#13
Madelyn's POV
"I've been calling you non stop for the last hour. I was about to call the police." Cara rants as I stand between her and Cole, not knowing which one I want to face right now.
"Cara, take it easy on her" Cole cuts in.
"You know where I was?" I ask him.
He nod his head looking slightly ashamed. I scoff and walk into my apartment, slamming the door behind me. Deciding that Cara is easier to deal with right now.
I already assumed that he was the one that called the police, but what he just said confirms it.
"Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on here? Where were you? And why is Cole defending you? Wh-"
"I was almost raped and murdered. Okay?" I cut her off by saving it very loudly. No doubt loud enough for the neighbors to hear. For Cole to hear.
Her demeanor immediately changes, "I'm sorry. Can you explain?"
I sit down on the couch, she follows suit.
"The night of the party" I start off, "I left early because of some girl. On my walk home I was attacked. He touched-" I cut myself off, unable to continue the sentence. "But before things could go any further, Cole showed up. He nearly beat the guy to death. Cole took me to his apartment and took care of me for the night." I intentionally leave out the part where basically I threw myself at him like every other girl. "I was just with the police. I guess the guy that attacked me had been raping and killing college girls. I was supposed to be next."
Cara leans over and hugs me, "you could have told me"
"I know I just didn't want you to look at me differently" I explain. Like the way Cole now looks at me differently.
"Why are you pushing Cole away?" She asks leaning away slightly so that she can see my face.
"He told the police. It wasn't his information to share, it was mine"
She doesn't say anything. She just nods, "I'm so sorry."
"For what?"
"For leaving you that night, I'm so so sorry"
"It's okay, it wasn't you fault" I tell her.
It's my fault.
"Do you want to eat ice cream and watch Grey's Anatomy?" She asks.
"Is that even a question?"
She stands and goes towards the freezer.
***
I grip tight onto Bruno's leash as I do my best to calm myself down before going in to meet my new therapist.
I push the door open and step into the room.
Dr. Montgomery owns her own private practice so she just has her own room in an office building.
Luckily it wasn't that difficult to find, which is surprising because I'm really bad with directions. Or maybe it's unlucky that I found her room. I'm not sure yet.
"Hi Dr. Montgomery" I say as I shake her hand.
"Please, call me Jade" she says to me, "it's nice to finally meet you Madelyn, and who is this?" She asks, motioning towards Bruno.
"Bruno"
"It's nice to meet you too, Bruno. Please have a seat wherever you feel comfortable"
I walk further into the room and towards an olive colored couch. Assuming that's where I was supposed to sit considering the across from the couch was a matching chair. I direct Bruno to sit at my feet.
Dr. Montgomery- I mean Jade, sits across from me like I thought she would. I crossed her legs and sets a pad of paper on her knee.
"So let's start with what you've already told Dr. Karie"
Not sure where to actually start, I start with the first thing that comes to mind.
I start with the story of how my father died and how my mother started abusing me. The same story I told Cole. I've said it so many times it basically sounds rehearsed.
No emotion reaches my face, the entire time. If I let it all in, I won't be able to handle this.
As I walk towards the door, Jade talks behind me. "You did really good today, I'll see you next week"
"Yeah. Bye"
"Bye"
***
"Let's go to Portland"
"What?" I reply, looking at Cara on the other side of the couch.
"Let's go on a road trip. Get out of here for a bit."
"Right now?" I question.
"Why not?"
"Okay, let's go"
I go to my room and just start throwing stuff into a suitcase. This isn't like me at all. I like to plan everything detail out and make sure everything is perfect. But at the same time I'm excited for the opportunity to escape here for a bit.
I run.
It's how I cope.
I run away from my problems, and that's exactly what I need to do right now.
***
Cara and I take my car and decide to stop at Starbucks on the way there. I pull up to the window to pick up our drinks and see that Adam is working.
"Hey" Cara says to Adam, flirtatiously.
"Hello beautiful"
He hands Cara one drink at a time, as she gets the drink she passes it to me and I put it in the cup holder.
"Have fun on your road trip." Adam tells us, more directing his words towards his girlfriend.
"We will" Cara responds.
***
After driving for a while, I press a button on the radio, turning it off.
"Okay, I have to get something off of my chest." I start.
"Okay..." Cara says skeptically.
"I kissed Cole. The night I was... attacked, I kissed him. I didn't want the feeling of the guy to be on me and so I just kissed Cole."
"...okay" she says as if she's trying to process, "and are we happy about this or not?"
"I don't know. One second he's an ass and the next he's super sweet. It's like he can't decide if he hates me or not"
"He's probably in love with you"
"Ha ha. Very funny"
She turns to me and smiles, unamused.
"Okay, tell me exactly how it went." She's asks, excitement evident in his voice.
"He held my hand on the way to the apartment building, and once he parked I straddled him. It was just for comfort, I just wanted to be held. But then I could feel his heart beating against his chest. He was being so nice and comforting and I just wanted the feeling of the other guy off of me. I just kissed him... and started to undo his shirt" I say the last part slightly embarrassed, "and then he pushed me away and said I wasn't in the right mindset. Then I kissed him again. He pushed me away again, so I got back into my seat. Then he kissed me."
"So it wasn't just one measly peck"
"Nope. And then he helped me shower."
She turns to look at me, mouth agape.
"It wasn't like that" I start, "I was injured and couldn't reach my arms above my head without pain, so he washed my hair. Afterwards, he let me sleep in his bed, in his shirt."
"Oh my god."
"You have to say something besides that."
It was silent for a couple minutes.
"Literally anything" I continue.
"Are his lips as unbelievably soft as they look?"
"Not that" I groan.
"You said anything"
"Yeah yeah. I guess that's on me"
"Well...?" She asks.
I think about it for a second. Remembering the feeling of his lips pressed to mine. The gentleness of it all.
"Yeah they are. They're exactly how you'd imagine they are, but better"
"You're smiling" She says.
"What?" I ask turning towards her.
"You're thinking about your kiss, and smiling. Am I sensing a little crush."
"Nope. End of conversation."
***
Cara and I finally get to our hotel late at night, after setting out bags down we each flop on our beds.
"I'm so tired" Cara groans.
"Me too. But I need to shower."
My phone starts ringing, I sit up and start feeling around the bed for it. My fingers eventually rest upon the cold metal. I pick it up and look at the screen.
"Who is it?" Cara asks.
"Cole" I respond, "Hey" I say, answering the phone.
"What's up?" He asks.
"Nothing, just got to my hotel."
"Hotel?" He asks.
"Yeah, Cara and I decided to go on an overnight getaway to Portland. That reminds me, can you take Bruno on a walk every once in a while?"
"Yeah I can. I actually called to see where you were, I didn't see you get home. What are you doing right now?" Cole asks.
"I'm about to get in the shower." I reply, standing.
"Yeah? Are you naked right now?" He asks, joking flirtation.
I'm not, but I decided to play along.
"Yep, completely naked. And very sweaty." I add the last part, to ensure he knows I'm not serious.
"Mhm? That's hot" He laughs.
"Oh, I know. And just so you know, this does not let you off the hook for talking to the police" I say sternly.
"I know"
"Okay, good."
"Bye."
"Bye" I pull the phone away from my face and press the call end button.
"What'd he want?" Cara asks.
"He said that he didn't see me go home so he wanted to check in"
"And flirt with you" She adds.
"What? There definitely wasn't any flirting."
"There for sure was."
"Whatever, I'm going to shower."
***
Cara and I spend the day exploring the city and pointing out things that were unfamiliar to us, since both of us grew up in small towns. Obviously snapping pictures along the way.
"Ooo, can you take a picture of me in front of the foundation" Cara asks me.
"Yeah"
I pull my phone out from my waistband and set it on portrait mode. Cara lightly jogs up in front of the fountain and poses while leaning against it. I step closer to her and crouch down, trying to get the best angle possible. I snap a bunch of pictures, making a mental note to send them to her later. I stand regularly and hold the phone out to her for her to look at the pictures I've taken.
"Are they good?" I ask as she swipes through all of them.
"Yes, they look so good. Thanks." She hands the phone back to me, "do you want me to take some of you?"
"Nah, I am not photogenic at all."
"Of come on. You're gorgeous, there's no way you're not."
"I'm telling you I'm not"
"Just let me take some of you and then you can decide if they look good."
"Fine"
I walk to the fountain and place both of my hands on the edge. I look over my shoulder to see Cara taking pictures similarly to how it did. I don't smile, rather keeping a stern face. For some reason I always look worse when I smile in pictures.
"Oh that one is perfect" Cara says, getting out of her picture taking pose. "Look" she holds the phone out to me.
"Okay, that one isn't bad" I say.
"Not bad, you look amazing."
"Thanks" I respond, not bothering to argue.
I don't know how to take compliments so I almost always end up arguing back. I've been complimented like four times in my whole like, so I'm just bad at taking them.
***
Cara and I hop in the car after a day of exploring the city of Portland. I sit behind the wheel since Cara drove us here.
We drive for a bit and then stop to get gas. After pulling out of the gas station, Cara turns towards me.
"So are you going to talk to Cole when we get back?"
"I don't know yet" I reply, this trip was supposed to be so that I could get away from Cole and somehow most of the trip ended up being surrounded by him.
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. On one hand I'm mad that he pretty much went behind my back to share my information. But on the other hand, he could've just helped stop that guy. At the same time, I hate the way he now looks at me and how he acts around me. He acts like I'm fragile, like if he says the wrong thing I might break. I can see the pity in his eyes, and I hate it. He used to just be a douche and now..." I trail off.
"You don't like that you don't know how you feel about him?" Cara asks, pretty much finishing my sentence for me.
"Yeah, I guess" I sigh.
"It doesn't have to be one or the other, you know? You can still like him even if he's a douche."
"But is that what I want?"
"That's for you to decide"
***
Cara and I walk out of the elevator and towards our apartment, our luggage being towed behind us. As Cara is twisting the key in the lock, Cole emerges from his room. I do my best not to look, although I can tell he's looking at me.
"Hey, can we talk?"