I woke up before Colby. My body was aching and my heart was already racing. Baby girl was already rolling and kicking which made me feel sick.
Last night was rough. It was something I haven't thought about since waking up.
I was the reason the kids were orphans was because I killed their parents.
The two people who brought me and all my siblings into the world were dead bevause I killed them in such a violent way.
It made me worried that my own daughter would kill Colby and I one day.
What if we became horrible parents and forced her into the crime world.
We haven't fully decided what we were going to do but I felt like no matter what we chose, it would be wrong.
I just didn't want to disappoint our daughter.
"Sissy." Juniper whispered as Colby slept soundly, his arms wrapped around me and his hand resting on my belly.
"Yes, love?" I whispered as she walked up to me. "Can we get breakfast?" She asked as I nodded.
"Yeah, let's see if the others are awake." I said then carefully got out of bed. I didn't want to wake Colby because I kept him up for so long last night.
He was such a trooper for dealing with me and for driving us all across the country to get home.
He needed to rest if we were going to get there in one piece.
Luckily I was able to get up without waking him, however right when I stood up I felt like I was going to throw up everywhere.
I kept myself together enough to be able to get to the other room where the other kids were.
"Are we leaving?" Carter asked as I shook my head and made my way to the bathroom so I could throw up.
"Oh..." Jenna said as she looked over at me. I felt bad because she was brushing her teeth and I totally barged in but I couldn't help it.
"Sorry." I groaned as I wiped my mouth. "Morning sickness?" Jenna asked as I nodded. "Yeah." I said then stood up.
"I'm gonna go brush my teeth then we're gonna go down for breakfast." I explained then hobbled out of the room and towards Colby and I's room.
It hurt to bend over and to crouch so looking for my toothbrush was literally Hell on earth but I finally found it and went into the bathroom.
I was trying so hard to be quiet so I wouldn't wake Colby up so I just used the toothbrush manually instead of using the electric feature.
Once my teeth were brushed I made my way back to the kids' room.
"Ready?" I asked as they all nodded. "Are you doing okay, Jule?" Sam asked as I nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about last night." I said quietly.
"It's okay. We know how hard this has been. We're proud of you." Carter said gently.
"I love you." I said as my eyes watered. My hormones were absolutely crazy right now and crying has become a new normal.
Of course I was always pretty emotional and cried all the time, but this was different.
I felt out of control.
"Is Colby coming down to breakfast?" Sam asked as I shook my head. "He's still sleeping. I'll bring something up for him." I said as we filed out of the room.
"Are you feeling better?" Jenna asked as I nodded. I didn't know if I really felt better but I didn't want the kids to worry. I was absolutely unhinged from all the trauma and all of the hormones that were heightened from the pregnancy.
