Fire On Fire

Chapter 43 - Hindsight 20/20

I watch Ella walk out the door, and then i turn around slowly to look at Aaron. He has a disapproving look on his face and i frown already knowing what he is about to say.

"I know..I know" i say in advance, before he scolds me.

I know i kind of acted poorly towards Ella, and i can see that i hurt her feelings.

I rub my forehead and frown, as i feel frustrated with myself.

She is the last person i ever want to hurt, but it looks like i did just that with my indifference.

Great, that's one more thing to eat at my conscious today.

Just great!

I grab my water bottle and towel, and walk out of the room without exchanging another word with Aaron.

I had the worst night of my life last night.

After a late night, working with Aaron, I woke up twice in the middle of the night from nightmares.

The first time i woke up, i had just dreamt that i was driving really fast on some random highway, and a train showed up from nowhere, on the highway, and suddenly the car stopped and everything in the car just stopped working, the brakes, the steering wheel, the windows couldn't open etc, and i was just stuck there stationary, and watched helplessly as the train approached me at full speed. And just as it made contact with the car, i woke up, startled and sweating like i just escaped from the pit of hell.

I struggled to fall sleep again after that...picturing the impact every time i closed my eyes....but eventually i did fell asleep...and had another dream, only this time, i was driving on the race track, and then suddenly froze just as i was about to cross the finish line and win, until all the cars raced passed me, leaving me behind, inches from the finish line.

Then when i tried to get out of the car, everything was stuck, the doors couldn't open and the car couldn't move anymore, and i started to feel like i was suffocating, as the car started shrinking, getting smaller and smaller, and starting to squeeze me. I woke up just as i was about to be squeezed to death.

I didn't dare to try to go back to sleep after that, which was maybe somewhere passed 4am, and so, i have been up since then and just stayed awake in bed.

I came to the Gym after 5am, and Aaron found me some time later.

So i guess you could say right now, i feel sort of distorted and restless, and not just from the lack of enough sleep and rest, but due to worry aswell, because the last thing i need is for these nightmares to be a recurring thing, which will be really be fucked up, because that was uncomfortable as hell.

I'm tired too, physically, and would probably benefit from a day of resting, but i don't want to go to sleep, and i also have full day ahead of me and things to do that i can't put off, so i guess i just have to suck it up and get on with it.

I contemplate going to Lola's room to get Ella, but decide against it, i will probably be quicker if i just get ready by myself.

Besides, haven't you put her through enough already?

I frown, at the thought. Yes i have, and i know i have to do better.

*

When i'm done and ready, i walk to Lola's room, and find the door open. I knock and walk in, only to find it empty.

I go downstairs, and find the two of them on the Verandah, having breakfast. I stand infront of them, on the other side of the table.

"Hai" i say, looking at Ella.