Once A Warbler (Huntbastian)

Chapter 38

Sebastian's POV

Walking into school I felt weirdly lighter and heavier at the same time if that's even possible. I guess I'm just a complicated mess in my head. My entire life up to this point has also been complicated and I can't help but feel sad and angry that I was robbed of a normal childhood. 

I could have had a less fucked up time if my parents came into my life sooner. Maybe if I wasn't born then they'd be happier. Though as much as I want to blame myself for something because I feel like I've caused a lot of shit just by existing, deep down in my heart and head I know that's not true. It's my grandpa's fault for raising my uncle to be like that. It's my aunt's fault for keeping me as her own son, kidnapping me from her own sister, instead of letting my parents have barely any form of contact. 

I wish all of the fucked up parts in my life just didn't exist, but I guess it's lead to some character growth or development......right? Maybe I needed an unconventional upbringing to make me the person I am today. To be honest......I'm just very confused. 

Though thinking about it, why should I worry and stress about those things? I'm still a kid. Of course not every kid's life is spared this mental struggle, but maybe it wouldn't hurt that much to just push it aside and be happy for once. I've been through a lot and so have my parents. I think after everything we deserve the chance to have a somewhat normal and happy family.......maybe this is the time.

I still have time to be a kid and my parents still have time to spend with me before I grow up. Or at least before I grow up more......mentally and emotionally at least. I don't think I'm going to get any taller, but who knows. 

I can't help but feel a bit bad that it took me this long to finally get this close with my parents, even to the point of being a little clingy. I understand that recovering from trauma isn't easy and I shouldn't blame myself for taking it slow, but still. I feel like I should make it up to them and myself for not spending quality family time together since I was still a bit afraid to get too close.

Maybe we should have like family movie or game night......I don't know. We already eat dinner together every night, but maybe we should do things for like family bonding. Or maybe just being there is enough. All I want to do is to create good childhood memories while I can. As much as I regret that I didn't get to do certain things with them, I also know they must regret not experiencing certain milestones in my life. 

As I organized my locker a bit, I knew now I should just live my life. I'm not being abused or bullied anymore, I'm in glee club and headed for Regionals, I have a good boyfriend, good friends, I'm close to my parents, I have a dog, and mediocre grades. Life is pretty good when I think about it. My dad also told me that he'll deal with my grandparents and make sure they don't bother us anymore. I think I heard him mention something about a restraining order. Just knowing that the dark parts of my family are being handled and I don't have to think about it. I probably still will though, but you know.

I was feeling a bit more positive despite my somewhat conflicted mood, but that's probably because I didn't sleep that well last night. It was just my luck that my first period showed a movie because we had a substitute. Speaking of having a sub, turns out Mr. Schuester got a cold and was out sick. Hopefully he gets better soon since Regionals is in less than a week.

My other classes weren't that eventful either and no one really bothered me. Made me look forward to lunch in hopes of being somewhat more entertaining. Maybe Kurt or Mercedes has some new gossip to share. Even Puck has his fair share of gossip too, albeit it's more chaotic than the latter. Though as I got my food from the line and took a seat, they all gave me strange and slightly concerned looks. I was a bit confused, but soon realized why as Finn spoke up.