Whatever It Takes

Chapter 107

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words, you've got my head spinning.. I don't know where to go from here.
--Lifehouse





"How much longer?" she grumbles out after an hour and a half of hiking up the mountain, and little to no conversation making it seem that much longer, as well as tense.

"Almost there." Derek grumbles out shortly..

He was still feeling his head spin from her last comment and was starting to wonder if she was ever going to get over it and know that she could trust him. He hated that he'd even done that to her, but wanted forgiveness, wanted to move on from it. He knew that not talking wasn't doing them any good, but he was afraid of what might be said next.

Finally they came to a clearing at the edge of a ledge with a gorgeous view overlooking the lake and forest below.. Derek felt a smile as he stopped and absorbed the view below..

"Ah, would you look at that view!" he grinned with a relieved sigh..

"Yeah." Meredith mumbled with a sigh "its something."

Derek turned to see her looking tired, and a little distracted. He remembered that she used to love getting outdoors, going on adventure, and doing things like this on a whim.

But she just didn't seem to be enjoying herself. She just didn't seem like herself anymore. They sat down on some large rocks and started opening up their packed lunch, trying to think of a way to end the uncomfortable silence set between them.

"Are you hungry?" he asked..

"Starving." She emphasized.. he let out a chuckle as he handed her a sandwich and bottle of water..

"One thing I've always loved about you is your very healthy appetite." He smiled...

"Good." She smiled as she took a bite of the sandwich.. Derek started to eat as well and looked out at the view again...

"You know I've always wanted to have a house with a view like this... you cant get this kind of scenery in Connecticut."

"No you cant." She mumbled through her food "But this is a state park Derek, I doubt they'll be letting you build your house on this mountain anytime soon."

"Not what I meant." He sighed "I meant finding a place like this to build.. and it would be our home."

"What?" she asked..

"You said your house.. but it would be our house." He replied..

"Oh." She mumbled.. "right." She let out a sigh as she took her boots off and started to stretch out and rub her feet "Well wherever it is I hope it has less of a hike, my feet are killing me!"

"Sorry." He mumbled and looked around at the beautiful scenery, just wishing that she was enjoying it as much as he was.. he let out a sigh and finally looked over at her "Are we going to get through this Meredith?"

"God, I hope so." She replied "Because dying on a hiking trail is not how I wanted to go.. not that people necessarily plan their death or anything but—"

"No." he said cutting her off "I mean this.. us."

"Oh." She mumbled... she swallowed hard as she looked at her lap and sighed "I don't know." She looked up at him to see the undeniable look of disappointment on his face "And that scares me.. so lets just eat."

"Ok." He says with a nod.

They both went back to their lunch in silence, both wondering where this was going and too scared to think about the unthinkable. All they could hope was that something changed.. and changed soon.