Play the song above.
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I WOKE UP WITH a jolt. I sat up on the bed, my palms were frozen and I could feel sweat trickling down my forehead. I was breathing erratically and I could not control it. To make matters worse, my heart was beating against my ribcage, wanting out.
My gaze snapped to the empty space beside me when I remembered that Jonah didn't sleep here. My eyes trailed to the sofa where I saw him sleeping soundly.
The room was still dark, the moonlight was seeping through the windows, giving me the ability to see. The digital clock on his bedside table read 4:23 am. The discomfort that my dream had caused woke me up, and as much as I would like to go back to sleep, I can't because I might have that bad dream again.
I sighed, I dreamt about what happened yesterday in the kitchen. I wanted to erase it from my memory, but I can't.
I had been objectified by two boys that had declared that they liked me. To make matters worse, they had gone on a rumble about it. Also. I had a nightmare about it. How does one forget about that?
I stood up from the bed and accidentally slipped on the bed sheets. I was sent flying to the floor with a loud thump.
Jonah must have been woken up by my fall for I saw him abruptly get up from his position on the sofa with sleepy eyes. He rushed to my aid and crouched down to my height, "Hey, what happened?"
I pouted while he helped me up, "I slipped." I then stood on my two feet and put on my slides. He had done the same and wore his coffee colored ones.
He laughed, "You're so clumsy, it's adorable." He pinched my cheeks.
I scrunched my nose at his declaration, "You're adorable." I pinched his cheeks in return.
"I know." He cockily smiled, but then his face turned serious when he saw my possibly tear stained cheeks from my nightmare.
He caressed my cheeks and his crystal blue eyes met mine, "What happened?" He asked in a whisper.
I let out a huge sigh, "Nightmare about yesterday."
He nodded his head, "So that's why you're awake this early."
I nodded, "I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided that I'd just make myself some coffee." I said, pertaining to the reason why I was getting up but ended up slipping.
"Well, come on. I'll make coffee for us." He offered, and I gladly followed.
We went inside the kitchen and he did his thing. He was putting beans in the espresso machine and I just sat on the kitchen island, watching him work. He looked like an export. I swear, if he didn't succeed as an artist, he would have been a world famous barista.
I was knocked off my thoughts when Jonah spoke. "Remember that time when we had our first date?"
I tilted my head to the side, "I do, why?"
He clicked his tongue, "You told me you liked your coffee black. Why is that again?"
I looked down, "Because.. I--"
"I read your twitter thread, Lotte.You tweeted after our date." He said the words I did not expect him to say. I didn't expect that he'd read that. After all, I was just some girl they were forced to be in a reality show with.
I felt my cheeks heat up. I had tweeted those things for they were what I felt. But now, having a boy band member talk to me about it made me feel fidgety and embarrassed of myself.
Before I could speak, he cut me off. "If it isn't much of a bother.. can you recite that poem for me while I make our coffee?"
I wanted to say no, but when he looked at me with those crystal blue eyes of his, I knew my resolve was gone.
I breathed out a sigh as I began, "For all the years I've walked this earth, I've made a list of things, of which my liking isn't worth."
I looked at Jonah, who was operating the espresso machine, but was still listening. "Here it goes, but a warning though, it's gonna be a lot, cos I'm a wordy dumbo." I saw him smile at the statement.
"One, when I'm sleeping really good and someone wakes me up, I feel like I'm about to fuck someone up. Two, when I forget about homework last minute, and everyone else didn't. Three, those people who have an opinion about everything, make me want to keep them from breathing. Four, when I'm trying to talk to a group of people and no one is listening, I want to shout at them cos this socializing thing? I'm trying. Five, when I want to star gaze but it's cloudy, I just want to kick somebody's hiney. Six, overly obnoxious people make me want to gag, I swear to all things alive I want them all dead." He let out a hearty chuckle at my sarcasm, but kept quiet, so I continued.
"Seven and eight, I hate green bugs, gums on the sidewalk. Nine, I hate how beauty nowadays is defined by makeup.Ten, I hate how society is fucked up. Then, eleven, I hate how lists like these don't end in even number blocks." The two of us chuckled at my ill sense of humor.
Then my face turned serious as I watched the crystal blue eyed boy turn the espresso machine off for it had done its job.
"I hate how you remind me of black coffee." I recited, my eyes wandering around tbe kitchen, and then landing on Jonah.
Jonah momentarily glanced at me while he was pouring the black coffee inside the two mugs he had taken out.
"You make me feel weird things, and with just one sip I could feel a rush of adrenaline." I pursed my lips.
Jonah put the two mugs on the countertop and looked for sugar through the cupboards, but I continued, "You wake me up, to the bitter truth, that we're not meant to be."
He looked at me from the corner of his eyes, and I gave him a meek smile, "Because you're you, and I'm... I'm just me."
I breathed out a sigh when he took out the sugar, but then went back to the cupboards to look for creamer. "I know I hate a lot of things, and it's basically almost everything, but I can't deny the fact that I think I'm falling."
He turned around to face me when he found the creamer. My eyes then went downcast as I said the last line, "Though I had just said all these facts, I think it's still safe to say that.."
When I trailed off, I looked up and Jonah was looking at me with a sad look in his eyes. His eyes never left mine, and I, him.
"Because of you, I like my coffee black." The two of us recited in unison, which made my cheeks warm.
"Sugar and creamer?" He asked me, I nodded in response.
"I can't believe you know the last line." I gushed as Jonah put sugar in both of our coffees and creamer.
He looked up at me and smiled as he gave me my mug, "I memorized every single word."
He then led me to the balcony where it was almost sunrise. I followed him, and we were met by dusk. It was about five minutes before twilight.
I raised an eyebrow at his confession of memorizing my poem, "Why?" I took a small sip of coffee and it was heaven.
Jonah's eyes went downcast for a moment before he looked into my eyes again, "Love makes you do crazy things."
I froze and my heart stopped. Love? He probably saw me turn visibly pale, because he sighed and turned away, facing the horizon.
"I saw you and Daniel yesterday morning. I was restless because you wouldn't let me talk to you, I got up to make myself coffee, but when I passed by the balcony, I saw you two holding hands." He sighed, but before I could react, he continued, "Janine Flores is a my cousin, she's a singer, and Rose is her best friend. They were asking for selfies, so I went to look for them at the awards show. Press makes me look like a womanizer but I've only ever dated two women in my entire life, and that was when I was 19."
I looked down, embarassed, "Oh. I'm sorry."
He shook his head, "It's okay. Do you like Daniel?"
The question caught me off guard, but I quickly answered, "I don't know."
He sighed, "Okay."
Silence fell upon the two of us and all I could see was him looking at the horizon.
"Lotte, I think I'm falling." He confessed, then momentarily glanced at me before looking back at the horizon.
I briefly touched his shoulders, making him face me. I gave him a sad smile, "I know you are. But, what am I?"
He looked perplexed for a moment, but answered, "You're the most outgoing, amicable, sarcastic, amazing, and the most beautiful girl with an equally beautiful personality, Lotte."
I gave him a sad smile and shook my head, turning towards the horizon that was now beginning to turn to twilight. It reminded me so much of yesterday morning at the beach house with Daniel.
"No, Jo. I wish I was all of those things, but.. I'm just a confused girl who doesn't know how to respond to her own feelings. I'm a girl who is supposedly liked by three boy band members for some reason. Two. of which, were fighting yesterday, and the other one, I'm with right now." I looked down.
"Who are the two? Daniel and?" I heard him ask.
"Corbyn." I muttered.
I heard him sigh, "I knew it."
I felt Jonah lift my chin up, making me meet his crystal blue eyes.
"You are all those things, Lotte. You may be confused, but that's okay. Don't mind Daniel and Corbyn, they're just letting their egos grow bigger than their emotions. As for myself.." He trailed off, making me bite my lip in suspense.
"I'm falling for you, Lotte. I'm falling hard. But I don't want to be one of the reasons why you are bothered. You need someone with you right now, and I can be that someone. I'll be your shoulder to cry , I'll be your go-to when no one else wants to listen. I'll be your best friend." He went on, making my heart warm, but utterly confused.
"What do you mean, Jo?" I asked, perplexed.
He gave me a heartbreaking smile, his eyes held sadness as he spoke, "I, Jonah Marais, am gracefully withdrawing from the battle for Charlotte Elora Ryans' heart."
I felt my body stiffen, "What?"
"We'll still be the same. My feelings will remain the same, because I am captivated by you, and I don't think anything can change that. But now, I choose to be right by your side. I won't let anybody hurt you, even if that anybody may be one of my bandmates. But one wrong move, if neither of them treat you right, I won't hesitate to step into battle again." He smiled at me, giving me the assurance that if something messes up, he'll be there for me.
I felt my heart warm and tears threatened to escape my eyes but I stopped myself from crying. Jonah is too precious.
"Thank you, Jonah. I don't deserve a best friend like you." I gave him a grateful smile and then engulfed him in a hug, which surprised both me and him.
I felt him stiffen against me but then sigh into the hug, "You deserve all the best things life has to offer, Lotte. Never forget that."
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