Off POV
I stared at the calling card for a minutes. I'm still doubting if I will call him or not. I didn't see him 3 days since we talked to the parking lot.
"Should I call him now?" Off mumbled to himself. "What if he is not available?"
'Fuck you! Just call him!' my sub conscious scolded me.
"okay! Okay! Relax. I'll do it" I'm talking to myself now. This is not good.
I dialled Gun's number. After a 2 rings he pick it up. I was nervous. I can't form a word. I stay silent for a while.
"Hello?" Gun said in other line.
I just listened to him. I don't know what to say!
"Hey! If you don't want to talk I'll end this call. You're just wasting my time!" Gun exclaimed angrily.
"Gun don't. This is me, Off" I immediately said before Gun would end the call.
"Off? Why did you call?" he is not angry anymore. He's voice softened.
"I just to talk to you personally if is that okay for you?"
"sure. Just send me the location and time"
"Thank you ba— Gun." I almost slip damn it! My mouth had his own life.
"Hmm. I'll end this for now. I'm kinda busy"
"Yea, I'm sorry. I disturbed you"
"Nah, it's okay. Bye"
"By—"
*tot tot tot*
Before I could say bye, Gun suddenly end call. I just shrugged it off. It is not important anyways.
I just send the location and the time. I set the location at a private restaurant, 6 in the evening.
'Hopefully we could talk peaceful and I can finally get the answers that I want to hear from him so I can totally move on'
Gun POV
"New! I'm so glad you didn't lost hahaha" I said to my friend. He has newly arrived in Bangkok.
"Damn you! I drove almost an hour just to find your apartment here! Why did you not just fetch me in the airport?!" New throw his body on my couch.
"You know I can't leave Jane alone, right?" I went to the kitchen to get water for New.
Our apartment is not that big so he still can hear me.
"Talking to the queen, where is she?" New followed me on the kitchen. He sat on the table island.
"She's sleeping. Don't bother her, she need to rest" I said while I handing him the glass of water.
"Sure" New drank the water I gave.
"Can I have a favor? Can you look over at her later? I have appointment to attend"
"Where?" New asked curiously.
"Somewhere" I ignored his question. "I need to prepare now. Feel free to eat anything there"
I went to my room and took a shower. I didn't know why Off want to talk to me all of the sudden. I still feel awkwardness whenever I talk nor face him. I feel my tongue get tied and my words get trapped when he is around. I just act cold in front of him but honestly I'm dying to get out of the scene.
It's already 5:30 pm when I finished preparing. I read Off message again. He said he want me to see me 6 pm so I have 30 minutes to travel. Time is gold so we should not waste it.
'Just say that you are excited to see him again' my sub conscious said.
"Damn you! I'm not" I replied to my sub conscious. "Okay, I'll just wait here until 5:45 then I will drive off" I said. I'm inside of my car now waiting for exact 5:45 so I can go on.
I will prove to my sub conscious that I'm not excited seeing Off! I won't gonna lose.
'Okay I look idiot now' I thought.
After I minutes later I decided to go in the location where Off want to meet up. When I got in the restaurant I stayed inside of my car for a moment when I notice I still have 3 minutes left. I don't want Off think that I'm too early to meet him up. He may thought I want to see him purposely.
'Why? You don't really want to see him?' I could felt my fucking sub conscious smirking arghhh!
"I hate you!!" I yelled inside my car. I deeply sighed then I fixed my clothes.
I hopped outside of the car and when straight inside the restaurant.
"Excuse me Miss. Do Mr. Adulkittiporn have reservation here?" I asked girl in receptionist area.
"Yes sir. Mr. Off is waiting you inside." the girl said then she called her co-worker "Kim, please accompany Mr. Gun to 4074 VVIP room" the girl nodded to the receptionist.
"This way sir" I nodded. Then I followed Kim from behind.
The restaurant is so private and formal. It's perfect for business meetings or whatsoever. It also beautiful and peacefully.
"Sir, that is the room of sir Off. Just go inside" she wai'ed then she left me.
I sighed. I could feel my heart drumming inside my ribcage. I can back off?
*Knock knock*
I signal as I open the door. Off immediately stood while looking at me. I looked at him coldly.
"Hi Gun. Have a seat" He smiled.
I gave him a simple nod. "Hopefully you didn't wait so long"
"No. I arrived not longer" I sat in opposite, facing him.
"Good" I answered shortly. He doesn't say anything again. We were in awkward silent again damn it!
(>_<)
"By the way I already order our dinner. Just tell me if you want add anything" Off break the deafening silence.
"Nah, I'm good" I said nonchalantly.
No one speak again. I really don't want like this. I thought he want something to say?
We were in silent until Off orders has arrived.
'Wow these all look delicious' I thought while glancing the foods.
"Just press the button if you need anything sir. Thank you" The waiter excuse himself.
After I awkward silent I decided to ask him. "What do you want to talk about?" I said straightly.
"Can we just eat first?" Off asked softly.
"Okay"
After a minutes we finally finished eating without a word. I just stared at him blankly after.
"You change a lot" Off said suddenly. Damn! I was caught on guard. I don't know what to reply.
"Really?" That is the only word I form.
Off nodded. "the Gun I know haven't left over in his plate except green piece. Because the Gun I know love to eat haha" Off chuckled. I could felt he's trying to lighten up the mood.
I just looked at him without emotion. "The Gun you know already gone"
Off smile slowly dropped. "Gun tell me. You still hated me, aren't you?"
"No Off" I kept my voice calm
"so why are you acting like that? Like you doesn't want to talk to me"
"Like I said before. I will forgive you if you won't leave Namtan. I saw that you kept your promise." I saw them last day in the mall. I didn't approach them. I don't want to interrupt and besides Jane is with me.
"did you really forgive me?" Off asked again.
"Yea"
"So why we can't go back like we used to be?"
"hopefully it could be as easy as that." I laughed sarcastically. "A heart can forgive but the mind can't forget. Off I tried to forget what you did but my mind always refuse to."
"I swear to God, Gun I regretted it all. You don't have idea how I suffered without you. I kept coming back to Chiang Mai to check if you were back because I want to explain Gun. I want to prove that how much I loved you... before." I don't know but I feel disappointed when Off use the past tense and 'before'. "I can't accept that you just left me so easily. You ran away!" Off voice raise.
"Stop it!" I yelled. I tried to calm myself again. "You don't know what I had been through so don't upbraid me." I was heaving. I really tried not to get mad and yelled. "You don't know my hardships so don't act like you are the only one hurt that time. I can tell that you are lucky enough because you have your family and friends to condole you! How about me? Have you thought me? I have no one. I don't have someone to talk about my heartaches. No one wants to listen me. No one know my pains. I have no one in the times I'm drowning in loneliness and sadness" I can't help but to cry. I can't hold my tears from falling when I remember the first year I moved to California.
⏮️ flashback ⏮️
"Lee are you going to stay here?" I asked my dorm mate.
"No. I have a gig. I have to go" Lee patted my back before he immediately went outside.
It always like be like this. I'm always alone. I hate being alone argghhhh!
I collapse on my bed while staring at the ceiling. My tears slowly falling down without reason and my heart starting to torn apart. I just clutched it tightly to ease the pain but it has no use. It still hurt.
I just cry until I felt little okay. I sleep while crying. That became my habit before I go to sleep. When I woke up I cry for a moment before I take a shower and before I go to school. I don't know why I still hydrated. I cry until soul satisfied.
I went to my first subject feeling good. Good thing my eyes aren't swelling everytime I cried a lot.
"Good morning class. I have project for you to do. Group yourselves into two now and I'll give your task after" our professor said seriously.
Here we go again. I guess I will do my project alone. No one want to be my partner as usual. Well, I already get used to it.
I just sat on my seat while my classmates busy finding their partners. I sighed and I ducked my head to have a nap.
"Excuse me" I could feel someone poking my back. "Hey"
I slowly lift my head to looked at... Jane? What is she doing? "yes?" I asked her. We are classmates in three subjects but we didn't talk too much. We aren't close.
"Do you have a partner?"
"No, why?"
"Can you be my partner?" she said with an attitude.
Why is she asking me? Don't she have a friends to be her partner?
"Sure why not" I straightened my sit.
"I'll just send you the details so we could work it" i nodded then she left me.
**********
"Hello instant noodles. It's me again haha" I laughed while staring at my dinner.
Whenever Lee is not around. I eat instant food because I can't cook. Luckily every lunch time the cafeteria in our school serve a decent foods.
"I can't remember how many instant noodles I ate" I mumbled while forcefully ate the noodles.
As I wanted to eat outside but I'm not familiarize this place. I don't want to loss.
After I finished my amazing dinner. I went to my room.
'Not again please' I thought when I feel my eyes gets watering.
I divert my attention to somewhere. My tears starting to drop while I dialing mom's number.
"Hello baby" Mom said enthusiastically in other line.
I put my hand on my mouth when I sobbed loudly. I cry a lot when I heard my mom's voice. I really missed her so much.
"Gun? Are you okay? Baby answer me" Mom said worriedly.
I sighed deeply before I speak. "M-mom..." My voice cracked.
"Are you crying? Why?" Mom asked me sadly.
"No mom. I just missed you and dad" I wiped my tears.
"We missed you also baby. How about you just go home and continue your studies here? I know your having hard time there"
"Mom no. I swear I'm okay. I'm still adjusting but I promise I will be okay after a months"
"How are you there?"
"I have a lot of friends already mom"
'Liar!' my sub conscious pop up.
"That's good baby" mom said happily.
After a month I gain some friends. A friends that talk to me when they need something. Jane and Lee is the only people I can say true friends. But we still didn't get along that much because we have different classes.
"by the way Gun. Off kept coming back here. He said he wants to talk to you"
My heart throbbed after I heard his name. "Mom please tell him to stop I won't coming back until I graduate"
"But son, i feel sorry for him"
"Mom please" I pleaded.
"Okay. I will tell him if we will kept coming back."
"Thanks mom. I'll call you again. I need to rest. I love you mom" I want to talk to my mom but I don't want to hear his name for now.
I do my habit again. Fell asleep while crying.
*********
"Man! How are you? Wow you look expensive huh" Mike said happily. We were face timing. I'm eating at the cafeteria now. It's lunch time so I called my friends.
"Expensive my ass! All the price here is hella expensive hahaha" I replied to Mike.
"We really miss you Gun" White said.
"You should visit me sometimes" I miss there presence too.
If they are just here maybe I won't be alone and I have someone to understand me. To talk about the pain I am carrying until now.
"soon. We will go there in summer vacation. I will hunt sexy and hot girls in California" Mike wiggles his eyebrows.
"oh my god Mike. The girls here doesn't want monkey like you haha" I teased him. "You White? Are you going to find a woman here?" I turned my attention to White.
"No thanks. I already has someone" White smiled.
"What? Who?!" Mike and I exclaimed surprisingly.
Mike didn't know also?
"My studies. I'm way too focus on my studies. So, you two should do the same"
"Yes dad" Mike and I teased White. I saw how White hit Mike's head. Gun just laughing at them. He wish his friends are here.
"what are you doing there Gun?" Mike change the topic.
"Eating my lunch" I said while showing them my foods in tray.
"Whom do you with? Do you have a friends there?" White said. He's beside of Mike.
"Uhmm yea of course." I lied.
"Can we see them? Go. Faster. Hurry up. Turn your camera" Mike excitedly said.
"Guys the bell is ringing. I need to go the class will starts in a minute. Bye" I ended up the call immediately before they could say anything.
I don't want to show them that I'm alone. That I have still no permanent friends. I don't want them to worry.
I lied that I'm fine and happy here but it's all opposites I felt now.
************
I'm still feel alone.... again.
The day ended and I'm still on the field sitting on the bleachers alone. I stared at nowhere. The sun already setting down and the darkness amidst the surrounding.
I got up and lay down on the soccer field. I looked up hoping I could see some stars above but they didn't showing. I close my eyes then I felt something touched my face. The rain starting to pour. I just let my body to get wet of the rain. While the rain hardly falling down I'm crying a lot also. I am sobbing loudly. I let myself drowned in my tears. I'm crying while closing my eyes. I'm lucky that no one is here.
"I miss you! I fucking miss you! But damn! Why did you do that?! I'm starting to let myself to trust and love again! You just waste it. Fuck you!" I shouted between my sob. "I fucking hate myself because I can't forget you even though I know you caused me this pain" I said lowly.
I put my arm around my eyes to cover it. My shoulders are moving up and down rapidly because of too much crying. I stayed their for a little longer while the rain still pouring.
I opened my eyes when I couldn't feel the the raindrops hitting my face.
My eyes widen when I saw him here. "Lee? What are you doing here?"
Lee has a umbrella and he was standing beside me. Lee kneel down so he could talk to me properly.
"I'm waiting for you at the dorm. Why you still here?" Lee asked softly. I can't believe this is the bully Lee.
"Uhmm. I just staring at the rain" I made a wonderful and nonsense excuses.
"Is that so? You stared enough. Let's go? I cook something" Lee help me to get up.
After taking shower Lee gave me the hot chocolate. "I hope you won't get cold tomorrow"
*cough* "Nah. I'm strong" *sneeze*
"Strong huh!" Lee said sarcastically.
"finish you're dinner. I'll prepare your medicines" Lee get up and something on the living room.
⏭️ end of flashback ⏭️
"I didn't ran away. I just followed my dream" I told Off. "Do you think if I didn't go to Cali I became what I am now? Off you don't know I many times I want to give up and go home but I didn't. I managed to face my fears, sadness, longingness and heartaches alone. I stand on my own." I wiped my tears and stop for a seconds to take a deep breath "I can't even cook nor do the simple household chores but I don't have a choice. I do the self taught. I do it all myself without no one. So, do you think I live in Cali happily? Do you think I enjoyed my first year there? My mind, my soul, my body is in abroad but my heart is always here" I covered my face with my both hands while crying.
Off put his hand on my shoulder. I move so his hand slipped off. "Don't touch me" I looked at him.
"I'm sorry" Off said weakly.
"You know what. Let's just forget each other. We have different lives now" I stood immediately.
Off snapped his head looking again at me with a wide eyes.
He run beside me and hug me. "Gun, no." I heard his voice crack.
"Off, please let me go" I tried to remove his hands but he just hold me tighter.
I gain my strength first before I pushed him will all my force. He fell on the ground. He looked at me like he was begging.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to" I can't believe I pushed him.
"Do you really loved me?" Off asked. He still on the floor looking at me disbelief.
"Yea... before." I lowered my voice.
"So why you didn't fight for me if you really loved me?! Am I not worth it to fight to?" Off voice are trembling.
"You are but you cheated on me. Don't forget that. Did you know I am guilty because I feel like I'm a cheap relationship wrecker, you already had girlfriend before me. And the worst is, its the girl I loved with all my soul and heart. And you just gonna tell me that you will break up with her to be with me huh!" I sighed. I close my eyes tightly "Can we just move on? I'm so fucking tired. I want to live with a peace of mind. I'm so tired of pain and heartache" GmI added. I pulled my hair up. "I don't love you anymore!"
'Fuck!'
As if a million of fireworks in my stomach booming inside and my heart stabbed multiple times.
We stayed in silent for a moment. No words just staring at each other eyes.
"Can we just be friends? I don't want to loss you again" Off pleaded. He get up and walk closer to me.
"I don't think it's a good idea" Step backwards. "Off, I need to go"
I run outside of the room but before I could walk in the hallway I heard him cry inside.
'I really forgive you Off but it's just,, its hard to forget. The fact that you cheated on me and Namtan'
----------------------------
A/N: finally we got Gun's POV. We will have some flashbacks to clarify the mess now. So stay tuned.
I hope you like the new chapter!