Adam: Why would you do such a stupid thing?!

Jack: For two reasons only.

Jack: One - the aesthetic.

Jack: Two - spite.

Jack: That's it.

Adam:

Jack: Okay, fine I lied.

Jack: Three - attention.

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Jack: I got a pet snake, what should I name him?

Adam and Ryan, in unison: William Snakespeare

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(In the future)

Adam: The cake will arrive at one tomorrow.

Jack: Great! While you do that, I'll check up on the ring bear.

Adam: You meant to say ring bearer, right?

Jack:

Adam: Jack, look me in the eyes and tell me you aren't bringing a dangerous wild animal to Ryan's wedding tomorrow.

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Adam: I want to be a father someday.

Ryan: But you already are???

Adam: Our fans are not my children.

AJR Stans, writing in their diaries: Dear Diary, today I was disowned by my own father.

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Jack and Ryan: Trust fall!

Adam, from across the room: Absolutely not. I'm not gonna catch you two.

Jack and Ryan, forcefully: T r u s t! Fall!

Adam: I said no-

Jack and Ryan: We're falling!!

Adam: *Jumps over couch, flips over the table and dives to catch them*

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Ryan: If you could choose, how would you die?

Jack: Dramatically.

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Adam: I can't find it!

Ryan: Find what?

Adam: My happiness- oh wait, there you are.

Ryan:

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Jack: Ryan, your piano solo was so good!

Ryan: Oh my God, I didn't even try, it was like improv-

Jack, screeching: oh my gOD, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THE FREAKING COMPLIMENT?!?!

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Ryan: Bring the beat in.

Jack, running in with a beet on a plate: Anything for you, Ry!

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Jack: Yo, this is a message to all my b*tch *ss haters-

Jack, starting to cry: I-I'm really sensitive so please stop.

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Adam, wearing something fancy at a formal event: Believe me, I'd rather slip into something a bit more comfortable.

Adam: Like a f*cking coma or something.

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Adam and Jack:  *working together to do a crossword puzzle*

Adam: What's a four letter word for something weird, but somehow manages to be adorable and is always incredibly beautiful?

Jack: Ryan.

Adam, writing "Ryan" down on the crossword: It fits.

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Death: Your time has come.

Jack: Hold on, let me ask my brothers.

Death: That's not how this works-

Jack: They said "no". Sorry, but maybe next time.

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