Some Things Never Change

I wish she was mine

The sound of the frontdoor shutting behind him woke her up.

She looked at the clock. It was 8 am and he had finally come home.

She heard his steps in the hallway and waited impatiently, her heart pounding fast, her breathing restless. She couldn't move, she couldn't call his name, she could only wait for him to find her. To see how he was, what he was going to do now.. And what he was going to tell her.

Finally, he stepped into the living-room. He looked awful. Dark circles under his eyes, he hadn't shave, his hair messy and his clothes wrinkled.

She lifted up her head and as their eyes met, both of them seeing the pain and sadness in each others eyes, they started to cry.

He took those last few steps that parted them from each other and took her in his arms. Tears were running down their faces. Tears of love, confusion, sadness, pain and regret. It was all out there.

“You're back..”, she sobbed desperately.

“Of course..”, he answered and tightened his grip around her waist.

“I thought you'd left me...”, she was crying madly and couldn't stop it.

“Never, Steph. Never!”, he promised and kissed her forehead.

“I'm so sorry, Linds. So so sorry. I had no idea. I swear!”

“Really? You really had no idea, Steph? Cause honestly, I need to know the truth!”, he explained with a shaky voice, tears didn't stop running down his cheeks. She had never seen him in such a fragile state of mind.

“I swear, Lindsey. I didn't know.”

He looked into her eyes. Those big, brown, chocolate eyes he loved to get lost in and he saw that she was telling him the truth. She didn't lie.

His thumb brushed softly over her lips.

“I need you.”, he whispered. She nodded in response and kissed him softly.

“I'm here.”

And then he let it go, he let it all out and fell apart in her arms. And she held him. She had no idea how long they stayed like this. Her sitting on the couch, lovingly stroking his head that he had buried in her lap, and him crying and desperately holding on to her, not loosening his grip around her legs once.

“Lindsey..”, she said finally, breaking the silence.

“Yeah..”

“What are we going to do, now?”

He lifted up his head and looked at her.

“Steph, please don't get me wrong.. But I need to know for sure.. I need to know if I'm really her father or..”

“..or if it's someone else.”, she ended his sentence and nodded, feeling slightly offended.

“I don't wanna hurt you or say that you slept around, it's just..”

“I get it, Lindsey. It's okay. I couldn't remember having sex with you. It could be very possible that I slept with other men I don't know about..”

Her talking about having sex with other men hurt him. But she was right. It could be possible.

“So, you want a paternity test..”

“Yeah, Steph. I need one..”

She nodded.

“We have to get one before we tell Sara..”, she said firmly.

“What if I'm not her father?”

The answer to this question had been haunting her since she found out that Henry wasn't Sara's birth parent. What if there was someone else involved in this? What if he was still alive and Sara wanted to find him? What would that mean to their little family? Would it all fall apart?

“I don't even want to think about this possibility, Lindsey.”, she answered finally, her voice slightly trembling.

“So, you want me to be her father?”

“Lindsey, of course I do! I've always wanted to have children with you! But.. but this is not the way I wanted this to turn out! I wanted to raise them with you together. And now.. now it's all too late and we missed all those years together. And I'm sure she's yours. And this is killing me!”, she was yelling at him.

“Steph, don't freak out now. That won't help anyone.”

“I just can't believe this whole thing! It's too much! This is...”, she broke up, searching desperately for the right words to express what she was feeling.

“I know..”, he said quietly and took her in his arms, “but we can't do anything about it, Steph. We can only call a clinic and do this test. And then we'll wait..”

“How can you suddenly be so rational about this?!”, she cried.

“I wish she was mine.”, he said finally and kissed her.