Dear, Miss Violet. ✔

Chapter 52

Simon tried to look into her eyes. She was so pure and so innocent, that it hurt him that he was putting her life in danger. He felt guilty and felt as if he was shackled- just unable to move and chained to his past.

"I love you so much. Everyday. Every minute. Every second" he managed, feeling a slight piece of guilt brushing off.

Violet nodded "I know you do. And I do too. More than you can imagine."

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles lightly "your fragrance lingers in my mind."

Violet grinned "I'm not that surprised, though."

He pulled back and grinned at her "I beg your pardon?"

"Well" she said, leaning toward him slightly "a lot of things linger on your mind."

"Is it?"

"Yes, like that poetry, which you must've read around 10 years ago."

"No, 8 years and 2 months ago actually."

"MY POINT, EXACTLY!" she said, bouncing off her seat as if she had won a game of cards.

"Do you care to elaborate?" he questioned, feeling a slight smirk twinkle in his eyes.

"It's just that you're so brilliant- you remember everything, you count everything, you're too intelligent in academics, you're just too good at whatever you do. Everything stays on your mind- you know."

Simon nodded and looked out of the window. They'd finally left London behind, and as the carriage rolled in the light sunshine, he felt a few memories hit him. Those memories which he'd carried for so many years now, that he'd lost count. 

"Simon?" he heard her whisper "did I say something to upset you?"

"Violet, do you know why I remember everything?" he asked, turning to look at her in the eye.

She shook her head slightly, dread evident in her eyes.

"As a child, I was made to believe by my father that if I don't turn out to be a perfectionist, he'd love me less. He had never said those words directly to me, but I always figured it out. So, just to impress him, I'd started counting everything. Timing everything. Remembering everything. Observing minute details. I started practicing mathematics at the mere age of 5- just and solely to impress my father. The same father who had killed my mother and sister. I would wake up at the crack of dawn and would start cramming information. As much as my little brain could soak in. I would start timing a minute and start counting seconds. It took me 1 year, 5 months and 6 days to accurately time a minute in my mind without the help of a clock. Even when for example, if we both are just quiet- then I go ahead and try to count the number of seconds for which the quietude lasts. And trust me, I don't do it for leisure- it's something that is ingrained in me. To be precise. To be a perfectionist. To know every single detail of everything. It's something I try to forget, to just let go off. But, I fail. All the time. 

And my biggest failure was to prove to a man who killed my family. My happiness. Because at the end of the day, neither did he acknowledge me, nor did he ask me about my progress. He just acted like he loved me. But all he ever wanted was an heir. Nothing bloody else."

"Simon-" she whispered, keeping her head on his shoulder "I'm so sorry that all of this   happened to you."

"It wrecked me. You know after I got to know that my father had killed my family, I wasn't able to rest for days. And my mind was so affected that anything that came out of anyone's mouth felt like an insult. I used to have a friend called Colin...Lord Colin- who I told about this issue when I was drunk. He used that against me and threatened that he'll tell everyone about it if I don't pay him a large sum. I got so angry that I challenged him for a duel and accidentally shot his right arm. He was being such an ass about it that I was out of my mind. Funny how your own people turn against you during the worst time of your life."

"I will never do that to you, Simon" Violet said, looking at him with a lovely smile "I will cherish you and make sure that you forget about all the bad things that happened with you."

"Really?" he whispered.

"You deserve happiness. You deserve all things good in life. And if someone is depriving you of that, then the problem is with that person- not with you. No one, I repeat, no one has the power to control how you feel. It is you yourself who should be in charge of your feelings and your state of mind. And for that you should walk the extra mile and make sure that you're not depriving yourself of the basic right to happiness. And that's what we are doing now. Walking that extra mile to ensure that we both have a secure future. And that-" she said, keeping a hand on his heart "-you feel like the most contended person in life. As if like you've conquered the world."

Simon felt tears prick his eyes "Vi-Violet but what if we fail?"

"So what? There's always something you can do. A person who fails is just a beginner in his journey. Trust me, even if we fail- we will try harder."

"What have I done to deserve you?" he asked, smiling wistfully.

"You exist and that's reason enough."

"Touché!"

They both laughed aloud and Simon felt alright. He felt hope swirl and dance amidst his heart. He felt good after ages. As if a ray of hope had hit him after years. He felt alive, and most importantly, he had a reason to live.

"You know how I used to indulge in fights?"

"Yes?"

"I don't do that much now. Because, lately I feel that I'm stable. If not that, then I have something to live for. And that's you."

Violet took his hand in her's "thank you. But Simon, first you should live for yourself. You should ensure that your needs are being looked after first. A person who isn't happy from the inside can never seek solace in the arms of another person. You just feel that I have given you a reason to live, but the truth is you're just finding an excuse to stay alive. You're deceiving yourself like that. When you are truly happy and satisfied internally, then you will not need anyone to do that for you. Yes you should have something to live for- but that is you, yourself."

Simon felt a hot and angry wound inside him heal slowly. Her words were like that rain one felt after trudging for hours in a desert. She was so perceptive that it amazed him. Her eyes were filled with wit and she was aglow with the world's most precious knowledge. 

"You're such a gem. Thank you for being with me. I don't have words right now-"

"You don't need to say anything. Just show me your charming smile. It manages to make my heart flutter" she grinned.

He smiled and wiped off a slight tear from his right eye.

It was now that Simon Siddell was finally making peace with his life and finding what he needed the most- the woman who he deeply loved and his inner calm.