After talking to Corey on the phone, I felt a little better about what was going on at home.
I knew in my heart I needed to push that part of my mind away. I needed to focus fully on the situation here.
They were in good hands there.
I tried to sleep and get some rest but I physically couldn't. My mind was constantly racing, thinking about what we needed to do here.
I had to work hard and put myself in a situation I didn't feel super comfortable in.
I had to pretend like I had any idea what was going on or what to do.
I was definitely in over my head.
When the sun came up I decided to take a shower, knowing I had a long day ahead of me.
I got undressed and looked in the mirror to see my rounded stomach, reminding me that I had to be as safe as humanly possible.
If Colby knew about this baby, maybe he would have been more careful. Maybe it was a huge mistake not telling him.
I put my hand on the small bump, closing my eyes as I rubbed it gently with my thumb.
My emotions were everywhere as my mind drifted off to the possibility that Colby would never know.
He may never meet his son or daughter.
I shook my head then got in the shower. It felt good to be alone in this moment, letting the water wash away as much worry as it possibly could.
Once I was done in the shower I went back into the bedroom so I could get dressed and take my medications.
I took my seizure medication with no hesitation then reached for the prenatal vitamins I had to take.
I was about to pop it into my mouth when the door opened.
"Hey, Jules. I don't- oh." Stas said as she opened the door, looking at the bottle of vitamins in my hand.
"Julia...are you..." She asked and came into the room, closing the door behind her. I nodded, tears forming in my eyes.
"Oh my god! Congratulations!" She said and hugged me. I couldn't help but start to cry, knowing that the secret was out.
I wanted Colby to be the first to know but if felt good that it came to light.
"Are you crying? Oh....oh shit. Does Colby know?" She asked as I shook my head, covering my mouth as tears poured down my cheeks.
"It's okay...you're okay." She said and hugged me tightly, rubbing my back. "I can't lose him." I sobbed out as she tightened her grip.
"It's alright." She said as I nodded, pulling away. "Sorry...I'm the only one who knows. I guess I'm just overwhelmed." I said and wiped my eyes.
"How far along are you?" She asked as I sighed. "Eleven weeks." I said then took the vitamins.
"That's crazy! Are you excited?" Stas asked as I nodded.
"I'd be more excited if the father wasn't missing and I was going to put us both in danger." I said and put my hand on my stomach.
"Wait. You can't do that!" Stas said as I shook my head.
"You're not gonna stop me, Stas. You're also not going to tell anyone about this." I said with a hint of aggression.
"Woah." Stas said then took a step back. "Sorry. I'm just not gonna let this get in my way." I said and closed my eyes.
"It's a baby, Julia. Not a problem you can just push down." She said as I nodded.
"I know that. I just need to be careful. It's extremely important that nobody else knows." I said said as she nodded.
