Whatever It Takes

Chapter 64

Meredith was sitting in her office after a long morning surgery finishing her surgical notes.. she let out a sigh and put her hand on the back of her neck massaging the sore spot that had accrued..

She felt the chain around her neck dangling and she put her hand over her chest to still them and felt a smile cross her face as well as a tinge of guilt, wondering exactly what she was going to do when Finn came expecting her to be wearing the necklace...

She heard her phone starting to ring and put down her pen feeling her stomach jump into her throat when she glanced at the caller ID...

"He... hello?" she stuttered out clearing her throat..

"Hey you." He said warmly "How was your morning so far?"

"Very eventful." She smiled "Lots of blood."

"Sounds interesting." He said sarcastically "I had a dream about you last night."

"You did?" she asked caught by surprise "What um.. what was I doing?"

"Nothing like that." He chuckled sensing a little nervousness on her end "It wasn't much... just you and me walking on the beach holding hands.. you were wearing this white dress that blew all over the place in the wind and my grandmother's necklace."

"Your what?" she gasped.. her gut started to knot at the white dress part but it was the aftermath that had gotten her attention...

"Uh... my grandmother." He replied wondering if he'd said too much "That necklace I gave you... it was hers, and my wife.. she never liked it so..."

"Oh, Finn.. you.. you really shouldn't have, I.. I cant take it.."

"I'm scaring you aren't I?" he asked with a slight disappointment in his voice..

"Maybe a little." She sighed trying not to scream "It was really sweet but we're only dating and I mean.. your grandmother's necklace?"

"I know." He replied "I know it's a lot, and I don't want to rush you, I'm not trying to make this more than it is... but I spent three weeks looking for the perfect gift for you, because you are so perfect... and when I saw that... well I was hoping that the importance of it would make you feel as special as you are to me."

She felt her racing heart sink instantaneously into her chest as guilt wrenched her gut... she closed her eyes and bit her lip as she tried to recover her breath and her hand dropped to her desk from its spot wrapped around the rings...

Finn thought she was perfect, and special, and giving her a family heirloom so soon... she couldn't believe he trusted her with something so precious... it made him seem all too perfect himself... she swallowed down the lump in her throat and let out a sigh...

"Ok." She smiled "It does... it still scares me a little, so maybe I'll just keep it for something special... because that's what you make me feel... and thank you so much, I just... I really need to get you something amazing in return."

"Its ok." He chuckled "I'm not the kind of guy that expects a lot in return."

"Good." She giggled...

"Hey my dad is calling me so, I gotta go but can I call you later?"

"You can." She smiled "Have fun."

"I will... bye."

"Bye."

She let out a heaving sigh and groaned under her breath as she hung up and set the phone down on her desk.. she squeezed her eyes closed feeling the sting of beginning tears and pressed her lips together heavily... she slowly reluctantly reached up and unclasped the necklace from her neck...

She slid the rings off the chain and felt bittersweet as she put them securely in the box they'd been in so long... she turned and returned the chain in the box with the pendant and set it next to the ring box... at that moment... she didn't feel like wearing either... like she was caught between something like a game of tug-o-war.

She sighed as she stood up snapping the finished chart close and walked it out of her office and down the hall towards the nurses station as her head felt numb and fuzzy with irrational thoughts...

She felt a knot in her throat and chest as the emotional turmoil churned inside of her and she set the chart in its rightful spot... she turned around to return to her office when she jumped and gasped loudly...

"Sorry." He grinned "Didn't mean to startle you."

"Yeah." She said breathily as she tried to recover "Did you need something?"

"No." he frowned "Just wanted to say hello... are you ok?"

"Yeah." She replied shortly "I just had a... eventful morning."

"Hmmm." He smiled taking her in as his eyes sparkled "Well maybe I can make up for it by taking you to dinner tonight?"

"Dinner?" she frowned looking at him almost appalled

"Yes." He smirked "It is a meal at the end of the day... that people... friends... may eat together."

She looked at him feeling the weight on her chest grow as she stared into his eyes reading them... she felt her breath stolen from her as she felt herself wanting to get lost in them... she shook the thoughts out of her head and stiffened her jaw..

"No." she spat out

"No?" he frowned surprised she was rejecting the offer...

"No Derek... no you don't want to go as friends, you have that look in your eyes..."

"What look?" he asked furrowing his brow...

"That look." She said narrowing her eyes "Our look.... and the look that says I'm going to weasel my way in between you and what's his name because my competition is out of the country... but its not going to work... you may say that you want to be friends.. to go out with me as a friend... but you don't, you keep doing it hoping that I'll one day find you irresistible and forget about the past.. forget about Finn.. but I cant... I cant because Finn... is a good guy, maybe even a perfect guy... and he's the first person in a long time that makes me feel like I'm something special... not something I once was... not something to compete over..."

He opened his mouth to defend himself when she gave him her look that stopped his tongue all together...

"Thing is... I do still feel something for you... Even after five years... I married you... I had a baby with you... I would be a robot if I didn't feel something still... maybe that's why I put the rings on... maybe that's why I wanted them close to me... but I cant... not anymore... I have to move forward, but not with you.. not as anything more than friends... real friends Derek... Finn maybe out of the country... but he's never hurt me... and.. you, did."

She opened her mouth to say more feeling tears pool in her eyes but her throat was soon engulfed with a knot... she closed her mouth and gave him an almost pleading look before turning on her heels and walking back to the serenity of her office...

He stood there motionless feeling his heart sink into his gut and pressed his lips together feeling defeat... he knew it wouldn't be easy... and he didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had.. he started to wonder if what he wanted really was the right thing.