(A/N) So,
Did you guys get tickets to that AJR virtual concert thing?
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Jack: Look at the buns on that guy.
Ryan: *on the ground, covered in hamburger buns*
Adam, bursting through the door: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!
Jack, holding up a nerf gun: I'M NOT GOING BACK TO JAIL!
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Ryan, staring off into space: Do you guys ever......wonder about things?
Adam and Jack, trying to fit a whole box of pizza rolls in the microwave: No.
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Jack: You played me like a fiddle!
Adam: Oh no, fiddles are actually difficult to play.
Adam: I played you like the cheap kazoo you are.
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Ryan: He can't hurt me, I'm verified on twitter.
Jack, sliding into the room: You may be verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?
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Adam, getting to a concert rehearsal late: Sorry it took me so long to get here. I broke down on the way.
Chris: Oh, is your car okay?
Adam: My car?
Chris:
Adam:
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Adam: Try not to kill anyone on accident.
Jack: I'm not an idiot, Adam. I know how to kill people on purpose.
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Adam, Jack, and Ryan: *Screaming*
Ezra, running into the room: What's wrong, Adam?!
Ryan: Why are you only asking Adam?! We're all screaming!!
Ezra: Because Adam doesn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you get the chance.
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(Years ago)
Their Mom: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Ryan, excitedly: Prettiest smile!
Jack: "Most likely to start a bar fight."
Adam: "Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one."
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Ryan: Jack was banned from the restaurant so we had to go out of town to get some food.
Jack: Well, they shouldn't have said "all you can eat" if they didn't mean it!
Adam: You ate a f*cking chair.
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(When they were little)
Jack: FIGHT ME YOU NERD *SS BUTT-HEAD!
Ryan: Wha-
Adam: At least try to sound more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Jack: Oh, I'm sorry, I should ask: dost thou wish to engage in a duel, my good b*tch?
Adam, pulling out a foam sword: Ah, yes. To the death, I presume?
Ryan, under his breath: what the f*ck what the f*ck what the f*ck what the f*ck what the f*ck what the f*ck-
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Adam: Who hurt you?
Jack, sarcastically: You want a list?
Ryan, pulling out a knife: Yes.
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(When they were little and Jack is home alone)
Jack: *Stubs his toe* SWEET BABY CARROTS!
Jack: Oh, wait. I'm alone, I can curse for real!
Jack: *Takes a breath* SON OF A B-
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Ryan: Jack, do you have any thoughts on the situation?
Jack: I wasn't listening, but I strongly disagree with whatever you guys were saying.
Ryan:
Ryan: Fair enough.
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Ryan: Hey, Adam. Wanna hear a chemistry joke?
Adam:
Ryan: Is..... Is that a no?
Adam: Oh, I'm sorry. Were you expecting a reaction?
Jack: *Air horn sounds*
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(When they were kids and forced to share a room)
Jack: It has come to my attention that having brothers is too irritating for me, so I've elected to get rid of you two.
Ryan: Wha-what?
Adam: Listen here you little sh*t, we were here first.
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Jack: Would it be stupid if I-
Adam, Alba, and Ryan: Yes.
Jack: Okay, first of all-
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Jack: *Is carrying a bag*
Ryan: Hey, what's in the bag?
Jack: Oh, you know, just 4.5-inch heels.
Ryan: Haha, very funny. Now what's actually in the bag?
Jack, pulling out larg, red high-heels: Did I f*cking stutter?
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Adam: As a Metzger, I believe senseless violence isn't how my brothers would want me to solve things.
Jack, from the background: RIP HIS HEAD OFF!!!
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Ryan: "Garbage person"??
Ryan: I'll have you know, Adam made sure we were all 100% recyclable, you b*tch.
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Adam, sadly: I don't know.... I just feel like I don't fit anywhere.
Ryan and Jack: What do you mean? You fit perfectly in our arms!
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(Jack at a job interview)
Job Interviewer: So, what would you list as one of your skills?
Jack: I can perform under pressure.
Job Interviewer: Interesting. Can you give me an example?
Jack, clearing his throat: 🎶PRESSURE, pushing down on me, pushing down on you, no man ask for. UNDER PRESSURE, that burns a building down, splits a family apart, puts people on streets~🎶🎶
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Ryan, to Adam: Jack hasn't stopped staring through the window since the storm started.
Adam, sighing: I guess I should let him back inside.