Those Ocean Eyes

Chapter 27

"Morning, Moony!" Sirius said cheerfully as Remus rubbed his eyes and stretched.

Remus didn't know what to make of his revelation from last night. He told himself he was just being silly, but his mind kept coming back to the way Sirius would brush his hair out of his eyes, or he would bounce excitedly whenever at a Quidditch game.

And suddenly it was like Remus didn't know how to hold a conversation anymore. They would start by having their usual witty banter, then Remus would remember he liked him, and it would be awkward.

Sirius thought something was wrong, and kept asking Remus what he could do to help, but all Remus needed was distance.

He knew he couldn't be friends with Sirius if he was in love with him. So either he forced himself out of it, or he stopped being friends with Sirius Black.

Soon, he learned, it wasn't possible to just 'not be friends' with Sirius. Sirius tried to include Remus in conversation as much as possible, bringing up all the inside jokes and pranks they had done.

Remus looked forward, now, to full moons, because it meant he could just be, without the thoughts of his friend in his mind.

Remus knew he had to tell someone soon, or he'd implode in on himself.

"Lily," Remus said hesitantly one day as they were studying in the library, "I like this...girl...and I'm kind of friends with her, so it's making things awkward. What should I do?" Remus twisted his hands in his lap, feeling the small scars on his hands, reminding him of Sirius's veiny but attractive wrists.

"Oh, Marlene's having the same problem! Sorry, I wasn't supposed to tell you that." Lily smiled apologetically. "Well. Just try and forget about her when you're talking to her. Imagine you're talking to me, instead."

Remus nodded. No more awkward conversations if he was talking to Lily instead.

"And try to act normal. She's still your friend." Lily tucked her vibrant hair behind her ears. "So, who is this girl anyway?"

"Oh. Um. It's... Marlene." Remus said nervously.

"Remus. I'm sorry. She's...well...she's not interested. In boys. Do you get what I'm saying?" Lily raised her eyebrows.

"She's queer?" Remus wanted to dance around the library. He didn't even realize there could be others. Remus shook his head. Not others. Just...they existed. Great.

"Yeah. And you better not say anything about it to anyone!" Lily said, glaring at Remus as though Remus had told her he was going to shout it from the top of Gryffindor Tower.

"I won't."

                                ~~~

They were sitting under a shady tree next to the lake, watching from a distance as James circled the Quidditch pitch, lapping Peter a number of times.

"Great weather." Sirius said, trying to start a conversation.

"Thanks." Remus said without thinking.

"Shit."

"I mean- You're wel- I mean, um, yes." Remus finished lamely, his cheeks flushing.

"You're acting weird." Sirius looked at Remus carefully. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, apart from the fact that I've just realized I love my best friend and now every time we talk it's awkward."

"Nothing. Probably just the full moon coming up."

"The full moon's in a week and a half." Sirius said, suspicious. "And it's never been like this before. You can't even look me in the eye."

"God, those ocean eyes."

"Sorry. I-I don't have an explanation, but I'm being weird. Sorry." Remus shook his head, clearing his thoughts. It's not like Sirius would like him back anyways. He likes Mary. Anyone with eyes could see that.

Remus decided to completely ignore his feelings for his friend, and fake everything being alright. It was the right thing to do.

                                ~~~

And so things went back to normal after a while. Although Remus still had the feeling whenever Sirius gave him a small smile from across the room, or when his ocean eyes (God, those eyes) would glance at him, even for a second.

Remus was glad things were going back to normal. He was sure Sirius didn't want him back.

But as they walked down from Gryffindor Tower to breakfast, Remus couldn't help but notice their arms grazing each other's. Remus felt his cheeks get hot, and he smiled softly, looking ahead again.

                               ~~~

"What would happen if you put a werewolf on the moon?" Sirius wondered aloud during breakfast, much to the dismay of Remus.

"He'd die, because there's no oxygen on the moon." James said, leaning back in his chair.

"I never said we'd send him without a suit, you absolute monster!" Sirius yelled at James angrily.

"How would he fit in the suit during the transformation?" James shot back, looking just as angry.

Peter and Remus exchanged looks. Sirius and James had been at each other's throats recently, always fighting and bickering about the smallest things.

"How would we know if he would even transform, you twat?" Sirius stretched under the table, kicking James's shins.

"Wanker!"

"So original, Potter."

"Will both of you just shut it? I don't care because I'm never going to go to the moon." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Remus, will you tell Sirius to stop kicking me?" James whined.

"Moony! James started it, he glared at me!" Sirius pouted.

"Ugh! Both of you! Children, honestly." Remus hated when they fought. It wasn't even fun to listen to, like when Peter and Sirius fought, it was just childish insults and punches being thrown back and forth.

"Anyway. First Hogsmeade trip is coming up. Tomorrow. What should we do?" Peter said, changing the subject before Remus murdered them.

"Zonko's, obviously. And Honeydukes." James started.

"We need to get butterbeer, I want to rub it in Reggie's face. He's always wanted it." Sirius grinned.

"Hogsmeade?" Remus asked, confused.

"Oh, we forgot to tell you! It's a wizarding town just past the Hogwarts Grounds. Third years are allowed to go." Peter said quickly.

"You don't have a permission form! Mother wouldn't sign mine, she was mad at me, so I just copied her signature down onto the form. I would do the same for you, but my guess is McGonagall already knows..." Sirius trailed off, deep in thought.

"The invisibility cloak! You could come down with us, but be invisible!" James said proudly.

"Wouldn't the cloak get pulled off, or stepped on? And wouldn't McGonagall have some sort of detector?" Remus said flatly. "I'm fine staying here. Just get me some chocolate."

"No, you have to come! How about one of the secret passages you put on the map? That looks like it leads to Hogsmeade!" Sirius smiled michiviously.

"That's perfect." Remus grinned.