39| Clarify Your Feelings
LOGAN was inconveniently out of town for a physics conference on the weekend of Hunter's birthday. She was turning 5, which was a huge milestone in my book. I'd already been sending packages to their apartment over the past week, counting down until Hunter's actual birthday, today, which was Saturday. I'd sent her favorite chocolate milks, a new volleyball for her to practice with, some new shoelaces for her volleyball shoes (just shoelaces because Hunter was always talking about getting lime green ones), a couple other volleyball-related things, and an easel so she could do some watercolor paintings (because I knew she was in her artistic phase, and I secretly wanted her to paint me something to hang on my wall). Today, I was going to give her the final present, which included a whole set of watercolor paints and paint brushes, plus I was going to be attending her party.
Of course, I'd pretty much helped out with Hunter's birthday party every year, because it was my job to plan events, and since Noah and Logan were my friends, I'd gladly do it for free. Except because Logan was out of town, and she was the one who always got me on board and gave me the details, Noah had completely forgotten. Not about Hunter or her birthday, but about sending me the details. Aka when to show up, what to bring, what he needed my help with, etc. Actually, I think Noah completely blanked on the party as a whole because he called me twenty minutes ago speaking frantically saying:
"Porkchop, there are 7 young girls in my apartment right now, and there's no food, no cake, and nothing but the minimal decorations Logan left me in the closet. Help! Please!"
So, obviously, I was on my way to rescue that whole situation. Good thing I was already dressed and had no plans (because Cayden was working, Jeremy was having another bonding night with Rose, and Tyler had a late night practice and team dinner), so I made it to Noah's apartment in less than 15 minutes.
When I knocked on the door, I could already hear the commotion of a bunch of young girls screaming and running around. It made me smile. They were probably having a blast. Kids didn't necessarily need fancy decorations or a put-together party with an itinerary; they were just happy enough to hang out together and run around and have fun. It's what kids are good at. Their imaginations do it all for them.
Still, I had some extra small decorations in my bag, along with my last-minute food and dessert prep. I had told Noah to mix up the box cake mix I knew Logan had bought earlier in the week, before she left, when we'd gone grocery shopping together. Hunter's favorite cake was strawberries and cream, so Noah had thrown it together and put it in the oven. If I was lucky, it was already chilling in the freezer so I could decorate it.
The front door swung open, and Noah looked just so flustered. It looked like everything had been wreaking havoc on him.
"I," he said, dramatically, "am dying. And I have never ever been so happy to see my favorite, absolute favorite, person in the entire world, Mr. Clayton Greenwood!"
He motioned me in, so I stepped inside and headed straight for the kitchen. I passed by the living room on the way, which is where Hunter and all her friends were currently watching a Barbie movie and acting out the scenes.
"Which one's that?" I asked.
"Oh. Barbie Island Princess," Noah said. "Amelia brought it over."
"Amelia is here?!"
I grinned when we got to the kitchen and saw Amelia sitting at the counter. She was licking leftover cake batter off a plastic spatula. Her eyes widened when she saw me, and she flung the spatula into the sink, sprang up from her seat, and hugged me. I couldn't really hug her with my bags in my hands, but I was definitely hugging her back in my heart, and I think she knew that.
"PORKCHOP!" she yelled, then pulled away. "I didn't know you were coming, or I would have brought my biggest blanket, and we could have built a fort and had a Twilight marathon once Hunter went to bed!"
I laughed. I couldn't help it. Amelia's energy was always the best. She was older now, almost old enough to be in middle school, which was crazy to me. I hardly got to see her besides when she would make the occasional visit, mostly when she could get a ride up here, or when Noah's parents were in town and could bring her with. Except that wasn't too often, since Noah's parents were still super busy. Amelia most often had to be picked up by Noah himself, taking the drive down to Colombia to grab her.
It didn't matter, really. I was just so happy to see her.
"That would have been amazing," I gushed. I still loved forts. Maybe it was silly, but they're so fun.
"Okay, okay, I get it, you love each other and shit, but I need some serious help," Noah said, pushing me into the kitchen. I set my bags down and started unpacking.
"Stop being a pushover," Amelia joked, sticking her tongue out at Noah.
God, I loved siblings. I really always wished I had a sibling growing up. I always wanted a younger one, like Amelia and Noah, because they have such a great bond being so far apart in age, and I just think what they have is beautiful. It would have been nice having something like that.
"I stopped by the store super fast and grabbed the emergency food items. Chips and snacks and goodies. Oh! And I got a chicken nugget platter from Chick Fil A with a bunch of sauces because I figured that would be an easy option," I said.
"Isn't Chick Fil A bad for you?" Amelia asked. "Because you're gay. Right?"
"Amelia," Noah warned. "First, Clay is bisexual, which means he's attracted to both genders. Second, we don't need to go around commenting on people's sexualities unless they are okay with it."
Amelia looked to me. "Sorry. Noah likes to scold me like he's my dad now because he's old and has kids."
I smiled. "It's fine. I don't mind talking about it. And I guess Chick Fil A has a bad rep, but at least their nuggets are pretty heavenly."
Amelia shrugged. "That's facts. I respect you. Can I lick the rest of the mixing bowl?"
Noah handed her the mixing bowl, covered in pink batter. "Knock yourself out, Mellie."
"Stop," she groaned. "Or I will actually end your life with that rubber spatula."
I laughed, and Amelia started telling me about her 6th grade class. She was telling me about how she kept pranking this one boy in her class, Rolf, by loosening the screws in his chair when he wasn't looking, so that when he got back in it, it would be all wobbly. I don't know how she thought of that, or how she knew to do it, but I praised her for it. She was smart. Following in Noah's footsteps, for sure.
Noah helped me put the chips and other snacks into bowls, and we carried them and the Chick Fil A platter out to the girls in the living room. Hunter hugged me really tight, which warmed my heart a lot, and I brought her another one of her favorite chocolate milks. I'd wait for her friends to go home before giving her the rest of her present. Mostly because I wanted her to open them up and get really excited, and I didn't want to miss a second of it.
Back in the kitchen, Noah took the cake out of the freezer where it had been chilling, so that I could decorate it. Amelia offered to help me, so I got the crumb coat on initially, then mixed in some red food coloring to the vanilla ice cream so that it looked very light pink, and Amelia helped me put it all over the cake. I made sure it was all smooth before we decorated, just keeping it simple. I decided to drip some chocolate over top and then add a few strawberries on one side. Simple and cute. I knew Hunter would love it.
Noah patted me on the shoulder, and he kept telling me how thankful he was that I came to help him out. I was just really glad I got to come to the party at all, and be of help. No complaints.
And to add to the pros of the situation, I got to sing along to Barbie Island Princess. What more could I have wanted?
✿✿✿
Things calmed down after a while. I set up Hunter and her friends with Just Dance after they had some cake, and Amelia decided to FaceTime Logan while she had some time. So Noah and I sat down in the kitchen with a glass of wine, which I was actually really glad for, and I was happy. Mostly because I liked getting to talk to Noah. We always had great conversations. Probably because Noah was really put-together, and he was great at conversations.
Noah cut us 2 slices of cake, and so we had that with our wine.
"Oh my god, this cake is bomb. The frosting is heavenly," Noah said.
I shrugged. "I always make a bunch of frosting when I bake, so I just had some leftover."
"Now is not the time for modesty. You must know how amazing this frosting is," Noah said, shoveling cake into his mouth.
I did know that it was good frosting. And I appreciated the compliments, but I just couldn't compliment myself like that. I don't know, it felt weird. It felt borderline narcissistic. That's a word Noah told me about a while ago. It's a psychology thing.
"Hey, so you and Tyler have been dating for a couple of weeks now," Noah said. "That's a big deal."
I nodded. It was crazy that it had been almost two weeks. We'd spent Halloween together, too, which was great. I never did much for Halloween, but Tyler was great with Hunter, and so we ended up taking her Trick-or-Treating for a few hours, then we hung out at my place and watched some Halloween-themed movies. I got him to watch Hocus Pocus, and he tricked me into watching The Shining, which scared me so bad.
But I mean, I was really happy. Tyler seemed really happy, too. We were having a good time, and I just couldn't believe it still. I guess a part of myself was just still trying to believe that Tyler and I were legitimately together.
"It is a big deal. I'm ... really happy about it," I said.
"And by 'really happy', you mean...?"
"I mean, I really like him, and I can't stop smiling about everything, and my heart is very full," I said.
"Do we need to clarify your feelings?"
This is something Noah asked me ocasionally, to gauge how I felt about someone. He usually asked it because he already knew how I was feeling, he could just tell, but he wanted me to be the one to admit it. He was good at that type of thing. That was the psychology Professor and expert in him.
"I am..." I paused, just searching for the right words. Sometimes, the emotions I felt could be a little overwhelming, and finding the most fitting words to describe it was difficult. So I just said what I could say. "I'm pretty one-hundred-percent sure that I'm already falling for him. Or that I'm like ... really close to just loving him. A lot. But I don't know where Tyler is. And I can't tell him because I don't want to scare him off, and he's just so good, and so wonderful, and it's like the thought of scaring him off just ends up scaring me even more. Plus, we've only been actually dating for 2 weeks, and even though we've been talking and hanging out and stuff way longer than that, it wasn't a real thing until just recently."
Noah nodded for a minute, and he finished his cake before he responded. "I know you tend to move fast in these things. Your emotions move faster, and your heart grows with more love than most. It's a good thing, it is. Because your heart is so pure and true because of it. It's just that some peple don't have that quality, and it takes them a bit longer to nurse that love they may be creating for you."
Noah was wise. Always so wise. I never felt weird talking to him about this stuff, I always felt so comfortable. He had a calming, trusting quality about him in high school that only grew as he got older and we still were friends.
"You should invite him to our Thanksgiving. Cayden and Jeremy have already RSVPed, and Amelia will be here, too, since our parents are still out of town. We'll have a seperate kids table and everything," Noah said. "You're not ... not going to your parents' are you?"
I raised my eyebrows. I never really talked about my parents. No one ever asked me about them. I figured it was because they just never really thought about it.
I shook my head. "No, my parents moved to Maine."
Noah nodded. "Right, yeah, I forgot they told you that."
"Well, of course they told me that. They're my parents, they should tell me when they move to a different state," I said. And Noah just nodded, closed mouth, like he was thinking, but he wasn't going to say what he was thinking.
"Well, right. Anyway, I just thought I'd check," Noah said, shrugging. Then, he dug his fork straight into the side of the cake, stuffing his mouth. "Bring Tyler to Thanksgiving. I know how much you love my sweet potato casserole."
I grinned, and my mouth was practically watering. I decided to dig into the cake just like Noah had. "I do love your sweet potato casserole. Do you think Tyler will want to come?"
"Come on, PC, he's your boyfriend. And there's no way he's got other plans. And if he has, I bet you he'd rather spend it with you, anyway. Just tell him he's welcome. And if he's feeling it, he can make the pumpkin pie," Noah said.
I thought about it. First, it made me laugh because I knew that Tyler would be so uncomfortable making the pumpkin pie, because I was sure he'd never made a pie in his life. And then, I was thinking about spending Thanksgiving with my closest friends and Tyler. I'd spent Thanksgiving with my friends pretty much since I stopped living at home, which is why I guess I was kind of weirded out that Noah asked about my parents in the first place. But hey, he was just curious.
And he was right, that Tyler would probably want to come, and he probably didn't have plans. So I thought that it sounded like a good idea to invite him. I wanted him there. It would be fun, and I think maybe, just maybe, I could convince him to make the pumpkin pie.
✿✿✿
This is why we will always stan Noah Locke. A smart son of a bitch. An enlightening man. A beautiful, lovely, supportive, smart man. God. Where can I get one of my own?
HEHEH THANKSGIVING CHAPTER SOON!!! Guys time really flies in these books for me, not gonna lie. Also, happy early new year! I'm manifesting an amazing year for myself and all y'all. Just you wait and see!
ILY ALL. I will see you on FRIDAY!!! Also. Follow my IG @ brynnwrites because. Yeah.
TIME TO DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE YALL.