Elizabeth Cutter | Primeval

★ S8 E2 - Murphy's Law

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Lester asks.

We're stood outside Dr Meadows' office; my hands are clammy and shaking.

I take a deep breath. "No, it's okay. I'll see you when I'm done."

Lester nods and moves back towards the waiting room just as her door opens and she welcomes me inside. Besides a few new cushions on the sofas, nothing's changed.

As I sit, she hands me a glass of water and perches herself down opposite, leaning forward to rest her hands on my knees.

"Talk to me."

I look up to meet her eyes, a confused look on my face. "We're not doing the whole twenty questions?"

A sad smile appears on her face and she leans back slightly. "You came to me so I know you're not okay, and that means it's up to you to tell me why."

I nod, taking a sip of water. It's up to me.

"Becker's gone..." I whisper.

She nods for me to continue.

"I ended up in an alternate version of this reality. Everyone was alive there, but it still wasn't great. Helen was there, and so was...he."

"Patrick?"

I nod. "But he wasn't like this version." I take a breath. "Apparently the anomaly I went through was made by the version of him here. He knew if I vanished, Becker would leave. If Becker left and I returned, I'd be vulnerable and he could finish the job."

"To kill you," she clarifies.

"Yes."

"And how does all of this make you feel?"

I sigh. "Exactly how he wants: vulnerable." I pause for a moment. "I don't want to feel this way, but Becker was the one thing in my life I could count on to be okay."

"And what about the rest of team? What about Lester?"

I go to speak, but nothing comes out so she continues.

"Everyone you work with cares about you Lizzie. They all want to see you happy, and they all want to help you when you're not. I know Becker never judged you for what you felt or said, but neither will they." She squeezes my hands. "They're your family Lizzie, and family looks out for each other, no matter what."

A small smile appears on my face. "How come when you say these things it sounds right and I believe you, yet when I tell myself it sounds fake?"

"Because a lot of the time we don't believe in ourselves, so it's up to others to show us our true worth."

* * *

"How was it?" Lester asks, unlocking the car.

I slide myself in to the passenger seat, a bag of new medication in my hand.

"Good."

Lester doesn't push, and for that I'm grateful.

We drive to the ARC, and once inside both head to our offices. It's not long before there's a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I call, twisting around in my chair. "Abby, hey."

"Hey. Just came to check on you. Are you okay?"

I pause, biting down on my tongue. I want to tell her they don't need to make sure I'm fine, but I stop myself. I'm not okay, I know that now - particularly after not being here.

"I'm trying to be," I say with a small smile.

"You know we're here for you, right?"

Nodding lightly, I move to stand. "I do. Thank you, Abby. For everything." I take a breath. "I know I don't always show it, but I'm grateful for all that you and the team do for me."