Whatever It Takes

Chapter 34

You could be happy and I won't know, but you weren't happy the day I watched you go.
And all the things that I wish I had not said, are played in loops til it's madness in my head..
Is it too late to remind you how we were?
--Snow Patrol



He walked through the dark halls of the hospital late that night stopping at the OR board and letting out a deep sigh noticing that his wife was still in OR 3 and would be all night meaning no date night.

He shook his head not able to get upset, he knew the grueling life of being a surgeon all to well.

He rubbed his hand over his balding head and turned to walk down the hallway tossing the strap to his briefcase over his shoulder and scuffled down the linoleum hallway.

All the lights were off, all the patients on the floor were sleeping soundly for the night, after all it was nearly 2 am. He turned the corner to go towards the elevator when he noticed a light on in a small office.

He furrowed his brow and his curiosity got the better of him, knowing he should get home and rest before his large load started tomorrow.

He turned and headed towards the light. He pushed the slightly cracked door open further peering in the room as he leaned against the doorframe seeing the tall drained figure pushing files into his briefcase as he cleaned off the makeshift desk.

"What are you doing?" Richard finally asked from the doorway...

Derek jumped as he looked up startled... his surprise faded and he let out a sigh as he looked down at his bag.

"Packing up my things, what does it look like."

"No you're not." Richard said in an authoritive tone...

"I am Richard." Derek replied without looking up "My patient is well onto the road of recovery, I can even monitor him from New York if you want. But I'm going home.."

"Again." Richard replied with more force "No, you're not. I need you... WE need you here."

Derek looked up at him not amused with an annoyed and depressed look in his eyes, the lines deep from stress in his face and a sad weakness weighing heavily on his shoulders..

"This hospital could really use you Derek." He continued "You're the best in the field. There are tons of cases we need you on. Dr. Yang granted, is a great doctor but she could be even better if she were to study under you."

"Richard." He choked out stopping him "She's dating someone else... she's... she's happy."

Richard looked back at him blankly. Derek slumped down into the leather office chair behind the desk letting out a sigh as he ran his hand against the side of his face and over his mouth as he propped his chin up with his fingers and looked up at Richard with tired eyes..

"I've hurt her.. beyond reason. She's moving on and I... I should just let her be happy."

Derek's eyes fell closed as he let out a sigh that didn't bring any more relief since he'd made the decision to leave when he left the vet clinic earlier. Seeing the happiness in Meredith's face. Happiness that he couldn't give her.

"Then don't stay for her." Richard said causing Derek to look up at him confused "Don't stay for Meredith, stay for you."

"Richard." He frowned "I have a highly esteemed high traffic practice in New York, I'm set for 5 lifetimes and I'm more busy than I need to be, there's only one reason and one reason whatsoever I would move out here and I just told you.. I'm letting it go."

"Ok." Richard replied "So you're going to make it difficult on me. But I can do difficult, whatever you're making out there I'll double it as well as your benefits and vacation time. Besides... out there running a practice you're only doing surgery half the time.. working here you'll be in surgery all the time and we BOTH know that's what you really want to be doing... its what you're good at Derek... so if you cant, or don't want to stay for Meredith. Then stay for you... or at least stay to be close to the thing you love doing every day."

Derek looked up at him absorbing the information and closed his eyes sitting back in his chair and rested his throbbing head as he absorbed the information.

He thought about it for a few minutes before he lifted his head and looked at the man in the doorway as he slowly opened his mouth.