scared.

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I've called my parents everyday this week sometime FaceTimed

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I've called my parents everyday this week sometime FaceTimed. Adam hasn't left. They call when he's not home. Tom hasn't been home a lot he's off filming. It's quite in this house. Just me and Everleigh. I don't like it. Being in a big house, just me and Everleigh. To much space for only 2 people, 3 when Tom is home.

"Everleigh, no running in the house." I yell at my 3 year old.

"Catch me mommy, catch me!" She yells then slips on the hardwood floor.

I hear her start to cry. I pick her up and hug her. "Hey, it's okay baby. Let mommy see your owie." I look at her and see her knee is all red. "Oh baby. Let's go sit and watch a movie."

I lift her up into my hip. We go and sit on the couch and I lay a blanket over the two of us and turn on 'Tangled'. Everleigh ends up falling asleep on me. I kiss her head and hold her closer to me. I love this little girl and I want the best for her maybe I need to talk to Adam. I end up falling asleep on the couch and get woken up to Tom shaking me awake.

"Have a nice nap?" Tom says to me as Everleigh jumps into his arms.

"Yeah. My neck kinda hurt." I answer him.

"Well the couch isn't the most comfortable thing to sleep on."

"Shush you."

Tom laughs and hikes Everleigh higher up on his hip. "I brought some dinner. It's just a burger and some fries and chicken nuggets for this one."

"Awesome. I'm starving."

I get up off the couch and follow Tom into the kitchen where the food is. We all eat, then I starts getting Everleigh ready for bed. I gives her a bath and then puts her pajamas on. I lets her play a little till I read her a book and Everleigh falls asleep. I finds Tom on the couch when I walk out of the bedroom. I go and sit next to him.

"hey." I says

"hey." he says back.

"how was your day?"

"good. I got lots done today. how about you?"

"good. mostly played with Ev."

"you're doing a great job with her. I don't know much about parenting but you are doing good."

"thanks. I haven't been feeling that recently."

"why?"

"I feel so bad keeping her from her dad. I'm scared of him so I took her away from him. A girl should have a relationship with her dad right?"

"Lilah, maybe you should go home? Or talk to your parents about coming home. See if they can get Adam to leave. I don't know. But you can't keep hiding. Your parents don't even know where you are. Love,  you have to think what is best for you and your daughter. I'm not a dad. But I know, you know what's best for your child maybe it's keeping her from her dad, or maybe it's talking with him and having him in her life."

"I'm 20. All my old friends are having fun and college parties and i'm running away from my 3 year olds father. I... I love my daughter, I couldn't imagine my life without her, but... I don't know." I wipe a tear that feel off my face.

"Listen," Tom grabs my hands. "I'm not a person to give advice about parenting, but do what you think is best for Everleigh. You are her mom, you know what's best for her. Do whatever you think is best."

Tom pulls me into his arms. Tears are going down my face. I don't know why. I think being a teen/young mom has finally hit me full force. Obviously I knew I had a child that I have to raise and take care of for the next 18 years, but I think I really finally realized I'm making the decision for my 3 year old, until she's old enough to make decisions for herself. I love her but i'm 20 yers old most 20 year olds aren't a mom, let alone to a three year old old.

"i'm sorry." I say, muffled by his chest.

"don't be sorry. you have nothing to be sorry for." he tells me.

"it's just a lot, being a 20 year old mom."

"that's fine, it's understandable." I pull away from him and he wipes my face from my tears. I laugh. He smiles at me. "you're really pretty, you know that."

"thanks. so are you."

"i'm pretty?"

"yeah. you're a pretty boy."

We both start laughing. I haven't felt like this since I started dating Adam. This happiness. It's different than the happiness I feel with Everleigh. I feel like i'm 15 again. Tom makes me happy. I haven't felt like this is so long, it's foreign almost. We both start to lean in.

"um, i'm going to check on Ev, make sure she's still sleeping." I say.

"okay." he says.

I get up and go into the room. I close the door and let my tears fall that I didn't know i was holding in. I'm scared that Adam is going to find me and Everleigh, I'm scared to bring Tom into this situation, and i'm also scared of starting something with Tom with the thought of him ending up like Adam.

I'm absolutely terrified of all those things.

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