Whatever It Takes

Chapter 91

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know the first cut is the deepest.
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed, when it comes to loving me he's worst.
--Sheryl Crow





After talking with Katie and a good night's sleep Meredith finally left her bedroom, and her house. She walked into work that day hoping the surgeries she had scheduled would help ease the feeling inside of her.. Hoping to get her mind off the fact that she had 24 hours to decide. It should be an easy thing to do, but for her.. it wasn't.

She got to her office and found a small stack of charts on her desk. Most days it would make her grumble but today.. it brought her relief. She reviewed the charts and grabbed the first one as she headed off down the hall.. she stopped at the first room still reading over the chart as she stepped in and looked up to see an older woman and what looked to be her husband, standing over her bed feeding her ice chips.

"Hello Mrs. Jacobson, I'm Dr. Grey, I'll be doing your coronary this afternoon." She said feeling a little guilty for interrupting their moment.. feeling herself smile inside at the thought of having someone like that when she was old.

"Oh hello." She smiled "I've heard quite a lot of things about you."

"Well I hope that they were good things." Meredith giggled..

"They were." The man smiled nervously "I only want the best for my Betsy.. I cant imagine my life without her."

"Oh Jim." She blushed "You've had half a lifetime with me, I'm sure its more than enough."

"Its never enough." He said leaning over and kissing her softly on the forehead..

Meredith felt herself smiling watching the interaction when the man's cell phone began to ring.. he looked at it and then at his wife apologetically..

"It's the kids.. I better take this." He said..

"Of course darling, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." She smiled.. he nodded and smiled at Meredith as he left the room.. Meredith walked over to the woman and looked over the nurses chart feeling lighthearted..

"You shouldn't have anything to worry about Mrs. Jacobson.. I mean problems do happen but I've done a lot of coronary's and not to sound too proud, but I'm good at what I do."

"Oh dear, no need to muffle your pride.. life is short, be proud."

"Ok." She giggled "Your husband seems to be taking good care of you so I don't feel worried about your recovery."

"Yes, he does take good care of me... after all this time."

"Oh?" Meredith smiled "How long have you been married?"

"52 years on and off."

"On and off?" Meredith asked and then realized she asked too much.. "Sorry that was.. never mind."

"Its quite alright dear, I have nothing to hide.. it's a part of our path.. sometimes things happen in a marriage.. I'm sure you understand.. are you married?"

"Umm." Meredith mumbled nervously.. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" she giggled "I thought a person would know if they were married or not."

"You would think." Meredith smiled.. "Its just.. the path.. I'm not sure if I can stay on it."

"I know what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yes." She smiled "Jim wasn't always hovering over me feeding me ice chips dear. At one point he was even seeing someone else. We got a divorce, and he moved out. I thought it was the end for sure."

"Oh god I'm so sorry." Meredith gasped.. "But you're together now.. and so happy.. I mean.. how.. how did you ever find how to trust him again? I mean weren't you afraid of being hurt over and over again.. how can someone expect you to just forget all that."

"Oh honey." She smiled "It wasn't a piece of cake.. and it took some time.. but.. it doesn't matter who I chose to move on with.. the risk of being hurt will always be there, its the hurt that tells us we're human. But no one knows my husband like I do, and I just knew that he was very sorry, and looking in his eyes I knew that he would never hurt me like that again.. it's a gamble I took for sure but it turned out for the best."

"But what if there's someone else." She asked sitting in the edge of the bed "What if there's someone that hasn't hurt you.. someone that.. loves you. How do you throw that away for someone that has hurt you."

"Darling you know." She said softly "In your heart, as confused as your head feels.. you know in your heart who you're meant for. Hurt or no hurt. And as much as it hurts, sometimes letting them go hurts much worse."

Meredith smiles as she blinks back the tears starting to form in her eyes and stands up grabbing the chart and making some final notes..

"Well enough about my problems, lets start getting you prepped for surgery so that your love story can continue."

"Ok my dear." She smiled.. Meredith smiled before turning and walking towards the door, when she heard her voice stop her in her tracks.. "You love him?"

Meredith stood there frozen in the doorway feeling her breath all but cease.. she looked down at her hands before turning around to face the woman with a heavy look in her eyes and whispered..

"Yes."