Fire On Fire

Chapter 31 - Diamond Heart

Hello, sweet grief

I know you'll be the death of me
I Feel like the morning after ecstasy
I am drowning in an endless sea

Hello, old friend
Here's the misery that knows no end
So I'm doing everything I can to make sure I never love again

I wish that I did not know where all broken lovers go
I wish that my heart was made of stone
If I was bulletproof, I'd love you black and blue
If I was solid like a jewel

If I had a diamond heart, I'd give you all my love,
You could shoot me with a gun of gold if I was unbreakable

I'd walk straight through the bullet,
Bendin' like a tulip, blue-eyed and foolish, never mind the bruises,
Into the fire, breakin' through the wires, and give you all I've got

I'd walk straight through the dagger,
Never break the pattern, Diamonds don't shatter, beautiful and battered, Into the poison, cry you an ocean and give you all I've got

If I had a diamond heart

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After finally getting home, i spend the night waiting for Ella to call me, to tell what what was going on at the hospital right now, if she was alright, whether she has finally gone home, or maybe how Riley is doing now, anything...but she doesn't

And every minute i spend waiting for her call, is another minute my regrets about leaving her alone increases, especially with what i did to Sebastian, i fear he might take it out on her somehow, and hurt her, and i wouldn't be there to protect her.

And it's only making me feel more and more restless.

*

Morning comes, but still no word from her, and so now i'm just plain worried.

I call her, but her phone goes unanswered, so i call someone to get me the phone numbers of the people close to her that i call call to check up on her, and then call Carmen twenty minutes later, when those numbers are availed to me.

Carmen has not spoken to her since last night too, but promises to call me back as soon as she gets ahold of her.

I notice that it's still quite early in the morning, so maybe she is still just sleeping, and i should just give her sometime.

Having had alot of time to think over what happened at the hospital last night, i do regret regret one thing, my argument with Ella after i hit Sebastian.

I probably should have handled that differently, and been more understanding towards her and how hard something like was to admit, and not made it seem like she was at fault and i was yelling at her.

I run my fingers through my hair in frustration with my self.

My family always tell me that i'm my own worst enemy.

That my impetuousness, brings me more trouble than it's worth, and true enough, i keep exhibiting that same behavior with Ella, and last night, i did it again, not to say that i regret hitting Sebastian, but perhaps that wasn't the best time to address that situation, especially with her brother sick in hospital, and the rest of her family watching on.