"What do you think about these?" Devyn asked as she held up a pot of flowers.
"They're fine." I said blandly, picking at my nails. "I think they're pretty." Jenna said as Devyn put them in our basket.
Right now Devyn, Jenna, little Sam, and I were shopping for Thanksgiving, but also for Colby's funeral.
We were going to have a little celebration for him the day after Thanksgiving. I wasn't ready to officially mourn him but I knew it would be good for the kids to have that closure.
"Jule, do you know how to make a turkey?" Sam asked as we walked down the aisles. "I gutted one once. Never cooked one." I said remembering my first real Thanksgiving.
It was after the first time I was taken. Colby and I just started dating at the time and I remembered being so in love and so happy to be a part of something.
It was the first real Thanksgiving I actually had.
"We'll figure it out like we did last time." Devyn said with a reassuring smile. "Yeah." I said simply as Sam grabbed another pot of flowers.
"What was Colby's favorite color?" He asked and looked at the flowers. "Black." I mumbled, twisting the ring around my neck.
"How did he feel about red?" Sam hummed. "I'm sure he liked it just fine." I said then took the flowers and just put them into the cart.
I was having a hard time being involved in the funeral planning. It made all of this feel so real and I really wasn't ready for it.
We obviously didn't have a body or anything so having a funeral would be hard.
"Jules, did you send the pictures you want printed?" Devyn asked as I shook my head, my eyes watering.
The truth was I didn't want to send her any pictures I had of me and Colby or of Colby in general. It hurt to admit to myself that he was gone, and it hurt to look at memories of us.
"Oh...oh shit." Devyn said as I covered my face with my hands, starting to cry again.
"It's okay, Jule." Sam said as Jenna hugged me. "I'm sorry." I whispered and tried to calm myself down but I was having such a hard time.
"We can just shop for Thanksgiving for now...I can take the kids to shop for the funeral later." Devyn said as I nodded.
"Thanks, Dev." I mumbled the wiped my eyes and pulled away.
We spent the next hour or so picking out all the stuff for Thanksgiving tomorrow.
It was a good distraction for the kids to have this to look forward to. I was worried that the gravity of Colby's death would hit them extremely hard when tomorrow was over.
No matter when the grief would hit, we would be together through it all.
When we got home I made my way upstairs so I could be alone.
It was hard being strong during this and I wouldn't say I was even being all that strong to begin with.
Leaving the house was a small step I was taking at acting normal and it took a lot out of me to do it.
"Hey, Jules." Nate said as he poked his head into the room. "I can't." I said quietly as he came to sit on the bed.
"I'm proud of you for how you're handling all of this. I know how hard it is." He said as my eyes watered.
"I know." He said and pulled me in for a hug. "When does it get better?" I asked, hiding my face into him.
"I don't have an answer for that, but I know one day it'll get better." He said as I pulled away.
