Elizabeth Cutter | Primeval

★ S7 E1 - A Field Of Meadows

Lizzie's POV

"What do you remember from that day?" Doctor Meadows asks, sitting across from me.

I fiddle with the Rubik's Cube in my hand, twisting the sides aimlessly. "Passing out."

She notes it down before looking back up at me, analysing my features for any hint of an answer. "Anything else?"

"Just darkness."

That's a lie. They all thought I'd forgotten...but I can remember everything. The isolation. The pain. Death. It's all too clear.

"And what do you dream about?" She asks, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I shake my head, closing my eyes to meet the darkness. "Being there. Dying."

"How does that make you feel?"

I open my eyes to stare at her and place my Rubik's Cube down. Putting my hands out in front of me, my palms meet. I half expect them to fall through each other, but they don't. "Like I'm a ghost...like I shouldn't be here."

"But you survived," she reminds me.

I shake my head, picking the Rubik's Cube back up and twisting it faster, my eyes closing and opening once more. "No. I didn't. I died, six times..."

Dr Meadows leans forward, her notepad now beside her. "You're alive Lizzie."

"But he isn't."

She knows I saw Dad, only because Becker told her, and he only knows because I scream for him every night to come and save me...he never does.

"Your father passed away three years ago Lizzie, he's not coming back."

I shake my head again. "No. I saw him. He was there...he-"

Dr Meadows places a hand on my knee. "He what?"

"He told me to wake up. I didn't want to; I didn't want to leave him."

"Do you still see him?" 

"No, but I still go there. I call for him, but he never comes." 

Dr Meadows nods before leaving the room for a moment. I look around, taking in my surroundings. The walls are a fresh white, plants dotted around the room which is lined with book shelves. It's peaceful in here. I can think. I lie myself down on the sofa, my head resting comfortably on the arm rest. I bring my Rubik's Cube up to my chest, messing up the colours. It's easy to complete now, takes less than a minute. 

When she re-enters, I sit myself up, sliding my legs to the floor and lean forwards, watching her every move with intent. "I want you to begin taking these. They'll help keep your mind here in reality, and not wherever you say you saw your dad."

I nod, taking them off the table and slotting them into my pocket. "Are we done?" I ask, my leg beginning to bounce. She gives me a small smile before indicating that I can leave.

The drive back to the ARC is silent, but it's a comfortable one. Becker's been slightly more protective than I'd like but I can't blame him...if this situation were reversed, I'd be the exact same way. 

"How was it today?" he asks, his eyes glancing away from the road for a second to catch mine in the side mirror. 

"Fine." I divert my eyes to the floor.

He nods, knowing not to push and continues driving, his focus returning to the road. 

Little conversations, Dr Meadows had told me. Start small. A single word is fine, I tell myself. It's hard to say what's happening in my brain...it hurts to think about in all aspects. I look away from the views outside to rummage through my bag, placed between my feet. Pulling out some paracetamol, I swallow two tablets down with water. Becker eyes me every so often but I don't comment and neither does he.