Whatever It Takes

Chapter 98

Right about now if I'd found the right words to say, I'd tell you you're safe and take hold of your hand, I'll be here by your side for the rest of your life..
--Snow Patrol






Meredith was trying her best to let Derek in, but it was still hard. It was something she really had to work on daily. She was doing her best to get over the things that happened in their past because she loves him, and wants to move forward and they were covering it in therapy, one part at a time which she was thankful for..

But sometimes she just needed a break, she needed to get away.. and go to a place where she didn't have to make an effort. A place that didn't require thinking... She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply the salty air as the wind softly whipped through her hair.

Her arms crossed over each other as she leaned against the railing at the back of the boat. She took in a deep cleansing breath feeling her nose start to go numb from the cold air and the gulls singing as they circled the air above the boat... she smiled feeling completely content and at peace..

"You look like you could use a warm up." She hears behind her.. she pops her eyes open widely and turns around to see him smiling at her holding two cups of coffee...

"Hey." She said giving him an uncertain smile as he handed her one of the coffee's "I didn't know you rode the ferry boat."

"Of course I do." He smiled "I have a thing for ferry boats." She rolled her eyes and giggled slightly as he leaned against the railing next to her and smiled.. "So we seem to be doing better in therapy."

"We do." She said sipping on her coffee "We didn't fight at all last time, something I didn't think would ever happen."

"Yes." He chuckled "We're pretty amazing."

"I suppose we are." She smiled... a small silence fell between them as they looked out at the water...

"So." He said with a nervous sigh "I was thinking we could have sex tonight."

Meredith was mid sip when her eyes widened and she fought to try not to spit out the mouth full of coffee and choke it down instead.

"What?" she choked out...

"It's big." He said understandingly "I know.. its big. It will be the first time, well like the first time. I know we've had sex before but it'll be the first time making love since we got back together, and opened our emotions, and made amends, and the forgiveness and.."

"Post adulterated love making?" she mumbled out..

"Yeah." He said with a slight cringe...

"I thought your hotel was down the street from the hospital." She said slightly trying to changing the subject..

"It is." He said..

"So what are you doing on the ferry boat?" she asked...

"Hoping we could make love tonight." He said with a goofy sheepish grin on his face.. she looked at him reluctantly as a knot grew in her stomach and he tilted his head and smile...

"I don't know Derek." She says softly "I want to move forward, I do.. but this is big. What if its too soon, and how are we supposed do it, just rip off the bandage or something?"

"No anesthesia." He replies.. she looks at him and lets out a small sigh as she stares deeply into his eyes with slight hesitation and mumbles...

"No anesthesia."