Still You, Just You

Chapter 40: I'm Falling

Donghae’s POV

The Super Junior and I continued what was planned for the day. Together we went to the zoo, made memories, took lots of pictures, and had a good time. It was really a good day, guess it was because it started great…

I can’t believe it’s Dara who woke me up today. I have dreams of it happening but I didn’t expect that it really would. And soon.

It was perfect. I really felt happy and my heart was completely at ease. Now I really want to wake up to that scene every morning for the rest of my life.

I want the moment when I opened my eyes, I saw her looking fondly at me. And that it’s only me she’s seeing. I want that moment when she swept her hands to my hair, how it drove my heart crazy. I felt like pulling her in and embrace her tightly and lay there forever.

Last night, together with my difficulty in sleeping came my troubles about Dara’s crying. I admit, I thought about it a lot. Technically my friend mode was just a cover up, I was acting fine but deep inside I was greatly hurt.

And I know she has sensed that, that’s why she’s apologizing earlier. But I’m not really upset about the fact that she still cries about him, I was just wondering why she still does. And what will it take for her to stop thinking about him or how will my selfish wish be able to come true.

With that, I couldn't help not to think of a number of what if’s again.

What if she never moves on?

What if until the end, it’s GD all along?

What if this week is just a gift from the heaven as my final week with her?

What if my New Year’s wish is long done?

I only did just wish that this year I wish I’d get a chance with her…

Maybe that chance was just about becoming a close friend, and not more than that.

No… I’m just being pessimistic. I will not give up. I will not let her go.

UGGGHHH

Sometimes I really hate myself for thinking too much. For worrying too much. And for discouraging myself.

I'm beginning to get tired of it really.

Together with everything that's going on... I admit I'm a little exhausted…

The angst is slowly draining all of my energy

I want it to end soon.

But how? And when?

“I know what’s the problem…“

“Huh?” I woke up back to my senses and looks at the person who said those words.

“I know the problem why your relationship with Dara isn’t working well” Siwon says, taking a sip of his champagne and a seat near me.

We’re now on the cruise. The others are fishing, having a karaoke time and doing a photoshoot; Leaving Eunhyuk, Siwon and I alone in the lounge, enjoying some snacks and champagne.

“You’re too much of a nice guy…” He continued. “Doesn’t she always say she tends to fall in love with bad guys more?”

Well, yeah I read about that a couple of times in articles. And I somewhat believe it, it’s not that I’m saying GD is a bad guy, but look at how the things that happened between them, despite their quarrels, problems, Kiko… she still yearns for him.