Eternally Yours (Severus Snape x Reader)

Chapter 37 Alone

Severus entered his home, the one that was once filled with laughter and joy, your laughter and joy.

He could barely keep his facade in your funeral, he could barely keep his tears at bay as the pain was too much for his fragile heart.

He remembered how Celestia, your best friend, was crying uncontrollably holding onto the arm of his soon-to-be husband. Many teachers from Hogwarts were there that day along with many of your friends.

Severus stood in the middle of the living room, his onyx eyes were filled with tears as he remembered you. A plethora of emotions washed over him, wave over wave of grief and sadness crashed over the man dressed in all black.

Ashes, your cat, rubbed between his legs, Severus looked down at the small feline and he couldn't contain his tears anymore as everything reminded him of you.

There was nothing in this world he wanted more than to gather you in his arms, to kiss you to see you. To smell your calming scent in your (h/c) hair, to hear your sweet voice or to watch you as you slept peacefully on his bed, with his arms around you.

The Potions Master walked over to the mantlepiece where your picture was. He tried to find some sort of comfort in the way he made you smile but the thought of you not being by his side clouded his mind.

Severus grabbed a bottle of firewhisky that was next to your picture, the fireplace was burning but despite the warmth it provided to the house, he felt cold as you weren't there to warm his house with your presence.

Your cat jumped on the coffee table, looking up at the professor that held the bottle of the strong alcoholic beverage in his large hands. "(y/n) wouldn't like this." he muttered as he uncorked the bottle, the smell of the firewhiskey hitting his nostrils but he didn't take the bottle away.

"She would hate me for this." Severus pressed the bottle to his lips, tasting the alcohol just by that simple action. The temptation was there, to drink his sorrow away. But he knew that even if he drank all the bottle, the pain would still be burning his heart.

Severus felt as if the warm flame you ignited in his heart was now gone, covering it with a thick layer of ice.

If any of his students ever saw Professor Snape in this state they would probably think they'd gone mad. But the truth was that Severus felt disappointed, not at you but at him as he still believed he could have saved you. He felt his world crashing down on him, he felt like he was falling, drowning in his own tears of sorrow and the only one who was able to pull him away was you.

"My (y/n) wouldn't like it." Severus muttered again, his lips still pressed against the bottle, ready to take a large gulp from it but then, he decided against it and in pure devastation, he threw the bottle towards the burning flames of the fireplace.

The orange flames went wild as the alcohol stimulated them, lightening all the living room for a couple of seconds before they died down.

Ashes ran away at Severus' outburst but he couldn't care less.

He would never feel your delicate touch, never hear your voice singing to him again, nor would he be able to gaze into your luminous eyes every morning. These thoughts fogged his mind as salty and bitter tears rolled down his pale cheeks.

Severus couldn't bear to go to his room, the room that you two got to share, he couldn't bear to see all your stuff in the bedroom, in the bathroom. Your shampoo of wild roses, your (f/c) toothbrush. Your clothes and shoes were still in his wardrobe, everything he ever adored seeing in you was there.

The Potions Master knew that he would have to throw your stuff away but he didn't know if he'd be able to do that as everything you ever possessed was a reminder to Severus that you were happy by his side and he tried to seek comfort in that thought.

'At least she was happy with me'

He would say every time he felt like crying, every time he remembered you were gone. You once said to him that you didn't want to leave him, that you were scared to leave him but you didn't have a choice, did you?

No-one ever had a choice for them to go or stay and that wasn't fair. Then again, Severus had to remind himself that life isn't a fairy-tale with happy endings, life was life as cruel as it sounded, it is what it is.

And after he got to know how it was to feel accompanied, he felt alone. You mended his heart, you made sure to collect his shattered pieces and put them back together and he allowed you to do so.

You two were destined to live together, happily forever, sharing moments and loving each other but time is short, no-one tends to choose their time and now, after the storm, Severus had to learn to live with your memory.

He would always have you in his mind as every second he got to spend with you, was his most precious treasure in the world. And so he would have to learn to be alone again.

912 words

August/09/2021