Meeting Me Halfway (HSMTMTS Fanfiction)

Chapter 73. An OverLook of Time and Regret.

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*Ricky*

I always told myself that I was worth something. I always told myself that I have far more meaning than..just some theatre kid who couldn't properly love someone. I always told myself that I, Richard Bowen, was worth loving.

But...if anything...It was all a lie.

I'm not worth anything . I'm nothing more than just some theatre kid who can't love someone properly. I am not worth loving.

Nini was someone worth everything and I don't know about you, but I'm not. I'm worth just about the piece of shit you stepped on.

I helped Nini with the fire and everything that happened. I supported her family and I gave them some money. I started a go fund me page for their family and got them over 200,000 dollars in just 3 days.

"I don't know how to express my gratitude for you..thank you so much Ricky."

The sentence graces in my mind. Carol was absolutely terrified when she said it but I'm sure she meant well. I'm sure her whole family meant well and I hope they know that we don't see them as just some charity case.

I told Nini that I wanted to go to UCLA the week after Christmas and let's just say..I don't think it would hurt to hold back. Maybe I should just take her earlier than that.

For some reason..only Lachlan was freed. Not Skye, nor Kant. He was bailed out which concerns me because it seems as if he was..oh..he wasn't that close with them. That explains it.

Nini and I filed a restraining order against Lachlan though, so I have a good feeling that we'll be safe from him for a while.

Ashlyn, Red, Carlos, Seb, and Kourt showed up for maybe 2 days. They weren't all in the best mood as Nini's family seemed to never be able to catch a break from constant problems. It wasn't them being problematic, it was their life. It seemed like they were the one thing in life they couldn't control.

For me?

I'm stuck.

It's been 2 weeks since Nini has woken up and I still...I won't tell her about my child. She has a life worth living for. I don't.

My baby carrier is a girl that I could so easily say that I've never loved. I never loved her like I still do Nini, but reality wise..I won't tell either of them that.

I walk to the edge of the roof and look around at the beautiful view. The city lights starting up in a beautiful green and red pattern representing the time of the year where snow begins to turn into Ice and gifts turn into regret.

I'm not some idiot, but I know what's right for my life, and I sure as hell..know if I'm worth something. Which is nothing but..am I worth something? Or am I just a douchebag about to regret something?

I feel like I've been playing a game. Playing a game for love and playing game for my own life.

Starting off in..my college dorm room.

Ricky? Is that you?

To..the lanterns.

You didn't have to do that.