Lynx Book 2: A Callie Torres Story

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Jada sat snugly beside Callie with her head on her wife's shoulder. And for the first time today, Jada was feeling emotionally okay. Her body was still very achy and sore from the miscarriage, but she was okay, and she was cuddled up with her two favorite girls.

"I just... I don't know Callie," Jada stammered. "I can't stop feeling like I let you down."

Callie turned around from the kitchen counter and made her way back through the kitchen and to the couch in the living room beside her wife.

"This wasn't your fault-"

"I failed you Callie! And you're stuck here with me when you could be with someone who could give you kids."

"That's not true at-"

"I know it's not! But I can't help myself from feeling like this. I know how badly you wanted a child of our own. I don't know if I can go through this again, and I just feel like I failed you," Jada rambled.

"Jaelynn, I need you," Callie began, taking a moment to make eye contact with her wife. "I am so deeply in love with you. I never thought it was real-the way my heart flutters when I kiss you, the way I immediately feel better when I'm with you. I thought that was all made up until I met you, and every day I fall more and more in love with you."

"I can't live without you," Callie continued. "I need you, and we were very lucky to find Sofia. I need you and I need Sofia. And yeah, I wanted a child of our own, but if that isn't meant to be for us, then I'm okay with it. Because I have you and I have Sofia."

"Please just let me love you fully for who you are. I need you to trust me. You say you're damaged or broken or baggage carrying. There is no one that is perfect Jada."

Callie took a deep breath. "You hold me to standards that even I don't hold myself to. So please trust me, please let me love you for yourself. I'm not going anywhere and no matter what happens, I am not leaving your side."

"Callie, I-"

But Callie wasn't finished yet. "And please don't think you're not worthy of me. You are amazing, and we're going to help you see that for yourself. I promised my lifetime to you. I don't know how else to show you that I'm all in, and I'm here to stay. So please trust me Jaelynn. Let that last little bit of your guard down. Because you're safe with me. You've had some dumb and inattentive 'lovers' in the past and you know I'm not one of them."

"You have let me so intimately into your life. You trust me with your body. You trust me with your love. You even trust me with your life. Let me all the way in Jaelynn."

"Because you deserve the world and I am going to spend the rest of my life giving you everything."

•••

Callie had Jada sobbing after. And she had finally done it, Jada let Callie all the way in. Jada was aware and appreciated the love and support that came from her wife. But there was always a part of her that thought Callie deserved someone better. Jada wanted to be perfect for Callie. And she wasn't. Nobody was perfect.

Jada had finally accepted she was perfection in Callie's eyes.

She had done it without even verbalizing it. Her and Callie shared such a strong connection, that Jada simply felt Callie understand. She had let Callie in both with words and with feelings.

Callie had learned that deep down inside her wife, the depression and anxiety along with undiagnosed bipolarity, plagued Jada into believing she wasn't good enough for Callie. And she had opened herself up and allowed herself to fully trust Callie.

Jada could sense that Callie was not at all very upset about what happened today. Sure they were both disappointed, but there was nothing inside of Callie that resented Jada for losing their son.

It had to be the most non sexual intimacy she ever shared with Callie. Because Callie knew. Callie knew all of her darkest fears and insecurities. And she had simply helped Jada into one of her sweatshirts, slid under the blanket, and gently laid above her in the protective embrace that helped Jada out of her nightmares.

After a few minutes, Jada had dozed off to sleep and woken up an hour later with Callie still in the same position as before. Callie was awake and she had been the entire time Jada was sleeping, but she refused to move.

Jada currently sat beside her wife, her daughter snuggled happily in Callie's lap, and some of her best friends Arizona and Kate on the couch across the room as they watched a funny children's movie with Sofia.

It was times like these when Jada didn't like to share her wife. Not even with her daughter. Sofia looked so comfy and cozy in Callie's lap and Jada secretly wished it was her too.

Callie looked over at that moment and caught Jada in her daydream. "Come here babe."

Stretching out on the chair, Callie helped Jada climb over her leg and into her lap as well. And by helping, Callie did most of the work. She wrapped an arm around Jada's waist and lifted her up into her lap. Jada and Sofia were now squished together on Callie's lap on the rocking chair in the living room.

There was no other place Jada would want to be than wrapped up safely in her wife's arms beside their daughter. Sofia was very focused on the movie and occasionally giggled with her two favorite aunts on the other couch. Meanwhile, Callie placed soft kisses on Jada's cheeks, the backs of her shoulders, and gently rubbed her free hand up and down Jada's lower thigh.

Jada felt like she was going to fall asleep in Callie's embrace. "Go ahead babe," Jada heard Callie whisper into her hear. "I'll get you upstairs later."

"Thank you baby. For everything."

Callie slightly shook her head. "No, thank you for being my world. I love you Jaelynn Torres and it makes me so ecstatic to call you my wife every day."

"I love you too Calliope. More than you will ever know."