SICELO.
I follow luh and zama to the guest bedroom, cause I really want to talk to her but I don't think she wants to hear anything from me. She doesn't deserve the humilation I put her through, I didn't stop her when she left me in the kitchen and I wish I could change that moment. I will regret not stopping her or running after her, they get inside and luh shows her the bathroom and she takes her bag gets inside and closes the door and she still won't look at me cause I disappointed her and I feel disappointed at myself too.
Me:" luh can we talk? "
Her:" sure, what is wrong? "
Me:" I messed up "
Her:" yeah I think you did even though I don't really know what's going on but I can see that she's hurt, You hurt her "
Me:" I don't even though where to start or what to say "
Her:" you start by apologizing to her and then you listen to her when she says something cause there's alot I think she's going to say "
Me:" but what if she doesn't want to listen to what I have to say "
Her:" don't get me wrong brother but from what I picked up, she used to listen to you alot and maybe now it's time for you to listen to her "
Me:" how will I talk to her when she won't even look at me? "
Her:" you beg her "
Me:" I messed up, I really fucked up and hurt her "
Her:" yeah you did, brother no woman wants to feel like she's someone's else's second choice and I think zama did cause you chose ayanda over her "
Me:" but she's not my second choice, she never was "
Her:" did you tell her that and make her feel like she's the only one? "
Me:" no, I never did "
Her:" then how do you think she felt when you chose ayanda? "
Me:" hurt "
Her:" you hurt her "
Me:" how did you do it? "
Her:" do what? "
me:" forgive mbuso " she smiles
Her:" I forgave him cause I loved him and my love for him over powered all the bad things he did to me, I chose to focus on the good things he did, I just want him to come back to me "
Me:" He is coming back sis "
Her:" I know ".
Me:" I wanted to ask you if you could borrow me the keys to your house, I want to talk with her cause we need to be alone, so we can properly talk "
Her:" hmmm don't use sex to get her to forgive you scelo, the keys are in the kitchen I think " she giggles and I am planning to do that too
Me:" I won't sis "
Her:" you can always win her body but before that you have to win her mind first "
Me:" How do I do that? "
Her:" she has to trust you with her heart again and believe that you won't hurt her again "
Me:" thank you sis "
Her:" I'm always here for you brother " zama opens the door and she looks so beautiful with, how did I not see her?. She goes to sit next to luh like she seeks protection from her and I almost laugh but it makes me happy to see that she trusts my sister even though she has just met her.
Me:" come, I want to take you somewhere so we can talk "
Zama:" I'm not going anywhere with you " she says with a little bit of attitude and I fold my arms and look at her
Me:" Zah. Now! "
Zah;" I'm done following your rules scelo, I'm done ". I look at luh to give us some space
Her:" I think I'm going to eat, help me up scelo "
Zah:" I'll help you " she helps her get up then luh gives me an intimidating look she thinks but it's cute and I laugh.
Her:" don't make her do something she doesn't want to do cause you'll push her away and you don't want that " she closes the door after shee leaves and I sigh and look at zah
Me:" I really want to have a talk with you but I can't do that here with everyone around "
Zah:" you mean you can't fuck me to submission cause everyone in the house will hear? "
Me:" that too but we have to talk first before you let me fuck you "
Zah:" I don't want you to use me anymore sicelo, I can't " she snifs.
Me:" lets go to luh's and mbuso's house so you can scream at me all you like and throw things at me "
Zah:" I won't do that "
Me:" I know you won't but if it will make you feel better "
Her:" no it will hurt me more if I hurt you "
Me:" lets go zah....please "
Her:" I'm scared of what you'll do to me when we're alone "
Me:" I won't hurt you "
Her:" you're angry scelo and I know how you get "
Me:" I promise you I won't hurt you "
Her:" but you did "
Me:" I know and I want to make it right " I sigh
Her:" ok "
Me:" thank you, come " I take her hand we leave using the back door cause I know my aunt will shout at me for wanting to be alone with zama. We get in my car and I drive to mbuso's place, and she's looking outside the window.
Me:" I'm sorry I hurt you zah, I shouldn't have left you and ran to ayanda "
Her:" what happemd between you two? "
Me:" she's not what I thought she was "
Her:" If she was the person you thought she was would I be here right now? "
Me:".......I thought she would be like you "
Her:" you wanted someone else to be like me, but not me?....wow "
Me:" I didn't know it at that time "
Her:" do you love her? "
Me:" I don't love her "
Her:" but you told me about her, you were so sure she's the one and now she's not, what happend? "
Me:" I saw her at the club and I liked her, payed for her bill then asked mark to take them home then I get a call that her boyfriend is beating her up and we get there, take her to the hospital.... she looked bad "
Her:" so the nights you came late and would wake me up and fuck me...hurt me, were the nights you went to see her? "
Me:" yes "
Her:" then what?, you declared your undying love for her? "
Me:" no I didn't, I told her I wanted to get to know her and she should give me, us a chance. She was sweet and I was excited but then we went to standerton and when I came back I went to see her at her bakery and she was kinda mad. I took her out for late lunch then her ex called and she freaked out "
Her:" I would too "
Me:" then I took her to her friends place and I wanted to be there for her but she asked to be alone and then she called that time when you were telling me about how you feel "
Her:" I wish I didn't. I wish I never said anything then what happend? "
Me:" she started acting crazy, calling all sorts of names, threw that centrepiece you love at me and it broke, she hurt my arm "
Her:" wow but she gets to leave with a million rands "
Me:" she's not going to get it "
Her:" how ? "
Me:" you don't come to my house and disrespect my father and his whole family, she's going to pay "
Her:" I wish I never told you I love you " she said love so I still have a chance.
Me:" I wish you could have told me earlier "
Her:" why am I here scelo cause you didn't come looking for me? "
Me:" I asked mbuso to help you look for you, I asked him to track you down "
Her:" I knew that you might reject what I feel for you and when my exact fear came true and happend it killed me "
Me:" I didn't reject how you feel for me "
Her:" you never said anything either "
Me:" my biggest mistake, I took you for granted and I'm sorry "
Her:" I felt so vunlerable opening up to you and stupid after " I open the gate and drive in and close it then look at zah.
Me:" I have known you since you were 19 zama, I took your virginity, the greatest gift anyone could have ever given me and you're right I used you. I wanted to protect from men would use you and hurt you but it was me doing that very same thing I was trying to protect you from and I'm sorry " I get out of the car and open her door and take her hand and lead her to the house.
Me:" are you hungry? "
Her:" no " I take bottles of water and give her one.
Me:" You did everything I asked you to do without questioning it "
Her:" cause you promised to protect me always "
Me:" I brought women and fucked them while you were "
Her:" it hurt me everytime "
Me:" and I was selfish because I didn't care about how you would feel, I just did cause it was my house and I called the rules "
Her:" then you would ask me to make them breakfast and clean all your messes and then I would still welcome you in my body and let you have me cause I thought just maybe one day you will see that I'm here, I could be the woman you're searching for "
Me:" you are that woman zah, I want a future with you. I know it took me long, well it took ayanda to open my eyes to see what a fool I have been to you "
Her:" when you look at me sicelo, what do you see? "
Me:" I never should have walked away from you, you gave me peace and I took it for granted, you made my house a home and I don't think I can forgive myself for the ways I used you and I'm sorry. You always put my needs first before yours, you are the one I always confide in cause I know my secrets are safe with you. I trust you with my life " fuck this is hard.
Me:" when I look at you I see a woman who is strong, selfless, puts people's needs first before hers even happiness. I see a woman who has always been there for me, you comfort me, you take all my frustrations that I take out on you and you have never once complained. You always make sure that me and my house we're taken care of, I look this good cause it's because of you. "
Her:" no you do that, you work hard so your home has everything you need "
Me:" my house is not a home without you, when you left you took the warmth I always feel when I open the door and get in. I always look forward to going home cause I know you're there waiting for me and I need you back home cause it is not the same without you. I need you back in my life zama cause without you I'm just lost "
Her:" I'm scared sicelo, what if you meet another beautiful girl and think she's the one? "
Me:" I was stupid then and my eyes were closed, I've learned my lesson and I know now what they mean when they say ' you never what you have until it is gone " I don't want to lose you again because of my stupidness "
Her:" then why do I feel like I'm your second choice cause if things did work out with you and ayanda I would be still heartbroken "
Me:" maybe things happend this way so I can see that you are what I need in my life, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with...." I get on both ny kness and take her hands in mine and look at her. " I took me long to see it but I think I fell inlove with you the day you held me as I cried and told you I have found my sister. Do you remember what you said to me? "
Her:" no.... "
Me:" you said I have now found the missing piece that was missing, so I can now stop trying to run away from love cause I think I don't deserve it. I looked at you different from that day and it scared me cause I started to feel things I didn't want to admit "
Her:" I understand "
Me:" no zah you don't, I tried to run away from the love I feel for you cause it scares me, it makes me feel like I can't control myself when I'm around you and you know that I excersize control in all things "
Her:" get up scelo, don't kneel for me "
Me:" a king kneels before his queen, her only and no one else. I'm not going to run anymore "
Her:" then don't run "
Me:" please give me another chance to make things right between us and give me your heart again to love "
Her:" I'm scared scelo "
Me:" I love you zama shange and I want to adore you for the rest of my life. You don't have to say you love me or anything but please give me another chance to show you that I can treat you the way I know you deserve, I really do love you and I promise not break your heart or make you feel like you're my second choice cause, you are the only one I want, my only choice, my only woman that I love and want to get pregnant as soon as she she lets me into her heart again " she looks at me and smiles
Her:" I love you sicelo but please don't ever choose someone else again "
Me:" I promise zah, there is no one else but you. I mean it when I say I love you. I'm not saying this cause I think it's what you want to hear no, you know me and you know I always tell you the truth "
Her:" did you mean it when you said you want to share me with mbuso's brother " what the hell!
Me:" you were listening to us? "
Her:" no I came to give you food but then I heard that and I quickly left "
Me:" I meant it but only if you would agree " she blushes and looks down. " do you want us to have a threesome with bonga? "
Her:" ask me when I completely trust you again "
Me:" you never sieze to amaze me zah "
Her:" it's all your doing "smile
Me:" you forgive me? "
Her:" I forgive you, do you forgive me too? "
Me:" for what? "
Her:" for not telling you earlier how I feel about you "
Me:" I didn't make things easy for you baby but I want you to always know one thing "
Her:" what? "
Me:" don't ever doubt your place in my life or my heart ever again and I will never make you feel like you have to doubt it or prove your love for me cause you always showed me that you love me and me only. Now it's my turn to prove my love for you "
Her:" but you have in your own way "
Me:" how? "
Her:" sicelo you took me to school, I'm going to be graduating next year and it's all because of you "
Me:" that is nothing baby, I'm going to show you what this man does for someone they love "
Her:" you don't have to prove anything, your word is enough for me "
Me:" I am going to show you "
Her:" ok fine, get up "
Me:" Do I have permission to touch you? "
Her:" no scelo, it's too soon "
Me:" I just want touch you, I won't fuck you or make you do anything you don't want to do "
Her:" ok "
Me:" what's your safe word baby? "
Her:" Fire "
Me:" take off your clothes " I say getting up and taking my clothes off too.