Fire On Fire

Chapter 20 - Bad At Love

I walk out of Marco's office, and go towards the elevators, feeling an overwhelming heat building up in my chest, along with a sense of confusion.

It's only this afternoon that we saw each other, and even though we didn't get any alone time, it seemed like everything was ok between us.

Infact, i came up here thinking he saw my note on the coffee cup earlier, and maybe he wanted us to leave the office together or something.

Now i'm just plain confused.

I reach my floor and quickly walk out, then slowly walk to my desk.

It's 5pm now, and i can hear people talking around me as they now freely engage in some office chatter, and say their goodbyes to each other for the day. But i sit down on my desk almost as if i'm in a trance.

"Hey??" I have been talking to you for a minute, where is your head at?" Leo asks, leaning against my cubical and facing me.

"Sorry...What?" i ask, looking up.

"Where did you go, was looking for ya" he murmurs.

"I aaahh....bathroom" i mumble.

"Are you okay? Your face looks flushed and all red,  are you feeling ok? is it about this afternoon" he asks, and i nod, not having the energy to correct him, or specify which among the options he has laid out is correct. 

He goes on to say some more things, but i'm far to distracted to pay attention. 

Fortunately, someone calls for him, and he leaves my desk.

Before long, most of the people in the office disappear, leaving just a few of us behind.

I don't understand what just happened with Marco. 

I try to go over everything i have done since i left his house yesterday morning, and try to pin point what it is i did that really pissed him off.

Is it that i didn't pick up his calls yesterday? 

Is it because of the tests, and that i was wrong?

Did i leave too soon after the tests were done, the people i came with were leaving, so I didn't really have much of a choice but to leave too.

Or did i do something, or say something that upset him that i'm not aware of?

I mean, i had not spoken to him since yesterday, should i have called?  I wanted too, i just couldn't get around to it? Is that what he meant when he said that i acted like he didn't exist?

I sigh.

I start looking so intently at the file on my desk, that my vision starts to blur on the white paper.

I look up swiftly, feeling my irises hurt, from looking at one thing for too long.

I look around, and notice one of the ladies from this department who stayed back to do some work looking at me, obviously finding my actions bizarre.

So i decide to pack my things and go home, and avoid looking like a crazy woman.

*

I don't like to fuss or bring unnecessary attention to myself, so despite the fact that i just want to be alone tonight, i go to the dinner table as usual, and try to act the way i normally do.

However, immediately after dinner, i excuse myself, feigning tiredness due to today's 'field work', i let everyone know i will go to bed early to get some much needed rest.

However, hoping to fall asleep immediately is wishful thinking....my mind chooses to go over every memory i have created with Marco, from the moment we met, till this afternoon and then i start beating myself up for thinking, hoping that this would be different.