Revelations an adaption of Pride and Prejudice

Chapter 39

She doesn't answer him straight away, her contemplations still have a hold on her, and she lets her feelings for her beloved take over from her love of nature before she speaks.

'I've never been happier in my life,' she replies earnestly, ignoring Wickham's familiarity in addressing her, somehow it is fitting at this particular moment.

'I never thought the idea of a married couple being one could be taken seriously, but Fitzwilliam and I have truly become two parts of a whole. When we are separated for as short a time as half an hour or an hour, we celebrate our reunion as if it had been days.'

'I envy you your happiness, but most of all I envy Fitzwilliam.'

And indeed, Wickham's gentle demeanour is more harsh than Elizabeth has ever seen it.

'I hated him for being an heir, hated him for being Richard's son instead of me. I hated him for being a righteous prig and for judging me when Richard didn't. Why should he always be right, because he was a few years older? Because he was going to be lording it over hundreds of people, never having to work a single day of his life?

His father already had that, and he celebrated life with me, told me my mother had the rights of it, to live her only life to the full. He taught his son to keep the family fortune safe, and then spent it with me.'

That obviously atoned but little for the advantages Fitzwilliam had over Wickham, and Elizabeth feels sorry for both young men, the one doing all the work, for of course Wickham is very much mistaken that Fitzwilliam never works, but she suspects he knows that by now. And the other having all the fun, never learning how to handle any kind of responsibility. The late Mr Darcy has a lot to answer for, though of course both men have made their own life's decisions as well.

'He promised me he'd provide for me, but who knows what went through his mind those last months, to put such an unfair condition on my independence. He cannot have expected me to take orders.

Which is why I suspected Fitzwilliam of getting his revenge on me in this way. I should have known he doesn't even have the gumption to pull such a trick on me, it must have been Richard himself. Do you think he didn't want me to enjoy life when he was no longer there to participate?'

Wickham clearly thinks this a possibility.

'Of course my own father begged me to take it, to live according to my means, as he had always done. But what did that get him? Mother did what pleased her anyway.

Though father really loved her, and he seemed to enjoy his work. Sometimes I think I may have made the wrong decision, if I had taken orders, at least I could have married a woman I could love, and relate to.

And that is why I envy Fitzwilliam still. I thought he was a prude for denying himself for nearly a decade, but in the end his way prevailed. He is a different man, his love changed him.

And to think I gave all that up, years ago, carousing with his father, while he studied, learned to run an estate, kept his mother and Georgiana company. We were good friends once, you know.

Would you have married me, if I had been the man I could have been? Steward to Fitzwilliam Darcy, or a minister?'

Though Elizabeth could have sworn Wickham never had any serious intentions towards her when she so unwisely showed her preference for him, he may have come to regret her later, when he married a featherhead, and Elizabeth his eternal rival.

'We probably wouldn't have met if you hadn't been in the militia.

There was a time I admired you even as you were, brother, but had I become aware of your transgressions and habits after marrying you, I'm quite sure I would have learned to hate you. I'm glad you showed your true colours with Miss King.