"Sometimes we will die and sometimes we will fly away, either way you're by my side until my dying day." I hum softly, nervously wringing my hands. Josh is in a rolling chair, head resting on my lap. We've been in the doctors room for about a good ten minutes, and the tension just keeps growing worse and worse.
"And If I'm not there and I'm far away I said, "Don't be afraid."" Josh sings along softly. Hearing him say the last part sends a wave of comfort through my body. He's bouncing slightly in the chair, a sign that he is nervous as well, which I won't lie, makes me feel a bit better because I know I'm not alone with this overwhelming feeling.
Taking off his snapback, I put it beside me and I start running my fingers through his hair. He lets out a small sigh, and stops bouncing. He places his hands on the tops of my thighs and rubs soothing circles through my jeans.
"I wanna strip myself of breath-" The doctors walks in, a clipboard in her hand.
"Hello, my name is Isabella, I will be your doctor today." Josh slowly pick his head up from my lap, but leaves one of his hands on my thigh, which I grab and hold onto for dear life. "So, Abby-Lynn, will you tell me why you're here today?"
I look over at Josh and he nods at me, giving my hand a squeeze. I take a deep, shaky breath before I start talking.
"Uh, well, for a long time I would just be doing something and I would black out for anywhere from ten minutes to hours. It used to be I would just be frozen in that spot, but it's been getting worse lately. A couple of months ago I started to develop breathing problems, like my lungs would close up and it would be so hard to breathe. And my blackouts have started to cause my body to just go limp whenever it happens, which has caused many problems."
"I don't know if this is any help, but one time we were sleeping, and she just stopped breathing. And she had stopped for like a couple of minutes." Josh adds in, looking down at out hand. He plays with my fingers, gently rubbing the tip of each. The doctor smiles softly at Josh before going back to continue to write down on her clipboard.
"That's extremely helpful, thank you. So, blackouts and breathing has progressively gotten worse? When's the last one time this has happened?" I look down at Josh with scrunched eyebrows, and he looks at me with the same exact facial expression.
"We don't remember. A couple of days ago?" Isabella nods, jotting whatever down. In the silence, I can hear that Josh is still humming along to Taxi Cab.
"Ok. I'm going to ask some questions now, and try to answer as honestly as possible, ok?" She asks, hopping onto a counter. I nod Josh squeezes my hand. He smiles at me with his cheesiest grin, and I can't help but smile back at his attempt to make me happy.
"Ok, are you occasionally dizzy or short of breath? Do you deal with any chest pains?
"Not often, but before it happens, yes. And yes to the chest pains, but not everyday."
"Do you have any health problems? Like heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure? Has anyone in your family dealt with any of those before."
"Me, no. My dad does have high blood pressure, and my grandma has diabetes."
"Do you smoke, drink, or commonly use caffeine?"
"I used to smoke, but I haven't in years. I do drink and caffeine is in my daily routine."
"Ok..." She finishes scribbling on her clipboard. She puts it down and starts walking over to me, which causes Josh to back away a little bit to give her room. "Do you mind if I listen to your breathe for a little bit? And then if I listen to your heart." I give her the go ahead, and she places the cold equipment on my test.
I make a silly face at Josh, and he sticks his tongue out at me. When I start laughing, I realize I'm supposed to be focused on my breathing. Taking a deep breath, I feel my lungs rattle in my chest, and as I exhale I feel her pressing slightly harder in my back.
When she is done, she goes back over to her clipboard. After a couple of seconds, she looks up and smiles warmly. "Ok, I'm going to schedule you for a couple of examinations, ok? You'll have multiple ones possibly, so just try to relax. I'll be right back." And with that, she is gone.
I look down at my hands and release a shaky breath. I hear the squeaking wheels as Josh makes his way back to me. He wraps his arms around my waist, and it takes everything in my to not let a couple of tears fall. He lifts my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes.
"You're so brave." Is all he says, before I throw my arms around him to pull him in a tight hug. He lightly runs his fingers over my back, his other hand cupping the back of my head. "You're so brave, Abby-Lynn. And we are going to get through this together."
"I know the night will turn to gray, I know the stars will start to fade when all the darkness fades away." Josh hums while I sing, still clinging onto each other. A knock sounds through the room, and Josh pulls back slightly, still resting his hand on my back.
"Ok, we have you scheduled for an EKG, Stress Test, Echocardiography, and a chest x-ray. After all of that, we will have to hook you up to an holter monitor, which we will describe more when we get to that time. Are you ready?" Isabella rushes out when she gets back inside.
I slowly nod, terrified by how many tests she has me doing.
"You got this, baby girl." Josh whispers in my ear as he stands up. He reaches for my hand, which I gladly take. As we follow behind Isabella, I can't thank the world enough for giving my Josh. If he wasn't here with me, I would have backed out.
Looking over at him, I take in everything. How his eyes glance everywhere, how he is slightly nibbling on his lip. I watch the way his walking is in sync with mine, but yet it still feels like he is leading me.
When we get to a door that Isabella opens, I take a deep breath, and Josh's eyes make contact with mine. He winks at me, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. I can do this.
~~~~~
"We will have the test result back to you when we get them." Isabella says, as the nurse puts patches and wires on my body for the holter monitor. "This will record your heart for a day or two, allowing us to see if anything is wrong, ok?" I nod, and soon enough, Josh and I are free to leave.
Once we are back in the car, Josh starts giggling. I look at him with a quizzical expression, but that just makes him laugh harder.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The doctor was so sweet, but I swear she said ok like a million times." When he says that, I realize it's actually true, and I start laughing as well. After the giggles falter, he starts the car. I watch him as he drives, relief flowing through me. This mess I am is finally going to get figured out.
We're driving towards the morning sun where all your blood is washed away and all you did will be undone. And I said, don't be afraid. I said, don't be afraid..
~authors note~
Hey guys! Sorry for not updating in a while. Also, I have sort of made her sickness into something that really does exist, BUT BEAR IN MIND, I DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. So some things may not be true! Ok? I'm sorry, I truly have tried my best to make it like how it actually is, but not everything can be perfect. Thanks for reading guys xoxo Have a great day ! ~
YOU ARE READING
Hide And Seek ~ Josh Dun
Fanfiction"Are you lost?" "I like to think of it as a horrible game of hide and seek." ~ |-/ Disclaimer : I do not own Tyler Joseph, Joshua Dun, Jenna Joseph or anyone related to Twenty One Pilots. I also do not own any of their songs or lyrics.
