Falling Too Far

Chapter 10- Picnics, and killer ham sandwiches.

I splashed the cool water of the tap in my face, clearing myself from impurities. I took in a deep breath, opening my eyes and looking at my forlorn, broken expression in the mirror. My cheeks were red, and the mascara running down my face had now been washed off. My hair was a mess, bits and pieces flying everywhere. My eyes were slightly bloodshot, making the hazel seem to burn brighter. My breath was shaky, trembling with the weight on my shoulders that were desperate to break free.

But I couldn't.

Breaking free would be giving in, giving in to the harsh comments, the cruel judgements, the unspoken lies. I had to show I was stronger than that. Stronger than them.

The lesson I had before, which was still continuing as I stood in the bathroom washing my face and trying to to scrub off all evidence of my crying, had gone terribly. It was PE, and I had just embarassed mysellf terribly, tripping over the jump rope and landing flat on my face. I still remember the echoing sounds of their laughter and rude comments at my clumsiness hollowing out the inside of my ears, reaching deep in to unleash a horrible, piercing bite, opening the gates of my panic and anxiety as I shook with a panic attack on the floor. Though the amount of people shouting at me had minimised due to Harper's reaction at my last panic attack, the number was still unbearably much.

I hated it.

I had immediately rushed to the bathroom, where I sat in a stall and cried, suffering the effects of my panic attack alone as my body broke down with sobs. I couldn't do anything, there was no comfort, no Emma, no Harper to protect me.

Shut up, Noelle. You don't need Harper.

Yes you do, a voice whispered at the back of my mind. I tried to destroy the thoughts, continuing on with my ministrations to clear all running make up from my face, trying to bring my red, puffy eyes back to normal, however, with no luck. I sighed with frustration and flung the paper napkin into the bin. My panic attack had stopped half an hour ago, and I had spent the past time sitting on the floor of the clean bathroom, making up scenarios in my head of a perfect life, without misery and pain. It started off well, but I soon had promptly dismissed it from my mind when I got to my 'imaginary boyfriend'. I was too scared who's face I would see.

The sound of the lunch bell shattered my thoughts as I picked up my bag and made to leave the bathroom before groups of girls would come swarming in to talk about the latest gossip and fix their make up. I exhaled deeply just as I opened the door before sharply holding my breath at the sight of what lay before me.

Amanda freaking Davis.

"So... how did PE go? You know... without Hot Stuff there to save you this time?" she smirked, putting a hand on her hip, her evil cronies of attractive girl snickering behind her. I gritted my teeth, glaring at her. If my eyes shot daggers, she would be dead. Amanda wasn't in my PE class, so I guessed word had got around. Just the thought of it sent more panicked adrenaline rushing through my veins. I desperatly tried to hold it in.

"You know, now that I think of it, it's weird that someone as perfect and sexy as Harper Andrews is trying to hang around you? Why is he wasting his time on a girl like you? You're so boring and ugly, really ugly by the way- obviously not worth his time. He probably just feels sorry for you, you know that right? But how is he lasting so long, hanging out with someone that ugly?" That stung. No, actually, it felt like someone was rubbing salt and lemon juice into a wound. But thw worst part was that it was all true. I knew I wasn't the prettiest or sexiest girl out there, definitely not sexiest, and Harper would probably go for those girls who spend their Saturday nights partying and drinking, definitely not sitting at home studying for an up coming test and reading and fangirling books.