Cigarette Burns - Sirius Black

Confessions Don't Always Bring Comfort

Morrigan stirred in Sirius's arms. He was already awake but didn't dare move in fear of disturbing her. He couldn't help but wonder what his days would be like without her waking up in the morning and cooking breakfast or laughing with him next to the fire late at night. It would be a lonely and awful existence just like before. 

She slowly woke up, feeling much warmer than usual. It took her a few moments to remember that she fell asleep on the couch with Sirius. She shifted on the couch and looked up towards him, "Morning." 

"Morning," he said softly as if she were still asleep. 

"What do you fancy for breakfast?" she asked stretching her legs. 

Sirius grinned, "Well I can think of something I enjoy eating." 

She playfully hit his shoulder, "You can do that later, I'm actually hungry though." She stood up letting the blanket that was covering her naked body slide off. She picked up the discarded clothes on the floor and made her way to the stairs. She glanced over her shoulder, "You can stop staring at me now Sirius, I think I've given you more than enough to fuel you fantasies already." 

Sirius laughed at the girls comment and watched as she disappeared up the stairs. He ran a hand through his hair and gathered the remaining items before heading upstairs to get showered and changed himself. 

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Morrigan sat on her bed her hair freshly washed. She brushed her locks out hitting tangles created by Sirius's fingers. Her heart ached, the guilt eating at her. She had fucked her friends godfather. What was worse was she didn't just fuck him, no that she could hide away and justify, she could be content keeping that from Harry. She fancied her friends godfather. That was so much worse. 

She couldn't stop though. It would hurt worse than the guilt does, and she knew it. Morrigan knew why she loved watching Sirius lick his lips at the sight of her, why sex with him felt so right, and why she made sure she took care of him and the house. She really fancied him. 

She wasn't sure when it hit her. Perhaps sometime after the first month. When their harmless flirting started getting a bit more serious. She found herself excited for the mornings, waiting to see him leant against the doorframe. Eager to pour a few drinks and read books next to him in the evenings by the fire. She had it bad, and she couldn't tell anyone. Writing to her friends wasn't an option, Remus would throw a fit and insist she move out of the house, and Molly would be far worse. Not having her friends around to help her felt impossible, she knew that Cedric would have the right advice for her. She longed to write to him. 

Pushing her thoughts to the side she got dressed, putting on a baby blue sweater and leaving her hair to fall naturally down her back. She decided to do her lipstick a deep red shade and quickly throw on some black eyeliner. Making her way downstairs she greeted Kreacher politely who only mumbled in return. He had grown fond of the young witch, not that he would ever admit it. She had always put food to the side for him, and had never asked much of him except to watch the occasional baked good in the oven while she tidied up. 

Morrigan got started on breakfast, quickly creating a muffin mixture to throw in the oven. As she was pouring the batter into the tray she smiled, "How come you always come down just as breakfast is nearly ready?" 

"I'm just lucky that way," Sirius replied a toothy grin gracing his face. He watched her as she worked in the kitchen observing how she would delicately place things in the oven but then harshly throw dishes into the sink. It was something he enjoyed about her, the duality. However, it was the same thing that worried him. He would often catch her with a sad expression, gazing into her latest project as if she wasn't truly present in the room. Sirius longed to understand what was going on in her head, but she was such an expert at dodging questions that he didn't know how to get through. 

Morrigan stared at Sirius's face, eyebrows furrowed, a slight frown on his pursed lips as he stared at the space where the muffin tray once was. He was lost in thought and while she found it charming, she also knew that it wasn't something pleasant that he was thinking about. "Sirius?" she called bringing him out of his daze. 

"Hmm?" his head snapped up looking towards her. 

"Everything alright?" 

He nodded and chewed on his bottom lip, "Yeah." 

"Are you sure?" she asked, "You seem lost in your own little world over there." 

Sirius sighed, "I don't want to press."

Morrigan understood, "But you want to ask me something and you're worried that I'll dodge the question." 

"Yes," Sirius said, "To be honest I thought I was going to meet a lot more resistance from you." 

She rolled her eyes, "I have my secrets, but I'm not the type of person to say somethings fine when it's not. I'll be up front, if I don't want to answer it I won't, simple as. So ask away." 

Sirius was taken aback by her words. He wasn't sure if it was that she trusted him or if she finally felt ready to divulge the information but he was grateful to know the truth. "What did you do to have to go into hiding?" 

Morrigan always knew that she would have to answer this question eventually. She had spent over two months with the man and still hadn't told him why she was staying in his home. However, it wasn't a matter of it needing to be kept secret. It was a matter of fear. Fear of people leaving her after finding out what she had done. Knowing that they had been intimate though weighed on her mind. To not tell him now would be cruel. He needed to know what he was getting involved in. 

"I killed someone." She breathed out struggling with the words. 

His face dropped, "You used the killing curse?" 

"No!" She said quickly stumbling over the correct words for the situation, wondering if there were any, "I- I killed someone the muggle way." 

"The muggle way?" Sirius asked his brows furrowed. 

Morrigan turned her back slightly to him unable to look him in the eye, "I stabbed them. That's why Dumbledore is having me hide. If someone recognized me, I would be thrown in Azkaban." 

"Morrigan," Sirius said slowly walking towards her, "I'm sure you wouldn't have done it without good reason." 

Morrigan sighed, "I don't regret it." She felt his hand on her shoulder, "Sirius don't-" 

"Don't what?" 

"Don't try to comfort me!" She said her voice startling Sirius. She felt tears welling up, "I'm sorry I-" 

His arms wrapped around her bringing her into his chest, "Shh darling. No need to apologize. Can I ask why?" 

She nodded against him, "The attack at the world cup. I wasn't there, it was one of the few times I went to visit my mum. She lived nearby the pitch and while she was wary of wizards she figured it was just a sporting match, that she would be safe over the weekend. Well the death eaters began killing and torturing muggles nearby. One came into the house while I was cooking us dinner. He began torturing my mum and I could see it. I could see that he was about to kill her. So I took the kitchen knife and I- I don't even remember doing it. I just remember the blood. Then Dumbledore arrived and said that he would take me to Hogwarts while he arranged for me to go into hiding." 

"But that's self defense surely that wouldn't require you to go into hiding," Sirius argued. He trusted Dumbledore and was grateful for Morrigan's company, but it didn't make sense to tear her away from her life for something like this. 

"If it were any other death eater I'm sure I would have been fine, that the ministry would have forgiven me, praised me even.," Morrigan sniffled, "But it wasn't. I killed Barty Crouch Junior."