Cinderella // luke brooks fanfiction

chapter forty six

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Today is a new day, and I've decided it will be a good day. We may have received some of the worst news we will ever get, but I'm determined to not let this break me.

Luke wanted to stay in bed today, but I wouldn't let him.

"Let's go somewhere" I suggested.

"I don't want to get out of bed" he replied.

"Laying in bed all day isn't going to change anything Luke" I sighed.

He sat up, he knew I was hurting but putting on a brave face for him. I had too.

"Let's go" he said, getting out of bed and changing.

We walked down to one of our favourite places to get coffee, it wasn't fancy or anything like that. It was just a small cafe where we could sit quietly and talk.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked.

I nodded my head, as I watched a young couple with a small child in the girls arms walk in and sit down near us

My body ached with sadness but I had to hide it from Luke, he was already hurting enough. I couldn't help but stare at the young family, it could have been us.

I sipped at my coffee before getting up and going to the bathroom, I went into a cubicle and locked the door behind me as I had my back against it. I felt like I couldn't breathe, everything was too much. I felt the tears build up in my eyes as I thought about my baby, and how perfect our life could have been if I hadn't fucked it up for us. I wiped my eyes and tried to pull myself together, I had to be strong for Luke.

I walked back out into the main part of the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror as I wiped the mascara from underneath my eyes.

I went back out to where luke was sat, he smiled at me slightly and asked me if I was okay. I nodded and he stood up, as we were both finished. We left the cafe and we walked back to the house, hand in hand.

"Luke?" I asked.

"Mhm?" He nodded.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you baby?" Luke questioned.

"Because it's my fault" I said.

He looked at me, his face full of disappointment.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this" he said, looking me straight in the eyes.

"okay" I replied, but on the inside all I had been doing was blaming myself.

Once we arrived home, I decided to go for a shower. The blades I had hidden were basically screaming my name. I went over to where I hid them, but they weren't there. I searched all over yet I couldn't find them and it was driving me insane. I screamed out in anger, and luke came running to the door of the bathroom.

"Baby?" He said.

I sat on the floor, pulling at my hair and scratching at my arms and legs. I was forever telling myself I was fine, but now I'm worse than ever. I wanted to be strong and positive for luke, but I can't. The demons are dragging me down.

Luke managed to unlock the door from the outside. He walked over to me and sat down.

"Hey hey hey shhh" he cooed, as I pulled at my hair.

"Where are they?" I basically screamed at him.

"I got rid of them" he sighed, knowing exactly what I was talking about.

"You what?" I said, shocked.

"Why would you do that?" I screamed, and cried.

Luke tried to pull me towards his chest but I felt myself lashing out at him and trying to hurt him, I didn't mean to but I was just so angry and upset with myself I didn't really know what I was doing.

Beau came up the stairs, after hearing the shouting. He held my arms back, away from luke. I was crying more than ever, I was hurting so much.

"let's go" beau said, walking me through to the spare bedroom.

"I want you to sleep here for a bit okay, clear your mind" he half smiled as he left the room.

I closed my eyes and almost instantly fell asleep.

••••

*LUKES POV*

I sat on the bathroom floor, tears pouring down my face. What have we come to? Everything is so fragile, and is crumbling around us. Chelsea is trying to act fine when she really isn't, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm not fine.

I feel like my whole world has come crashing down and I don't know how to handle it. I've been distant from the boys and the fans and I hate it. I've not been on social media in what feels like forever, and that makes the fans sad. They say I'm their sunshine, but in reality they are mine. I'd be nothing without everyone who is supporting us boys, but right now I just feel so alone.

I was so excited to be a dad, since I never had my dad growing up I was prepared to do anything and everything to be a good father to my little angel. I was ready for us to be one happy family, but the cement that was holding everything together just cracked and it all fell to pieces. I know everyone was excited, Chelsea and I, the boys and my mum. But now there is just an empty space in our family for the baby we never got to meet. Our guardian angel in the sky.

I walked up the stairs and into the spare bedroom where Chelsea was sleeping, I sat down on the floor next to the bed so I didn't disturb her. We had planned to make this room the baby's room until we had got a place of our own, preferably back home in Australia. I heard Chelsea move slightly, she was awake but didn't know I was here. I could hear her crying.

"I'm sorry baby, mummy loves you" she said, quietly to herself.

I got up off the floor and walked over to her, almost instantly she jumped into my arms and cried into my shoulder. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes too, I blinked allowing them to fall down my face.

"I'm so sorry"

I hugged her tightly, hoping all her broken pieces would go back together but I knew it wasn't that easy.

"I thought I was stronger than this" she sniffed.

"Hey, no one is expecting you to be strong after what's happened" I said.

"and no one is expecting you to be this strong either Luke, I know you feel the exact same as I do right now. You don't have to pretend in front of me"

What she said was so very true, we had both lost by far one of the best things we could ever ask for.

"Let's go outside" I suggested.

It was dark now, so I thought we could sit outside and look at the stars. We sat on the sun loungers for hours, just talking.

"I've never felt this much emotional pain in all my life" I admitted.

"But that's the thing about pain luke, it demands to be felt."

I sighed, she was right. If you're in pain you can't just brush it off and say it's not there, because damn if you say you don't feel it? You're lying, because pain tries to drown you.

"Look" Chelsea said, pointing to the sky.

"See that star right there?" She pointed to the brightest star we could see.

"That, that is our angel" she smiled.

I stared up at the star, it was directly above us. It was most definatly our angel.