Playing With Fire

44

"Sorry, I uh.." he pointed on the tab "wanted to put it on the nightstand..."

She looked at the tab on her lap.

"Didn't want to wake you or anything." he said weird.

"No it's okay, I wasn't completely in sleep." she said and put the tab on the nightstand "I was looking through my gallery."

"You have lots of footage." he chuckled.

"Yeah. I've gathered that.." she said sitting up. He sat on the chair looking at her. She remembered what he said he was gonna do before and asked "How was your time with... the kids?" As soon as he heard her ask about the kids he had a wide grin on.

"Oh we had pizza.." he said.

"Oh man, I'd kill for a pizza right now.." she said and then realized what she said.

"Not funny." Eric said serious.

"I know." she facepalmed and shook her head. Seeing it was sensitive topic to her, he said "And then we played board games. Talked and laughed. Rose fell asleep sitting on my lap."

"I bet they had fun." she said glad "You must be a wonderful dad."

"I uh.. I don't know.." he hesitated "I mean, I try my best and they haven't fired me yet, so." He meant it as a joke and she got it.

"You've always been a superb mom." he said, cutting off her laughing. She looked him surprised and curious.

"From the first day you've loved Lily, even if she wasn't officially adopted..." he reminded "And when Ethan was born.." The emotions that came with those memories made him shiver.

"You've always been there.." he said and thought, for me.

"You've always taken care of them, cooked for them... Helped with everything, read books, drawn pictures, multitasking at all times." She listened, thinking if it was really her he was talking about. It sounded so unbelievable.

"Me.. I'm just... trying to fill the void for them." he said and looked at her.

"Well, I'm sure you're a good father." she said looking at him.

"You think?" he asked challenging "Or you remember?"

"I know because I see the way you talk about them." she said sweet.

"True." he said and looked at the tab "What you've been finding from your tab?"

"I found out that I love your cooking. And that my favourite colour is black. That I like to read?" looking at Eric, questioning him.

"Haha, yeah. I uh... I grew up in Erudite. We have quite a collection of books at home." he said "And my mother works..." he sighed "Worked at the library."
"Worked?" she was confused "Erin, right?" she took the tab looking for a recent video.

"Jamie she's dead." he said out the harsh truth, already regretting it. She gasped. Not that she had any personal memory of her but the fact that she saw how heartbroken he was at that moment.

"I'm so sorry." she said sincere realizing she didn't have any clue when "When?"

"Just before Zane took you." he said and leaned his head on his hands, elbows on his knees. He sighed and brushed his fingers through his hair. She looked at him, feeling so sad for him, realizing he hasn't had the time to mourn her properly.

"Eric..." she said sitting on the edge of the bed "You haven't had the time to mourn her."

"What?" he asked rising his head and sighed "Oh I did... I was fucking drunk for some time... Until I got arrested being accused of a murder of a young girl who was reportedly impregnated by me."

"What?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. Drunk, shitty husband, absent father, cheater and murderer..." he said bitterly.

"Did you do all of that?" she asked careful.

"Would you believe me if I told I only did the being drunk as cockroach and acting out part?" he asked curious. She looked at him for a moment, like trying to read something out of him.

"Yes." she said serious.

"Why would you?" he asked "I've killed before, I'm a monster."

"You've probably killed to protect the ones you love." she said realizing that she was a murderer too "It takes one to know the other."

"Zane..." Eric said in regret "I didn't want this for you. I wanted to end his life myself... for what he did. Everything he did."

"Now we're equal." she said looking at him ,not realizing the depth of it. He looked in her eyes, realizing what she had said. She could've not said it more precise. The fact that they accepted each other as they were. He nodded, feeling somehow connected to her. He took a deep breath and sighed, leaning back on the chair again. He listened her talk about the videos she liked, looking at her when she showed the best highlights, laughed when she did, nodded, listened, understood. He could see by her body language she was more comfortable around him, more open. As was he, when he chuckled and spoke, unconsciously showing off his biceps.

As time went by she sat more comfortably, laid back, until she was laying down, her head on the pillow, almost asleep, trying to be brave and listen Eric's story about her initiation. With her every position he had moved closer to her, until he was leaning his elbows on the bed, murmuring the last words close to her face as she was falling asleep. He stayed to watch her for some time. For a man whose mind was possessing so much different emotions, he had stayed neutral. Now he had time to regret and feel guilty for pouring all those emotions out. Feel guilty how horny he had felt over such tiny things. He sighed and pecked a lingering kiss on her forehead, then stood up and left.

He went home where everyone was asleep. It was almost midnight and he went to have a smoke at the balcony before taking a shower. He thought about the outcome of this story, dreaming about future. Those were his last thoughts before falling asleep hugging her t-shirt.