

Wynter met her gaze and found concern waiting there, along with something more. His walls broke. He needed her. Needed her warmth. Her scent. Her comfort. He slumped forward and Ellie caught him, pressing her cheek to the top of his head. She rubbed her hands down his arms, the blanket still in between them. She didn't wrap her arms around him. She did nothing that made him feel trapped or held there.

Wynter closed his eyes, listening to the beat of Ellie's heart beneath his ear. She was here. She was alive. This was real. He found the strengthening tether in his chest and caressed it, unable to bring himself to touch her beyond what they were already doing. Weariness tugged at his mind, accompanied by a sense of security. Ellie wouldn't be there when he woke, but she was there now. That was enough.

As he drifted off once more, he thought he heard faint whispers. They could've been by his ear, or mumbled into his hair, but they sounded closer. Clearer. Like they were his own thoughts. And they said, I am here, my Prince. I won't leave you. You are safe. No one will hurt you again. I'm here, Wyn. I am here.