Revelations an adaption of Pride and Prejudice

Chapter 120

When dinner is over with and the kitchen staff is cleaning up the remnants of their own supper in the common-room, Simon finally has a little time for a breather and a cup of coffee. It has been a very busy night, and besides the thing with Mrs Grenfell, Simon has his own worries. What if Anne accepts Frederick's proposal? Then they'll have to tell Nick about the two of them, exposing themselves to someone they both like, but hardly know. Nick is very kind, but he is also very much a ladies' man, by now a lady's man, Simon cannot imagine he will accept two men loving each other easily, if at all. Which means that it would be very foolish to let Frederick tell him. Better he does the hard part himself, rumours about him are flying anyway, and Nick will most likely not expose him.

Will things change very much when Frederick and Anne get married? Of course there is the wedding, at which Simon will not even be welcome. That does sting. And Frederick will be expected to move to his own house after his marriage, where will that leave Simon? After a long day of work he really has to remind himself that Frederick does not want to be away from him, does not want to be with anyone else but Simon himself. Frederick will make everything right, he always does, even Mrs Grenfell seems happy with the match he made for her, despite all the opposition from Mr Darcy.

And when Nick joins Simon at his table with a cup of coffee of his own, Simon remembers Nick will most likely be there with him, behind the scenes or somewhere else entirely, waiting for their loved ones to get married. Suddenly he needs to know, will Nick be there? Or will he be back with Mr Blackwood, improving himself towards a partnership in Mr Blackwood's firm while coming to terms with his lost love for Miss de Bourgh, possibly trying to forget his grief with a dalliance here and there.

'It's nearly time to leave, Simon, Colonel Compton always orders the carriage early. May I please come again next week? Stay over and chase the girls?'

'Of course you may, Nick. It's my pleasure, and since we're not really going to chase any girls, Mr Darcy will not object.'

'I do feel bad about that, Simon, I'm using you to please myself and Anne. There is nothing in it for you, I suppose you'd like to really go out sometimes.'

A better moment will never come. Simon checks the room and finds it empty. Still, why take the risk?

'Will you join me in my office for half an hour, Nick? There is something I need to tell you about chasing girls.'

Of course Nick does, and when they are seated, door closed, Simon gathers his courage and says, 'You don't need to feel guilty about not chasing girls with me, Nick. I cultivate the image of being a Casanova, but in fact I don't fancy going after girls at all.'

'Why not, Simon? Are you engaged? In secret? I thought Mr Darcy was easygoing with his servants dating?'

'He is, but that is not the point. I do not fancy girls, Nick. I've tried to fall in love with women, I've even dated some, but it just doesn't work. For some unfathomable reason I can only fall in love with men. And I only date men who have the same affliction, in case you are wondering.'

Nick is stunned, but not into silence, for he says mechanically, 'I'm not, Simon, I think I would have known if you were in love with me. Instead you've caught me by surprise. That one rumour was true, and the rest of them weren't?'

'I did flirt with scores of maids, but none of it was serious. Do you mind?'

He does not look disgusted, or ready to hit Simon and leave, but he does not understand either.

'How can you not love women, Simon? They're so nice and soft and sweet, and they smell so good. Men are rough and coarse, and they have hair everywhere. How can you want to touch a man when you can have any woman you like? You're so handsome, all the girls love you!'