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Chapter Twenty One: The Ceremony.
As I wake, I hear two voices talking quietly a little bit away from me. My eyes flutter open, letting me see Seth and Logan talking in hushed voices by the door. Yawning, I stretch out and instantly regret it, my limbs aching so much I yelp in pain. "Lexie" Seth says as he shoots to my side in a second, helping me sit up as I feel too weak to do it by myself. "Morning" Seth says as he gets me settled.
"Morning" I reply. "Thank you" I add when he helps me into a more comfortable position.
"No problem" he replies, smiling beautifully.
"What's going on?" I ask as I glance over at Logan.
"I can't be with you today, it's part of the ceremony that I stay away" he says and I freeze, trying to put on a brave face.
"That's Ok" I say quietly, disappointed he won't be here.
"I won't be far" he smiles, seeing through me. He kisses my forehead and moves over to the door in a matter of seconds. He smiles again before whispering something to Logan and then going out of the door.
There is a slightly awkward silence in which Logan moves into the chair next to my bed. "How are you feeling?" Logan asks and I shrug.
"Good. Good so far anyway" I say, smiling slightly.
"How are you feeling about tonight? Nervous?" he asks and I nod.
"Yeah. I mean, I'm worried about screaming from the bite. I guess my main worry is about meeting everyone in the clan" I say and he laughs.
"That's what your worried about?" he asks and I nod.
"I'm so weak at the moment. What if they don't think I'm up to becoming a vampire?" I ask and he smiles.
"Of course you're up to it. You're going to be the strongest vampire in the world, everybody is excited about it, getting to meet you" he tells me and I shrug.
"What if the prophecy is wrong? Poppy predicted the transformation wouldn't happen so soon and she was wrong about that, what if she's wrong about this too?"
"You worry too much"
* * * * *
While I pretend to be asleep, I worry about everything surrounding the ceremony. I worry about meeting everybody, I worry about the bite . . . I worry about what I'm becoming. I have no choice in this, if I don't get bitten I'll become a vampire anyway.
I think about vampire life. Am I ready to become a creature of the night? Ready to become the thing of nightmares? Ready to become a murderer? I shiver thinking about it, the amount of people I'm going to kill to feed my diet, feed my addiction. Will it change me? Will I become a vampire completely obsessed with getting my next feed? I'm going to be the strongest vampire . . . does that mean I'll have to drink the most, too?
I think about the people I'll murder, the lives that were never fufilled. I think about the loss families will suffer; their child never returning home or their parents murdered carelessly.
Am I ready to do that?
I tell myself I have to be. This is happening whether I like it or not. I sigh, wishing I had a choice. I wonder what I could have possibly done so wrong to deserve this fate.
* * * * *
"Hey Lexie" Red says as he walks in. Logan stands from the chair and I raise an eyebrow.
"Hey Red, what are you doing here?" I ask, watching as Red sits in the seat Logan was just in.
"I'm here to look after you. We're taking shifts" Red explains and I nod.
"See you later, Lexie" Logan says and I smile.
"Thanks for everything, Lo" I reply and he winks before leaving.
"How are you feeling?" Red asks as I settle down in my bed, rolling on my side to face him.
"A little sick, but that's probably nerves" I say and he smiles sympathetically.
"There's nothing to be worried about, everyone is eager to see you" Red tells me.
"That's what is worrying me" I admit and he rolls his eyes, smiling.
"Silly girl" he sighs, sitting back in his chair. "Apart from nerves, how are you feeling?"
"A little weak. I'm hoping to sleep most of the day so I'll have enough energy to make it through tonight" I say.
"Then sleep. I don't mind" he says and I nod, rolling away from him and trying to catch some shut eye.
* * * * *
Gasping, I wake up from a hideous nightmare. Red watches me carefully as my eyes start to sting and my face crumples. Tears pour and I push my face into a pillow, wanting to hide myself from Red as I blush with embarrassment. "Why are you crying?" Red asks.
"Nightmare" I say in between sobs.
"What was it about, or don't you want to talk about it?" he asks.
"I was just dreaming about . . . about hunting and . . . I killed this woman . . . and she was crying and begging and . . . and then it was her funeral . . . and she had three little kids" I cry and he sighs.
"Does that worry you? Your diet and cravings?" he asks and I nod.
"Yeah" I reply, starting to stop crying, telling myself it isn't real. But there is a nagging voice saying it'll soon be happening.
"It's not that bad, you don't think about it after a while" he sighs.
"How can you not be thinking about it?!" I almost shriek, turning round to face Red with the last of my energy.
"I guess we're used to it, we've become numb to the guilt" he tells me.
"That's horrible. That's disgusting!" I screech.
"We're sorry for it, but we try and forget about it. We realise it's wrong and we're tearing apart families but we can't help it. It's like when humans eat animals, like pigs and chickens, you don't sit there crying about them. You don't think those animals have families?" he asks.
"But this is different! These are people! Humans!" I protest.
"So? Look, Lexie, it's no different from eating animals" he sighs and I can't help the part of me that agrees.
We sit in silence while I think about Red's words, wondering how many people he killed before he took on this attitude. I try not to let the guilt of my future diet affect me, pushing it to the back of mind, but it keeps resurfacing, making me think about it, making me feel so guilty. "How will I be on my first kill? Is it . . . is it easy?" I ask and he shrugs.
"It takes a while to do it without making too much of a mess. You're first kill is messy, you're too concerned about the blood to care about the person, to care about the noise, to care about the pain" Red says and I shiver. "Why did you want to know?"
"I want to be prepared. I want to know everything before this happens" I say.
* * * * *
When Red switches shifts with Meadow, I'm asleep, so when I wake I get a surprise to see her watching over me, sitting still on her chair with concentrating eyes. "Hey" I say.
"Hey, how are you?" she asks.
"I'm good thanks" I reply.
"I've brought the dress. You look like you've lost weight from the last fitting so I though it might need some alterations" she says and I sigh, feeling really upset to be hearing I've lost even more weight.
"More? I'm skin and bone already!" I cry.
"It's Ok, not much more, I promise" she says.
"But enough to have more alterations?" I ask, sadden and angry.
"I'm afraid so" she replies, biting her lower lip as she sees my disappointed face.
"Let's get this fitting done, then" I sigh.
Meadow has to support my weight as I hang on to her, having to let her dress me as I feel so weak and drained. When it's on me, my eyes sting again, looking at my reflection as the dress hangs off me. "Maybe more alterations than you thought, right?" I ask and she smiles sympathetically.
"I guess so" she says, tugging and pulling at the dress, trying to get it to fit perfectly.
I'm nothing more than a bag of bones. I sigh at my reflection, not believing I lost so much weight. "How can it even be possible? Surely you can't lose so much weight through not eating for just a week?!" I ask, staring at myself in the mirror.
"Don't forget this isn't normal. This transformation is like a disease, it's eating away at all the fat in your body, making you weaker" she tells me.
"When I turn will I still be this weight?" I ask and she nods.
"Only until you start drinking blood. That's the diet your body will approve of" she adds quickly, seeing my shocked, disappointed face. "That should do it" she murmurs, helping me out of the dress, into some PJ's and carrying me to the bed. While I get some sleep, she starts the work on my dress.
* * * * *
"You look lovely" I say as Meadow steps out of my en suite in her own dress.
"Thanks" she says, giving me a twirl and laughing playfully. She has her blonde hair curled and hanging loose, her beautiful face requires no make up and her eyes are shinning with excitement. She's wearing a sky blue dress that hangs loosely off her figure, but not drowning her like mine seems to do.
Meadow steps over to do the rest of my hair, straightening it for me since I don't have the energy. She gets my longest layer and ties the rest up, doing it a layer at a time. "Seth'll be happy to see you. I bumped into him earlier and he wasn't in the best of moods" she says and I smile, excited to see him too.
"Really?" I ask and she nods, smiling at my excited expression.
"How are you feeling about tonight? Nerves gone yet?" she asks and I fight the urge to shake my head, feeling her straighten a bit of my hair.
"Nope, if anything they've gotten worse" I admit and she rolls her eyes.
"You have nothing to worry about apart from actually making it through the night, you look so tired" she says.
"How long is it until it starts?" I ask.
"Half an hour. They're keeping it earlier and performing the bite earlier, too, so that it'll be easier for you" she tells me.
"That's nice of you all" I say.
"S'ok. I guess we all want you to get through the night" she says, finishing the layer of hair she's doing and letting some more down.
"How's everyone reacting to me? Red said they were eager but I'm not convinced. Aren't they angry with me?"
"Angry? Why would they be that?"
"From what I've been told, I pose a huge threat to myself and those around me. I thought people might be angry I'm throwing them into the unknown, throwing them into danger"
"They're not angry. They know it's not your fault and they're here to back you up"
"That's nice of them . . . I didn't expect that"
"We're here to support you. We all remember your grandmother, she was lovely to everyone she met, and everybody wants to help her grand daughter in her time of need"
* * * * *
Meadow helps me over to the top of the stairs and I hold on to the banister, feeling a rush of dizziness over me, making me tilt backwards.
"Whoa!" Meadow says, holding me up as I fall backwards, almost fainting. "Where's Seth?" she mutters to herself as she supports me.
"Here" a voice says behind us and I feel a hand on my waist. "Hey" he whispers in my ear as I lean against him.
"I have to go downstairs and wait for you guys. I'll see you later" she says. "Good luck!" she adds before disappearing down the stairs.
"Hello there" Seth says and I smile.
"Hey. How's your day been?" I ask and he kisses my cheek.
"Not too bad" he says. "I like your dress"
It's only then that I turn to see what he's wearing, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see how handsome he looks. He's wearing a black suit with a red waistcoat that has been embroided with a gold pattern, matching my dress. "You look great" I breathe, unable to take my gaze away from him. He smiles, kissing my lips lightly before we hear the music start downstairs. The classical music is light and happy, making me want to dance, and I would if I wasn't low on energy. Seth smiles, pulling me towards the stairs and waiting until we are introduced.
Butterflies fly around in my stomach, making me feel slightly sick as I breath deeply. I imagine the vampires waiting for me and I hope that Meadow was telling the truth, that they aren't angry with me and will accept me. I worry for a moment before banishing the thought from my head, concentrating on listening to the calming music, feeling slightly better but still nervous and worried.
Hearing his name called, he smiles at me, before helping me down the stairs, keeping a tight grip on my waist as we walk. When we reach the bottom, I see so many people, more than I expected. There are at least seventy in the room and I can't help but gasp, feeling even more nervous. Seth kisses my cheek, smiling at me and making me feel a little better. As people move out of our way, I wonder where Seth is taking me. "We have to stand on stage for a moment, let people see you" Seth whispers in my ear as he sees my confused and curious expression.
Standing on the stage, I watch as everybody turns to look our way, smiles on their faces. They start clapping and cheering. Seth leads me off the stage and the introductions start, all the vampires rushing to get first dips on us, wanting to talk to me and welcome me to the clan. I smile through it, leaning on Seth as I start to feel drained. Luckily the crowd is understanding and, as they see I'm beginning to drain of energy, keep their welcomes shot and sweet, rushing away so somebody else can greet me.
A formal dinner is served and I don't eat mine, worried of being sick in front of everybody. They are understanding, not forcing me to eat the beautiful feast laid out in my honor. Seth holds my hand tight under the table, eating his food quickly so the smell of it doesn't make me ill. He doesn't take his eyes off of me, making sure I'm feeling Ok, knowing that I need every ounce of my energy to make it through to the bite.
I grow with nerves as the bite approaches and when Seth tells me I have to get seated on stage, I know the bite is coming. There is a small red velvet stool on the stage, which I sit on, unsupported. Seth has to wait at the side of the stage as three vampires sprinkle crystal dust around me in some form of ritual. I look at my lap as they chant and bless me, a circle of crystal around me offering me luck and protection.
The audience watches with care, some mouthing the chant while others shout it. I see Red, Logan, Dustin and Meadow saying it, smiling in my direction as the ritual ends and the bite is coming.
Seth walks towards me, stepping carefully into my circle, not touching the crystal around me. He kneels next to me and strokes along my neck, making me shiver. I don't look at him, knowing my expression is terrified and I don't want him to reconsider. He kisses up and down my neck a few times before selecting a place to bite, placing one more kiss to warn me. "Ready?" he breathes.
"Yes" I reply, frozen in fear.
He kisses the spot once more before exposing his teeth, nipping at my neck lightly before he pauses. He bites.
I gasp in pain and grip on to the stool, the pain unbearable. I breath shakily and fast, the pain too much. I grit my teeth, no wanting to scream. He removes his teeth for a moment before resuming his place, his bite hurting twice as much as he replaces his teeth. He puts a hand on the back of my head, keeping me still as he bites. It seems like ages. My eyes are shut tight and my teeth are fighting to stay together. It all becomes too much.
Letting out a painful yelp, it soon turns into a scream, the pain consuming me. Tears fall from my eyes as he removes his teeth and kisses the spot, the bite over but the pain only just starting. Panting in pain, I fall from my stool, hitting the ground with a thud, destroying my protective circle. I feel hands lifting me, carrying me from the room, but I don't care, the pain all I can think about, the pain destroying me. I try to stop screaming, but I can't. My body fights the venom, rejects it from my system, but it spreads so easily, gliding over my defences and turning me.
"Help me" I yelp, the agony engulfing me.