Playing With Fire

51

"Here." he said and gave back the diary. She ran her eyes through the text and glanced at Eric

"I believe I haven't read it yet." Eric motioned her to read it, so she did

"I am Jamie Coulter. I am a Dauntless leader. A Divergent. Wife and a mother." she glanced at him

"I... love him with all my heart." she blushed and looked at him again, he said "Read." She obeyed.

„Eric Coulter- husband. "

"Lily Coulter- daughter."

"Sarah Trevor- auntie."

"Erin Coulter- mother-in-law."

"Tris Prior- friend."

"Tobias Eaton- friend."

"Ethan Coulter." She was in thoughts. Seeing her like that, puzzled, he said „These are just facts and names right."

„Yeah, okay.." she said confused. He took the diary and leaned against the bed, turning a page. She made room for him to sit next to her. He looked at the free spot on the bed and then her, then sat next to her, stretching out his legs.

„Here." he said giving her the diary. She took it and read

„Eric left with the troops hours ago. I have a bad feeling about this." her breathing trembling. He stared at her.

„Some kind of gas is dispersed in the City. People are confused, seem lost. Amnesia? Enemy troops wearing masks." she read horrified.

„I'm summoned by Evelin." she read the last sentence on that page, confused „There's an arrow."

„Mhmh." Eric said.

„I don't get it." she said even more confused.

„Turn the page." he said. She did, seeing the names and the text she had read before.

„You see." he said „This all is written on a day they wanted to swipe off the memories of all citizens in Chicago. Including us." he said dark, looking at her close, then turned the page, their hands and heads close „This was all you wanted to remember after our memories would have swiped."

She gasped.

„You gave me this notebook the moment we were at the vault, taking our last breaths as free people. There was gas reaching to our shins..." he remembered.

„This is horrible." she said in tears, realizing that this all would have been gone.

„Yet you had hope." he said looking at her and said „Come find me." She looked at him, lost in somewhere. He looked at her, trying to read her, trying to understand if she had another flashback or was she having a mental breakdown.

„That's what I said.." she finally whispered.

„You remember..." he was amazed.

She took a sharp breath „Bits and pieces.." He wondered if she'd also remember the feelings that came with the memories. He wanted to know, he needed to know... He had promised not to make a move on her, he knew that. He didn't plan to kiss her, he just needed to push her a little bit. He slowly took her hand in his and placed it on his chest, his breathing skipping.

„What are you...?" she asked confused and bit helpless, his dreamy stare on her.

„Do you feel this?" he asked looking at her „Can you relate to that? My undying love for you?" She looked at him „I..."

„Do you feel anything?" he asked hopefully. She felt his heart beating strong under her hand, his hand on hers, his breath brushing her face, but still..

„I... I don't know.." she breathe out, tears in her eyes „I'm so confused." and hid her face in her palms. He instantly left to miss her hand in his, confused himself. But he knew he had to be a better person. For her.

„It's okay." he said and carefully placed his hand on her shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze and sighed „It was worth to try."

„I feel so hopeless." she said through tears „I... I read all this... I see all THIS... The kids.. MY kids!" she sighed „And still I'm so lost."

„It's okay, honey." he said „I love you, no matter what." She scoffed to that, not believing how he could love someone without being loved in return. He saw it and felt like he needed to explain „There have been days where I didn't have nothing. Days when you shouted shit to my face..." Jamie let out a disappointed scoff, shaking her head, disapproving her behaviour.

„No, don't..." he said „You were a mess. Baby, I know you..."

„What I wanted to say that, I'll take whatever you give me. As long as you don't give up on us." he said. Seeing those words coming from the heart made her feel overwhelmed. He saw that and had to remind himself to behave. Suddenly he got a notification to his watch, meaning he had a new e-mail waiting. He looked at his watch annoyed.

At this hour? On Sunday? he thought tapping on his watch, furrowing his brows.

"Everything alright?" she asked worried.

"Yeah, um.." he tried to come up with something "Listen, I need to go. I uh... Something came up." he stood up and took his things.

"Yeah. Sure. I've been keeping you here way too long." she said.

"It's okay." Eric said and stood up, taking his vest "I'll come by tomorrow as soon as I get my things done."

"Busy day tomorrow?" she was curious.

"Yeah, fucking Mondays.." he cursed.

"No worries. These keep me busy." she said pointing on the stack of diaries and added "Besides, I have therapy with doctor Lever."

"See ya then." Eric said looking at her.

"Uh-huh." she said looking at him "Okay..."

"Okay..." he said walking away backwards, lingering feeling in his heart. Now that he had gotten a piece of her, he wanted more. He wanted everything. He would have wanted to rush to her bed and grab her in his arms... Him backing against the door, pulled him out of his memories and they both chuckled to his awkwardness. He stepped out and chuckled more, shaking his head. He felt like a schoolboy at times.