The aching in my head was horrible but the pain in my heart was even worse.
I almost killed us all because I wasn't taking care of myself.
My body betrayed me because I was upset and in turn it fucked everything up.
I fucked everything up.
I could already hear CPS banging on our door to take the kids away again. They would be ripped away from me for the third time all because I was a fuck up.
It was all my fault.
"Jules." Colby mumbled, catching my attention. "I did this." I whispered as he reached over and caressed my cheek gently. "Try not to be so hard on yourself, sweetheart. It was an accident." He said and stood up.
"I'm gonna go grab the kids, I really think they'll help you feel better." He said as I shook my head. "Don't leave Juniper alone." I said as he shook his head.
"I'll stay with her. Now stop stressing so much, your heart monitor is giving you away." He said and pointed to the machine which was now beeping very quickly. I whimpered and covered my face with my hands, hating the feeling that I was about to break the fuck down.
Between the feeling of losing my sobriety, the fact I hurt my siblings, and the ptsd I was feeling about miscarrying was really too much for my fragile mind.
Colby was so supportive and didn't seem to be mad at me at all.
I know I was probably acting insane for being so mad at him earlier, but I didn't like the secrets. I didn't like that he was pulling away and I didn't like feeling like he was hiding something from me.
Maybe it was just my trust issues.
"Jule!" Sam yelled as he ran into the room with Jenna and Carter. The first thing I noticed was the bright orange cast on his wrist and the bruises and cuts that were on all of them.
I immediately burst into tears, covering my face again.
"Wowww....he wasn't kidding." Carter said as Jenna smacked his arm. "It's okay, Jule. We're okay." Jenna said gently as Sam came over and took my hand. "I-i-it's all my f-fault." I said and sniffled.
"No, it's our fault. We shouldn't have been fighting." Jenna said as I shook my head. "It had nothing to do with that." I said with a sniffle. "How are you feeling?" Carter asked, changing the subject.
"I don't care. I am just so sorry." I said as Sam shook his head. "Stop apologizing. It was an accident and look, I have a cool cast now." He said and held up his cast.
"I want you to sign it." He said as I sniffled and rubbed my nose.
"You guys aren't mad?" I asked as they all shook their heads. "We're just glad you're okay, Jule." Carter said causing me to frown.
I didn't know what I did to deserve such amazing siblings.
They were so young and have been through so much but no matter what happened they were understanding and forgiving.
They ended up hanging out with me for a while before the drugs wore off and I was in excruciating pain.
The addiction monster inside of me wanted to just say fuck it and have them give me another dose of drugs but I knew I couldn't.
I refused to fall down that slippery slope no matter how badly I wanted to.
I could tell the kids were getting tired because they weren't talking as much and their eyes were hooded.
I knew I had to stay the night because of my injuries but they should be able to go home and get some rest.
I went to tell them to go find Colby but before I could the door was opening and a bed was being wheeled in.
