Chapter 10: Rage
"
𝐲𝗼𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝗺𝐲 𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝗺𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞.
"
••
I RAN AROUND AIMLESSLY in the quite and abandoned streets of a small city, my mind lost.
I guess you could say I was in the first stage of grief, denial.
Denial was such a funny thing, your mind created webs of lies that you used to block the aching feeling of loss.
Anyone could get loss, drown even in denial. If your lie was good enough, true enough to you, you were a goner. Lost in your lie, not knowing that your life can never go back to the way it was.
No, I knew he was gone. I was quite aware as I held his body for hours, crying to the very last second.
What was the next stage?
Oh,
right.
Rage.
I wanted to unleash my rage, but I wasn't quite sure where that rage was at. I didn't feel anything except for pure lost and confusion.
So yeah, maybe I wasn't at the second stage yet, maybe my mind was still trying to find a new lie to trick me into believing.
"What do I do?" I say to no in particular as I sit down on the road, not caring that it's dirty.
"God I feel so stupid."
I lay down as I clench my fists in frustration, I felt so sad yet so awkward. Just how does one cope with a death of a best friend- no scratch that, a brother.
Am I supposed to destroy the world now? Kill everyone I see? Or was I supposed to cry and morn by myself for the rest of my life.
This whole thing was so sudden and so confusing that I had no idea on what to do to help drive away this feeling of nothing.
I'm supposed to keep the plan going, help my father til the very end where I kill him and watch as he feels how it is to feel betrayed, to feel the rage that I felt for leaving me with mother.
Was this the end to the non-caring Tiana?
sorry for the extremely short chapter 😔😔🤞🏻🤞🏻
kinda re-writing almost everything since it's not my best writing🧍🏻♀️
so if you see that i update some older chapters just yk don't really worry unless you wanna re-read :))
also realizing how shit my grammar was and honestly not surprised since i would write most chapters at like 2am😀😀