"I'm sorry?" I asked after a few minutes of silence. "You're pregnant. Your blood test showed that your HGC levels were higher than normal." Dr. Pitt said as I shook my head.
I couldn't believe that this was happening and that I was going to have to go through this again. Both times I have been pregnant in the past, I lost the baby.
I couldn't go through that again.
"Do you have a OBGYN or would you like me to refer you to one?" He asked as I looked around the room nervously.
My mind seemed to be rejecting the idea that I was literally pregnant. It was quite literally the worst time ever for this to be happening since Colby was MIA.
I couldn't handle this alone.
"I need one." I said quietly, looking up at him. "Okay, we'll get you set up. I can see you're stressed, but it's going to be okay. What we're going to do today is get you set up with levetiracetam. That's a seizure medication that's safe for pregnancy." He said then started writing the prescription.
"I suggest getting some prenatal vitamins when you pick these up, and try to get an appointment with this OB as soon as possible." He explained and handed me a piece of paper.
"Okay...uh...thanks." I said quietly as he chuckled. "It's all gonna be okay." He assured then patted my shoulder.
I didn't know if I believed him because everything felt so scary right now but just like everything else, I would have to get through it.
I tried to call Colby again on the way to the car because I was freaking the fuck out.
I wasn't going to tell him about the pregnancy until he was back because that would be the ultimate distraction for him.
He deserved to know what was going on but he also deserved to not worry about it right this second.
When he didn't answer this time, I burst into tears. I needed him now more than ever and the fact he wasn't here was sending me into distress.
I couldn't tell the kids about this because it was probably too early. I didn't know how far along I was but it couldn't be more than a couple of months.
I had a history of miscarrying and knew I couldn't tell them for a long ass time. I would just have to sit with this information in my head, not being able to tell anyone.
It felt so isolating.
Once I grabbed my new medication and the prenatal vitamins, I went home. Since I didn't sleep at all last night I was absolutely exhausted.
"Hi, sissy!!" Juniper said as she smiled and waved. "Hey." I said and walked into the kitchen. I was grateful that my prescription came in a white bag because I could hide my prenatal vitamins in there.
"How'd it go?" Jenna asked as I shrugged. "It went. I have a new prescription. I'm very tired though so I'm going to go to bed." I said then went over and gave both of the girls a hug.
"Thanks for holding down the fort." I said as Jenna sighed. "Any time." She said as I went to go up to my room.
As soon as I got there I started to cry, not knowing how I could possibly take on this extra stress. I was craving some sort of drug to numb the fear, but I wasn't going to go down that road.
I laid in bed then cried myself to sleep, letting my body finally relax.
I must have slept for a long ass time because I was being woken up by someone shaking my shoulder.
"Hey, Jule?" Carter asked as I cracked my eyes open. "Yes?" I asked as he chuckled. "We've been fending for ourselves but we don't have anything to make for dinner." He said as I sat up. "Dinner?" I asked as he nodded.
