(WANG HUA)
"I don't understand it," Father started as he sits beside me while contemplating the gift Prince Jin sent to me the night before. It's a painting of a flower that is about to bloom. Prince Jin's extraordinary talent of capturing a specific moment and express that on a canvass is trult astouding. I could sit here and stare at this painting for days and patiently wait if this flower will truly move to open up and bloom.
"What is the confusing part, Father?" I asked as I sighed while still staring at the painting.
"He clearly loves you but he is leaving to go with his mother back to the South Indes. Why?" Father was puzzled.
"I don't know. He must have his reasons, though. Jin is not someone who does thing just because he feels like it. He thinks," I simply said.
"Hua," Father held my shoulder to make me look at him. "Are you alright? This must be frustrating for you. Your fiance is leaving."
"Just for a year, Father." I answered with a little smile to my Father. "Jin sent me a letter with this painting. He apologized for not being able to say goodbye personally, he said he is afraid he will never leave if he will see my face. But he promised to be back after a year. Just in time for us to start getting ready for our wedding. He wants it to be a lavish event. We still have a year and a half of waiting for that day to come. I think there is no harm for Jin to spend some time away during that waiting period. Do you want to see his letter to me? Read it too."
Father stared at me in silence. I know he is trying to gauge the sincerity of my understanding in Jin's decision to leave the Middle Kingdom to spend a year with his mother.
"Is this truly fine with you? That woman ordered an attack on us. Prince Jin will be close to that woman for a year." Father is clearly concern for Jin.
That thought made me smile. "Jin is her son, surely Jin's mother won't plot to kill her own son."
"I will not let anything pass on that woman. I don't know what she is capable of doing or not doing anymore." Father grumbled.
True. In truth, I am scared for Jin. I am scared of his mother. She is proving to be a selfish player on this game. Out to get what she wants, no matter the method she needs to do to get it. But every ambitious person can have that way of thinking. Every entitled person could think that way too. I think Jin's mother is both: ambitious and entitled.
It's too bad she is Jin's mother.
"It will be fine, Father." I said. If it's a lie, I couldn't admit to that.
"I think it's inconsiderate of him. There is no guarantee that you will marry him," Father snickered. I clamped my lips to avoid smiling at him. I still find it hard to feel enthusiastic about anything. I find nothing amusing nowadays. I'm missing my Nanny and there are times I am the hardest person to handle in our estate. But Father is being amusing now. "I mean, this new development is making me want to look for other option for you."
"Who will have the courage to pursue me when its widely known that I am General Wang's daughter and engaged to a Prince?" Does a stupid person like that exists in this world?
"Even so, what if your Prince get into trouble in the Mughal Kingdom. I think we should open our options, Hua." Father said. "I mean, I understand for loyalty and all...but nothing is guaranteed into this world. Maybe, your fate is not with Prince Jin. Huh? What do you think?"
"About what?" Is there a question that needs to be answered in my Father's words?
Father sighed. "About entertaining other options for you. What if we discreetly find another suitor for you? Start another process of finding a groom for you. Just to be safe." He explained.
I sighed. "Can I think about it before giving you an answer?" I couldn't outright call my Father's idea as ridiculous. Why is he plotting like this when he knows that I am bonded to Jin? Maybe it's easy to look for another suitor or groom to be. But giving my affection to another man will be another matter.
But Father is a wise man, maybe he will realize the ridiculousness of his plan, or he will pursue it thinking he is just looking after my welfare. Father is being cautious as always.
"Sure, think about it." Father passed a gentle hand on my hair. "How are you feeling today?"
"I didn't woke up crying," I told him.
"That's good," Father sighed out his relief. "Let's take advantage of this good day and accomplish great things. Maybe we can persuade the cook to teach you her signature beef stew."
Oh cooking...wonderful. "Maybe," I said noncommitally.
"Oh daughter." Father hugged me. "It will be fine." He said while rubbing my back. "Everything will be fine."
Will it? I don't know if everything will be fine. I don't even know what being fine means nowadays. I am trying to live hour by the hour without Nanny by my side. I'm trying to live knowing there is a wall between me and my brother. The ugly words we threw at each other will be hanging between us when we meet again. Now, Jin is leaving.
Everything will be fine...is something I find harder and harder to believe.
........................
(WANG DAO)
Once I heard that Prince Jin is determined to follow his plan of coming to the South Indes to keep an eye, or even potentially eliminate, Princess XiLen...I also took my time on deciding what I should do next.
Seeing different paths for my future, and deciding which path I should choose, is not really a fun exercise for me. It's a dilemma.
"It's only expected for us to be surprise at this sudden decision of Prince Jin to leave and accompany his mother back to the South Indes," Captain Ching mussed while we are supervising Crown Prince Han studying his proverbs with one of his tutors. "It's truly sudden. And you should feel affected because he is marrying your sister."
Oh Hua. I haven't thought about what this would mean for my sister. Although it's only a year of separation, I don't know how hard my sister will take this new development on her engagement. After a year in the South Indes, Prince Jin will be back and will resume planning his wedding with Hua, will it change anything? That's just one year.
"A lot can happen in one year," Captain Ching argued.
"True, but I think this separation will also give Hua the time to reflect on herself and mourn her Nanny. It will be hard but my sister has things to figure out by herself as well," I said.
"Oh, poor Lady Hua. You should be managing your time wisely from now on. Make time to visit your sister frequently and console her," Captain Ching scowled at me.
I cannot make him understand. Hua made it clear that she hates me and the only way I will gain her forgiveness is if I bring Nana back...which is impossible. Right now, the best thing I can do for my sister is to leave her alone and let things cool down between us. We were both hateful to each other on our last confrontation.
"She will handle it. She is strong. She is the strongest member of our family that consists of a Master General and a personal guard for the Crown Prince." I said.
"Still...be nice to your sister. Be more considerate." Captain Ching insisted.
"I will try," I said.
But I know I will fail. I have also made my mind.
I will confront my parents about their past.
"Bad idea," the voice in my head tutted. "Haven't we had this conversation already? They will lie to you."
"I don't care. I have to know. At least I have to look into their eyes as they lie to me." I said while preparing to go to the Wang Estate.
"You stubborn mule. I don't know what kind of reasoning you are following but this will just aggravate things in your family. It's already in a fragile state. Your home has been attacked and your sister is mourning, in case you are forgetting."
"I'm not forgetting that. But I need to do this." I closed my eyes. "And speaking of people forgetting things, haven't I told you to stay out of my head?"
"I also want to get out of your head, you jerk! But you are making highly questionable decisions in life and I am getting concern here. Stop making me feel concern about you, you jerk!"
"Hey, I think you are getting too comfortable calling me jerk." I observed.
"Because you are one. Look, can't you think about this some more? There is no harm in thinking about certain things some more. Think about this a million times more."
"You won't sway me anymore. I have made up my mind to do this." I said. I am determine to do this. Of course I have no intention of letting this report spread out...but I at least should know the truth, right? I am their son. I deserve the truth from my parents.
"I want to know how GrandPa Wang really died. I want the truth spilled from my parents' lips. If Father was truly a former assassin, I will be good with that."
"Your Father was a former assassin. Happy? Now, stop this stupid decision of yours."
This voice is annoying. "What do you know? Do you know what happened in my parents' past? Huh?!"
The voice in my head quieted. I though that's the end of the discussion when it spoke again.
"They will lie to you."
"I don't care..."
"Liar."
"True. I won't pretend that hearing my parents lie will not be hard for me. They always make it a point to be truthful to me even if what they say is not to my advantage. But I have to do this."
"Why?"
"Because this is the only way I know I can do for my family right now. Seek the truth and keep it safe."
"Why do people always need to hear the truth? What's the truth anyway? I'd be happy not knowing any hard truths. Keep me in a safe lie...I will be fine there."
"You must be lying or being lied to most of your life," I said with a chuckle.
"Lying keeps me alive. It also keeps the most important person to me alive. I won't stop lying to survive..."
"Then you and I are different. I won't live in any lie. Give me the truth and let me decide for myself what I will do with it. I won't stay in the darkness just because it's comfortable there."
"You are very privilege. I sometimes forgot just how comfortable you have been living your life..."
"What do you know about me?" I frowned.
"You are Wang Dao. Sixteen years old. Twin brother of Wang Hua. Raised and cherish by Feng Jian Yu, your Father. Pride of General Wang. The future of the Wang legacy. A pampered rich boy who never experienced hardship before. At least Wang Hua knows the pain of losing someone very dear to her heart. Your Nanny is alive."
"Damn you!"
"Now now, don't be mad at someone who is telling you the truth. You like honesty, right? Then I am giving it to you. You, who lived in privilege and safety. Maybe you are right, it's about time you experience how imperfect the world is and the people you love. Maybe it's time for Young Master Wang Dao to experience some disappointment in life. Go on, confront your parents. I won't stop you anymore."
"You never had a chance to stop me anyways."
"True. And oh, as long as you are confronting your parents, ask them about the MoonEyes Seer as well. Watch them lose their collective composure with that question. Ah, I now wish I am there to witness everything. This might be entertaining for me."
"MoonEyes Seer? That one is not real."
If Hua thinks that me talking to a presence in my head is ridiculous, the idea of a seer is more ridiculous to me.
"If that will be your parents' answer for you...know that they are lying. They know the MoonEyes Seer. Believe me."
"Why would I believe you?"
"Then don't believe me. No one is forcing you to believe, Wang Dao. You can decide that for yourself. I have to go now..."
"Then go. I don't need you."
The voice in my head turned completely silent. I think it left my consciousness now. At least that voice has manners to say it is leaving.
But it failed to convince me to change my mind. I will confront my parents to know the whole truth from them.
.......................
(GENERAL WANG)
"How is Hua?" I asked Dayu as soon as I am done changing from my uniform to my indoor robes.
Dayu sighed. "What do you think? Trying to live as normally as she can. But even though she is denying it, I know this sudden decision of Prince Jin to leave is affecting her."
"The First Prince already discussed this matter with his Majesty. The decision was made, it has the blessing of the crown and so Hua has to contend herself to wait for her fiance. One year is a short time, my heart. I waited for seven years for you. A year will be nothing," I said to Dayu.
"Very commendable of you to wait for me when you could have married, sire children and rose to being a general. Oh come to think of it...all of those things happened," Dayu's tone was laced with bitterness.
I sighed at his sarcastic tone, "I said I waited for you, not that I sat on my hands doing nothing while I am alone. Idleness and I don't suit, Dayu ah. I did what I had to do to pass the time while you are healing." I said to defend myself and past actions to get where we are.
Dayu winces, "My apologies. Of course I don't put all your achievements and work while we were separated against you. And heavens know I feel grateful that you sired children because I cannot imagine life without our twins. I just..." my lover sighed.
I went to him to get him into my arms. "Why are you grumbling about now? I know this sudden decision of Prince Jin to leave will disrupt your plans for their wedding but, you can continue the preparation for their nuptial even if the Prince is gone. You can always consult the Empress for advice on how to throw a huge banquet for the children's wedding." I suggested.
"The Empress and I are still wary of each other. I don't desire for her to like me. It's enough for me that she seems to like Mei and ShuYin." Dayu said.
"That's good then. One less worry for you. It looks like Mei will have an agreeable in laws." I smiled at Dayu.
"Lucky Mei. At least the mother of the boy his daughter will marry is somewhat sane." Dayu grumbled. "Mine was a lying murdering witch."
I clamped my lips so as to not snicker in that summary of his about Princess XiLen. I lean down to kiss his unsmiling lips but stopped midway when a knock sounded from our door.
"Yes?" Dayu pushed me away to engage whoever it is outside of our door.
"Master Dayu, should we start preparing the table for dinner? Cook has prepared dishes that she hopes will delight and uplift the spirit of Lady Hua." A servant called from outside.
"Is it dinner time already?" Dayu and I turned our head to the grandfather clock situated at a corner of our room. It's 6 in the evening.
"A safe time to start setting the table," Dayu mumbled before calling out. "Yes, please prepare the table for dinner well. Don't spread the three settings that far from each other..."
"Do you mean four settings, Master Dayu." The servant replied.
"Four? Do we have a guest?" Dayu looked surprised as he asked that question to me. "Are you anticipating someone to join us for dinner? Did you invite someone to eat with us?"
"No," I shooked my head at him before calling out. "Do we have a guest?" I asked the servant outside.
"Not exactly a guest, General. The young Master is here."
"Dao?!" Dayu moved fast to the door and opened it. "My son is here? Where is he?" He asked the servant rapidly.
"Yes Master," the servant nodded. "In the West side, Sir. Putting...flowers to his Nana's grave." The servant added hesitantly.
I turned away at that information. My poor son. Hua might have lost her Nanny but Dao is grieving too. He loves her Nana too. "Of course he is...doing that." I heard Dayu uttered somberly. "Thank you. Please set the table well. We will be down to dinner soon. Where is Hua?"
"Will do, Master Dayu. The young Lady is in her room, with Nanny." The servant reported before I heard footsteps, meaning the servant has left. I turned to Dayu again. "Has Dao sent a message that he is visiting today?"
"No," Dayu sighed as he shook his head. "Did he mention some problem to you? Problem he is having while performing his duty to the Crown Prince."
"No. Dao is...keeping his own counsel close to his chest. He seldom seek my advice or wisdom these past few weeks." I told my lover. "What about you? Does he mention anything to his letters to you?"
"Same with me," Dayu's eyes were shadowed with concern. "What is happening to our children, Captain? What is happening to our family? Hua is trying to be brave all the time while Dao is becoming more and more unreadable as weeks pass. I feel like half the time, I don't know the children whom I raised." The fear on Dayu's tone is heartbreaking.
I hugged him again. "I don't know what is going on but I will set them straight. They cannot do this to us, we are their parents. They cannot give us griefs like this. Especially you," my heart goes to my lover who dedicated a decade of his life to our children's care. Doing his best to raise Dao and Hua, just for our twins to give him worry.
Dayu fisted my robe with his hands. "Please...I just...I just want them to be happy. That's all I ever wanted for Dao and Hua...for them to find the happiness I found with you." Dayu pleaded.
I hugged him tighter. We stayed like that until we were called downstair to eat dinner.
Our children were quiet while we were having our meal. I sensed that Dao and Hua are avoiding having eye contacts with each other as much as they can. If my instinct is right, the twins fought about something. But this time is different. They are not squabbling for candies or who gets to touch their Father's dagger the longer. Whatever the twins fought about is something serious and deep.
When we were almost done with our meal, Dao suddenly spoke up. "I am here because I have to tell you all something." He said.
Dayu smiled to hide his anxiousness. "With the expression on your face, this something seems serious."
"It is," Dao grimaced a bit. "I could even predict that you both won't like it so I suggest we finish eating first."
"Can you give us a clue about what you want to talk about?" I asked my son as I reach for the water cup.
Dao hesitated but then he found the courage to meet my gaze in the end. "I have decided...to resign as Crown Prince Han's personal guard."
Clank.
The sound of the water cup hitting the table echoed on the dining room when it slipped from my hand. It sounded so loud because the air around us suddenly stilled after my son's announcement.
Then I heard someone slapping a palm on tbe table that made it tremble and a shout of "WHAT?!" that made Dayo and Hua winced because of its loyd volume. Then I realized the action and question was made by me.