Whatever It Takes

Chapter 92

There is no place I cannot go, my mind is muddy but my heart is heavy does it show? I lose the track that loses me so here I go..
I'm not calling for a second chance, I'm screaming at the top of my voice.. Give me reason, but don't give me choice, 'cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
--James Blunt





Mark walked down the hallway with a smile on his face, so much so that many of the hospital staff looked at him with confused curious faces.. He wasn't noticing, he was happy. He'd spent all night talking with Katie, and even took her to the airport that morning. He couldn't believe how much he'd missed the girl that grew up as a sister to him.. however last night he was starting to feel things.. things that weren't very sisterly.

He'd always thought that eventually he would end up with Addison. They had dated and messed around a lot over the years, but she wanted so much more and he just never seemed ready, and he knew that she deserved someone that was ready.

He was a boy that still wanted to play... that is until he started talking to Katie. He hoped that it wouldn't be another 6 months before he saw her again.. He heard his pager go off and looked at it realizing it was one of his patients up in the ICU.. he turned heading towards the stairwell knowing the elevator would take too long and headed through the doorway in a hurry when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye that stopped him immediately.

"Meredith?" He mumbled out seeing the small framed woman sitting huddled up in the corner of the landing.. she looked up at him slowly with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.. "What's wrong Mer.. did you lose a patient?" he asked as he walked over crouching down in front of her..

"No." she whispered out shaking her head..

"What's wrong?" he asked.. "And don't tell me nothing because I know better."

"How is it that everyone thinks they know me so well?"

"Its an east coast thing." He grinned.. she rolled her eyes..

"I'm from the west coast." She replied

"No." he said shaking his head "You moved to the west coast.. but you're originally from the east coast. You cant deny your heritage now, nor can you deny the fact that you're not fine."

"I can.. its easy."

"Is it really?" he asked concerned.. she felt a heavy weight on her chest and looked at him as a tear rolled down her cheek..

"No." she croaked out "Its not."

"Tell me what's wrong.. maybe I can help."

"You cant." She whispered out "No one can help me.. I thought that staying home would help, I thought that coming to work and being busy would help.. but nothing.. nothing helps... I have to make a decision.. and I don't know what to do.. and that scares me."

"So you're sitting in the stairwell to what? Face your fears?" Mark asks confused..

"I'm trying to think." She sighed "I just.. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Or maybe you do, you're just too afraid to do it." He replied "Maybe its time to face your fears."

"I cant." She whispered.. "I just.. I don't know what to do. I have a choice.. take the elevator, or take the stairs. The elevator is safe, its never gone wrong other than maybe a few stalls but it always fixes itself pretty quickly. But then there's the stairs, I used to love taking stairs.. but then I fell, they hurt me.. they.. they took something big away from me." She sniffled.. Mark reached over and put his hand on her arm giving it a squeeze "I have a choice... and I don't know which one to take."

"Well." Mark sighed "You know elevators have been known to crash.. they're not always safe."

"Oh thanks." She says sarcastically

"And the stairs.. they've hurt you I know. But if you take them carefully, and slowly.. and work on taking them.. they can be fun again."

"I don't know Mark." She says with tears in her eyes...

"Sometime Meredith." He says "You're going to realize that you need the stairs.. and hopefully it wont be when you're stuck in a faulty elevator."

Meredith looks at him with a blank expression on her face and slowly looks up at the stairs.. she gulps as Mark stands up and holds out his hand..

"Come on." He says softly "I'll help you.. we can do it one step at a time."

Meredith slowly stands up and looks at him and then at the stairs.. she takes a step forward and then stops feeling her heart begin to race and her breathing ragged.. she starts to feel the consequences of the last time she took the stairs and takes a step back as her eyes get cloudy and she shakes her head..

"I cant." She stutters out "I just.. I cant.. I'm just.. not ready."

Mark lets out a sigh as he sees her rush out of the stairwell and into the hallway.. he presses his lips together and hopes that one day.. and soon.. she does take the stairs.

You paged?" Mark asked as he opened the door to the dimly lit office and his eyes immediately went to the figure behind the desk tossing things from the desk into a box noticing that there were a few more scattered through the room. "What are you doing?"

"You'd think someone brilliant enough to become a head plastic surgeon would recognize packing." Derek retorted.. Mark rolled his eyes and stepped into the office closing the door behind him..

"I know what you're doing.. I just don't see why you're doing it." Mark retorted..

"Mark." Derek sighed as he looked up at his lifelong best friend and brother with an almost desperate look in his eyes.. "My flight is at 2 o'clock tomorrow, if I'm not back by the next morning I need you to ship these boxes to our old apartment."

"Derek." He said shaking his head "So this is it.. you're just giving up. Its not like you to walk away from a fight."

"There's no fight." He said "She wins."

"I just cant believe that you can have something like you and Meredith had and just walk away from it.. it kind of makes the rest of us lose faith in that kind of thing."

"What would you know about love Mark... its not like you ever felt this way for anyone." Derek retorted..

"Uhh.. yeah." Mark stuttered, "You're right."

"So how is my sister.. I'm guessing she was with you instead of spending time with me.. her brother."

"Hey man I was just doing you a favor. I know how much you hate your women pestering you."

"Maybe.. but it would still have been nice to see her more than 30 minutes.. I don't even know if she made it to the airport ok."

"She did." Mark smiled..

"You look strange." Derek frowned... "What's wrong with you."

"Nothing." Mark said clearing his throat trying to wipe off the goofy grin from his face "Nothing other than seeing my best friend pack up his office readying himself to run away from the love if his life."

"I'm not running." Derek replied bitterly "I just... I cant make her love me. I cant force something like that."

"Then stay a little longer, give yourself a little more time.. maybe this thing just needs a little more time is all Derek.. I mean think about it." Mark pleaded.. Derek looked up at him with remorse thick in his stare and pressed his lips together..

"I don't want to take anymore time away from her Mark." He mumbled out "When you love someone, sometimes you just have to let them go."

"Or sometimes you have to realize how much you care about them and show them that you wont hurt them." Mark mumbles out absentmindedly..

"What are you talking about." Derek frowned looking at Mark like he had grown a second head.. Mark raises his brow and inhales sharply..

"Nothing." He says clearing his throat.. "I have patients.. to see.. and you.. have boxes to pack.. which I personally think is stupid."

"Oh." Derek says raising his brow, "Good thing I value your opinion."

"You do?" Mark asked..

"No." Derek said with a scowl.. "Now either help me or get out of my office." Mark nods and walks to the door but stopped and turned to look at his friend...

"You're a strong man Derek." Mark said "Not everyone can just walk away from the kind of thing you have with Meredith when they find it." Derek doesn't look up he just stares at the box and closes his eyes as he mumbles..

"Then why do I feel so weak."