BakuDeku Oneshots

Chapter 19:The Message I Was Never Supposed To Get

Katsuki POV:

I'm on my usual walk around the city after I get off work when I get a text message. I take my phone out of my pocket. I scoff when I see it's from Izuku. It's several long paragraphs. I raise an eyebrow and open the message. 

Texts Start Here:

Izuku:I know that you'll probably never read this. Which is fine it's not like you'd see the same thing in me as I do in you. But I can't help but want you to know. Every part of me is telling me I should stop before I get in too deep. Then I look at you again and no matter what I do I can't stop myself from wanting to pull you close and just say everything. Just tell you everything I feel about you even though I'm so fucking sure that you'd kill me if you knew. I've written letter after letter to you that I'd never send. Just because I'm sure you'd just be confused and pissed off. That's fine. I'll keep it to myself.                                                                                                                                       It's so hard looking at you knowing I've fallen so fucking hard for you but I'll never tell you that. I'll just keep playing along with this off and on hating each other thing we've been doing since we were kids. Even if I'm faking it and every time I have to lie and say I'm mad at you it fucking kills me. It hurts like a son of a bitch saying we're just friends when all I want to do is pull you close to me and kiss you like there's no other source of oxygen in the fucking world.                            I stay up at all hours of the fucking night thinking about you. Just everything about you. Every time you've looked at me. Then the hopeless romantic part of me keeps screaming that you're not really looking at me with pure hatred even when that's all it is and I know that. Somewhere in my mind I know that all this hoping that the hatred that's so fucking clearly there isn't real won't help anything. But I can't stop myself. I can't even begin to think that you really do hate me. It'd kill me to wake up and realize that you're not as in love with me as I am with you.                 I spend like 90% of my time fantasizing about what it'd be like to hold you. To have you close to me in a way that isn't because we're fist-fighting or shit like that. To kiss you and call you mine. Imagining what it'd be like to take you on dates. Imagining what it'd be like if we acted like what I wish we were.                                                                                                                                                                        The second I believe that we're getting somewhere we turn around and I'm back to pretending that I'm mad at you for whatever reason. At this point if I never stop pretending that I'm not head over heels in love with you I think I'm gonna die. Not literally obviously. But I'm gonna be honest. It's fucking painful hearing you talk to me like we're nothing more than friends. Just acquaintances sometimes. I know that's all we are. We're just friends. I just can't get it far enough through my head to push the way I feel about you down far enough for it not to hurt me so much.                                                                                                                                                                                       I know you don't know this but anything I can get from you keeps me going. Whether that's just you looking at me. You actually using my name. You making an effort to talk to me. You being even sort of close to me. Anything. Yeah, it makes me fall more in love with you if that's even possible but at the least it gives me something to keep me from completely losing my mind.           I'm sorry I could never just say it to your face. I know you'd prefer that. But that's not easy when you make me fucking melt. I might not act like it but you make me nervous. Not in the kind that you're all that intimidating. You make me nervous because I'm fucking terrified of letting it show that I'm so in love with you. I'm sorry that I'm so afraid of telling you because of my own fear of how you'd react. I'm sorry I can't get over my fear of what you'll say enough to just go for it.            I love you. Maybe one of these days it won't be so terrifying to say it out loud. 

Izuku:Shit! Sorry!

Izuku:Please just ignore that!

Izuku:I didn't mean to send that to you!

Izuku:Just delete it! Please!

Katsuki:I'm not just gonna delete it. You just poured your fucking heart out because you're in love with me. Don't freak out. I know you are. Just. I'm not serious when I act like I hate you. I just don't know how to say how I actually feel because if you haven't noticed any feeling I don't understand comes off as anger. Yeah. I love you too. 

Izuku:You do? 

Katsuki:Yeah dipshit. 

Izuku:Oh...

Katsuki:See you tomorrow dumbass. 

Izuku:Okay. 

Izuku:Thank you. 

Katsuki:For what? 

Izuku:Being honest with me. 

Katsuki:You're welcome. I figure I might as well return the favor. You were honest. Even if you didn't mean to be in the first place. How long had you been writing that?

Izuku:That specific one? Like ten minutes. 

Katsuki:Goddamn. How many do you have of those? 

Izuku:I have like a Google Document with like a couple hundred something on it. I write like five to ten of them a day. It's how I've coped with being in love with you since highschool. Because it's not easy saying it any other way.

Katsuki:Could I read them at some point? 

Izuku:If you want to. A lot of them are sappy and stupid if I'm being honest.

Katsuki:I don't mind that. I just want to know more about how you've apparently felt. 

Izuku:That means a lot. 

Katsuki:I'm sure it does. Just do me a favor. 

Izuku:Hm? 

Katsuki:After work tomorrow let's go back to my place. So we can talk about this. 

Izuku:I'd like that. 

Katsuki:Alright. See you tomorrow. 

Izuku:Okay.

Izuku:I love you. 

Katsuki:I love you too.

Texts End Here