Whatever It Takes

Chapter 70

Living like a house on fire, what you fear is your desire.
It's hard to deal, I still love the way you feel.
--Goo Goo Dolls




Derek stood in front of the window of the NICU feeling his heart breaking piece by piece as he watched as Meredith instructed the clueless father of his child's medical condition as well as his likes and dislikes.. showing him the correct way to hold him and what calms his colic's and cries..

It seemed to be almost an hour before Meredith finally tore herself away from the baby boy and reluctantly said her goodbyes... she hoped for the best for him despite her disappointment she knew that this was where he belonged.. she walked slowly out the door shutting it quietly when she looked up and her eyes clashed with a pair of sympathetic blue eyes...

"Why aren't you in surgery or something?" she asked grumpily..

"Because." He smiled "I thought you could use some support."

"I'm fine." She sighed as she walked over to stand next to him looking into the window at the father starting to rock his new son "He's going to be fine, I'll be fine."

"I'm sorry Meredith." He said softly... she pressed her lips together before nodding and plastering a fake half a smile...

"It's for the best." She said "Maybe this all happened for a reason."

"What do you mean?" he asked... she gulped unable to look at him as she slouched her shoulders...

"With everything that's happened.. and my own examples to go off of.. really... I wouldn't have made a good mother."

Derek felt a weight in his chest plummet into his stomach when she said this feeling his breath steal away from him.. she turned quickly and walked off down the hallway disappearing into an on call room...

He couldn't believe she would think that, and he knew he couldn't let her believe it... knowing well that she probably wanted to be alone at the moment he wasn't going to let her think that... he walked down the hallway and opened the door to the on call room finding her to be the only one in there sitting on the bed..

She didn't move when he entered just closed her eyes and let out an annoyed huff at his intrusion on her quiet time.. he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it next to her letting out a sigh before looking over at her... she felt his presence and his warm breath wash over her skin giving her goosebumps... she looked up into his oceanic eyes and gulped..

"You would have made and excellent mother." He said in a low voice trying his hardest to mask his own emotion "Life is cruel, and so far its robbed you of that ability... and it breaks my heart to see such a natural ability like you have go unused.. the example you had was terrible, but you are nothing like your mother.. you're a natural... and you would have made an excellent mother."

"You think so?" she asked softly as tears misted her eyes and she felt herself drawn from his eyes into his soul...

"I know so." He said just above a whisper...

Staring into her broken green eyes feeling her breath lap across his skin sending small sparks down his spine.. he looked past her glossed emotion and into her soul and saw the woman he loved..

He felt himself being pulled towards her as his eyes lowered slightly glancing at her lips tempting him to come in before raising them to her eyes only to see that her eyes were doing the same...

"Derek." She whispered out in one last desperate attempt to stop the action...

His mind battled against his common sense and his body willed him to go through with it, trying to find some kind of reason to keep him there, his brain telling him to run...

"We didn't." he whispered huskily against her lips as their faces were frozen inches apart "We didn't have our break up kiss."

"Our what?" she whispered back unable to removed herself from his stare...

"Our break up kiss... our last kiss... like when someone stops an addiction, like smoking... they have one last cigarette.. and enjoy the last.. little... bit.. knowing it'll be the last time."

"Oh." She gulped... "Break up kiss."

"Break up kiss." He whispered back as his lips leaned in until they brushed up against hers...

He felt her gasp at the touch as his lips attached to hers taking them in to the shape they fit perfectly in his... his tongue lapped across her upper lip as hers opened to take in his lower one allowing entrance of his tongue and he took it... plunging it onto her mouth meeting his long lost mate as he swirled it around her mouth with hers...

He felt himself getting lost in her and moaned along with her at the taste of each other... The lost of oxygen caused them to break the kiss... they stayed only inches apart looking into each other's eyes with heated lust, hot breaths panting against each other's swollen lips..

"I think." She panted out "I think we should.. um.. maybe try that again."

"Yeah." He panted back "Yeah just to make sure."

His hands immediately moved into her hair pulling her pony tail out as his fingers weaved through the silky strands of gold... she moaned as her hands moved around his strong broad shoulders and all sense of thought was lost... she felt his body gently push her back against the bed moving his body against hers feeling his scrub pants start to tighten as the lump inside of them grew against her...

She moaned as she moved her legs around his body feeling his excitement.. her hands weaved roughly through his thick hair and yanked on it tightly causing an aroused groan to seep into her mouth form his.. she felt her inner core begging her to plead his demand and panted out in a whimpered moan... and moved her hands down his back grabbing at the hem of his shirt and yanked it up...

"Break up sex."

"Break up sex." He moaned as he smiled into her lips... letting her rip his shirt from his body...

They quickly and frantically undressed as their lips hardly left each other's bodies.. feeling shivers to feel each other's bare skin pressing against each other after so long but still feeling so natural.. his lips nipped hungrily at her skin as they moved down her body.. his hand cupped her full breast and he heard a gasp as his lips brushed against her hard nipple..

Her chest arched at him and he complied lowering his lips over it taking it in his mouth and sucking aggressively.. she moaned with delight feeling his tongue lap over her skin elicting pleasures forgotten about and creating new ones...

Her hips bucked up towards his hard waiting cock and he could feel the heat radiating from her wet core against his sensitive skin... he felt himself start to pulsate as his desire to be inside of her became unbearable.. he grabbed firmly at her thighs pulling them into him and in one swift movement buried himself inside of her elicting a loud gasp from both of them and trembles to erupt both their bodies...

Their eyes clashed again keeping each other's soul locked together as they moved together in perfect harmony, perfect fit, until their sweaty glowing bodies shook with pleasure... they fell against each other laying in the bed side by side unable to find words other than a heavy pant... their fuzzy minds were unable to communicate on any level and a smile fighting at both their lips...

The only thought on Meredith's mind was amazing... it had been way too long since she'd had that kind of an orgasm and she couldn't believe it was her last... wait.. her last.. her mind started to frantically clear as the reality of what just happened kicked in and her eyes widened as she sat up... he looked over at her still out of breath and watched as she pulled her shirt over her naked body...

"Meredith." He said in a husky hoarse voice...

"You need to get dressed." She stated without looking back at him reaching for her panties and slipping them on...

"Mer." He said rolling on his side and looking at her "Should we.. should we talk about this."

She stopped mid step into her pants and looked at him halfway narrowing her eyes...

"There's nothing to talk about." She mumbled "It was just break up sex... it's not happening again so you should get dressed... we're not talking about this.. not ever... especially not to any one."

He sighed and stood up pulling his pants on trying to hide the pout on his face and fighting his desire to pull her back into the bed and redo the break up sex.. but a part of him knew it would end eventually... they finished getting dressed and she turned to him...

"Do I have sex hair?" she asked trying to act as if it were nothing, trying to smooth out her knotted strands.. he looked at her and smirked with a disappointed look in his eyes...

"Yes but no one will believe its what it is."

"Good point." She retorted as she walked at the door... she opened it and stopped mid step in the doorway turned back to him to see him looking sadly at the floor, feeling her heart wrench... "Derek."

"Yeah." He replied looking up at her with hope in his eyes...

She opened her mouth with a thousand things to say on her tongue but none of them wanting to jump off... she didn't want to say anything that would disappoint him or string him along.. she didn't even want to think about Finn at that moment.. she smirked and let out a giggle as she mumbled...

"You have sex hair too."