RPOV
"What?" I asked, feeling as though I'd been frozen then balled over at his notification. Lucky I was already sitting down. "You've done what?" I felt my eyes bug.
Dimitri shook his too-attractive-for-my-own-good head. A smile played at the corner of his lips, teasing me. "Don't stress, Roza. We agreed on this, remember?"
I took a couple of slow steps toward him after standing up. I wasn't yet threatening to straddle him, but I was close enough to make breathing difficult for him. "I agreed, but not so soon." Unfortunately, my own breathing was troublesome and so my tone must have sounded as though I was trying to seduce him. A part of me had to wonder if that was what I was unintentionally doing.
His dark, alluring eyes held mine, regarding me levelly, seriously. I looked deeper still into them and noticed that the longer they held mine the more unsteady and distracted he became because of our current closeness. "I'm doing this for you, Roza, you have to understand that," he breathed. I could taste him. It was the last straw. My built up resistance to our attraction had pretty much been burnt to a crisp in the cabin last week. The distance between us was suddenly too much for me to handle. I straddled him and my lips crashed into his. So much was conveyed in that slow and tender yet simultaneously needy kiss. The hungry way he returned the kiss told me he was already exhausted because of having to force himself to avoid me once more after he'd just made peace with his feelings for me, my importance in his life, how badly he needed to always be physically linked with me.
"How can you possibly believe it's best for me to take that away from me? How can you believe that you'll survive without it?"
Dimitri regarded me seriously while trying to steady his breathing. "If I stay, Roza, something is going to go horribly wrong and your future will be destroyed. I won't be the reason."
For a while I just studied him, trying to understand his words and find my own acceptance of them. Soon I found it. "You're scared." I didn't need to ask. Sometimes I just knew these things about him. "You're scared I'm going to make you lose control... again."
His eyes clouded. He only replied by bringing his lips to rest on mine, biting my lower one while dropping his hands from my waist to my ass. He pulled me impossibly closer.
"You have no control with me, and you know it. You know I know it."
"I have plenty of control. And if you work with me and accept this, then I'll show you who has no control when I return to see you take your trial and graduate." The serious yet playfully husky note made me shiver. It didn't help that his eyes sparkled before he continued. "I'll do things to you that will have you losing control before you realise it." I was certain I'd fallen in love with an angel, now I was left wondering if he was in fact a devil. After all, it felt as though he was now the one seducing me. Not that he ever needed to try seducing me and making me fall for him.
DPOV
I'd been at Court for a month when Rose emailed me she was coming to Court because the Queen wanted to speak with Lissa.
We'd been emailing since the moment I'd gotten to Court. Of course, she and I had had to set up new accounts in order for it to be somewhat safe to talk about deeper issues such as how she was handling Lissa's darkness and how much she missed and loved me. How Kirova had been replaced by a politically motivated royal whose daughter was splitting her from Lissa and seducing Adrian and the emotional impacts that had on her. I tried urging her to stop taking Lissa's darkness, to talk to Dr Olendzki and her counsellor about whether or not mood stabilisers would cut her off from the darkness like the med's Lissa had been on cut off Lissa's access to spirit. Not my smartest idea, but I thought she'd consider it given she wasn't asking Lissa to sacrifice the magic. There had been no reasoning with her. So I was resolved that I'd take her to see Rhonda and a doctor here at Court. I knew she wouldn't like it, but I had my ways to convince her. I could not handle the thought she could possibly lose herself to the darkness again, but this time I wouldn't be there to help her out of it before it was too late.
"Hello?" Guardian Hathaway's voice commanded respect and brought butterflies to life in my stomach. Was I really doing this already? I must be going mad... then again, I was already driven insane by the depth of my love for Rose. I had to do this somewhat properly, to salvage any honour left in our relationship.
"Guardian Hathaway, this is Guardian Belikov." What was I doing? I was asking for trouble. Then again, trouble was Roza's middle name.
"Yes Guardian Belikov, what can I do for you?"
Just come out and ask her. It's not that hard. Rose would blurt it out like ripping a bandaid off. It's fucking terrifying! "I want to ask you a favour..." Her permission was more than just a favour. It left me in lifelong debt.
"What kind of favour, Guardian Belikov?" Her voice conveyed her hesitance and a little curiosity. I had many allies in the Guardian ranks, and quite a few of them were highly respected, so I'm certain she was wondering why the hell I was ringing to ask her a favour.
"One regarding your daughter..." My heart was racing and my throat and chest threatened to annihilate my ability to breathe. I could hardly think, let alone speak.
"What about her? You've transferred to Court, haven't you? She's no longer your responsibility." She'll always be my responsibility, her safety and sanity will always be my responsibility.
I steeled myself. "I want your permission to court her," I confessed. I'd never felt like I could so easily be snapped in half.
Silence dominated. What the hell was she thinking? "You want what?"
"I want your permission to date Rose." At this stage of our relationship, maybe—no, not maybe, certainly, certainly—dating was the more realistic term for how I wanted to build our love up in a modern-yet-traditional-and-proper, Rose would say outdated-noble, way. But I knew she deserved nothing less than the best, and she was dead-set on being happy with whatever I could afford and manage for her. And, god, did it make me love her more.
"Where the hell did this come from? She's barely eighteen, Belikov. She's still in high school, for crying out loud! Not to mention, Guardians don't have accepted or easy relationships. Do you realize how much damage to her reputation you're asking me to allow? She's my only child and you're asking me to allow you to destroy the recent repairs to her reputation. Especially considering you only stopped being her mentor a month ago."
My jaw set. "I know, Hathaway, but she means a lot to me and we'll deal with whatever opposition comes up, the impacts on both our reputations. Together." I knew for sure my stellar reputation would be severely marred, but for Rose, I would deal with it, I didn't care as long as I had Rose by my side. A life without love was a life not lived. At least in my opinion. Especially when that love was the indescribable, earth-shattering love I felt for Roza.
"This could get her expelled, Belikov, and I'm not okay with that."
"She would only get expelled if she was still my student."
Rose's mother grunted in annoyance. "Belikov, people will want to rip apart your history if I agree. I'm already about to tear down the guard to your secrets with her. Is she really worth it? Is she worth losing your job and being jailed if the wrong evidence turned up?"
I wanted to growl. Of fucking course she was worth it. "She's worth dying for..." I remembered my promise to her last time we were here. "She's worth killing to protect."
I was met with silence once more. "Do you love her? Yes or no."
"Yes."
"Are you in love with her? Yes or no."
"Yes."
"Would you sleep with her? Yes or no." This was it. The very ugly conversation that was worse than facing down countless Strigoi. This had to be that ugly conversation.
"Yes."
Hathaway didn't miss a beat asking the next question. "Would you marry her? Yes or no."
I hadn't expected that. Still, I responded honestly. "Yes."
"Have you slept with others? Yes or no."
I hated people digging into my past. But to have permission to date Rose, I would deal with it. "Yes."
"Would you ever cheat on her? Yes or no."
"Never."
"Would you ever hurt her, abuse her physically or emotionally? Yes or no." She worried about Rose more than Rose believed.
"No." I had never meant to hurt her while we were both trying to accept that we should never be. There was no way in hell I would turn into my ass of a father. I wouldn't let him near her if he ever accidentally found us. Rose wouldn't let me become a repeat of him anyway. She'd kick my ass then leave my sorry butt quick-smart if I ever lost control that way.
"Have you already slept with her. Yes or no, Guardian Belikov. If it's a yes, I don't want to hear excuses or explanations as to why you slept with my underage daughter—your underage student."
I took a breath before biting the bullet and confessing. "Yes."
Janine Hathaway growled and I swear I heard something smash in the background. After a few deep breaths she asked me another question. "Did you force her? Yes or no."
"No."
"You are aware the law says a seventeen year old isn't mature enough to consent to any kind of sexual activity with someone as older than her as you are."
"The law does say that, but she was mature enough to understand that."
Janine scoffed. "She's hardly mature, Belikov."
"She may act young, but she understands things such as the relationship between good and evil and life and death to a degree many much older than her don't. She understands why we can't both guard the same Moroi. She understood why we shouldn't have."
"Yet you did it anyway!"
"Because she loves me as much as I love her."
Again, Janine Hathaway fell silent. "I can't believe I'm about to say this. I give you permission. I don't like it and I don't agree, but I give you permission. That said, if you don't treat her right for half a nanosecond or don't try to minimise the damage to her reputation, I swear I'll throw your ass in jail quick smart and if you ever get parole then freedom I'll have Abe Mazur hunt you down and there'll be no way to avoid the damage he'll do to you. Understand?"
"Yes, Guardian Hathaway. Thank you."
"Don't go thanking me, Belikov; I'm only giving you permission because I suspect Rose will have my head if I try to keep you away from her." She ended the call without another syllable.
She might not have liked it, but she had given me permission. And right now, that was all that really mattered to me, all I really wanted and needed.
"Roza!" I pulled her into my chest the second I set eyes on her. It hadn't been that long since I'd last seen her, but it only took one glance for me to see she'd matured dramatically.
"Comrade," she whispered. I could feel her relieved and happy smile as I shut the door to my room and guided her inside. "Why did you have to torture me by transferring?"
I hadn't heard her voice in thirty-three days. Right now I'd do anything to keep her talking. "I love you." I sat on the end of my double bed with her on my lap.
"I love you, but that's no excuse. Do you know how cured I feel right now?"
I chuckled at her antics. "You can't possibly believe this separation has been easy for me."
She growled. "Don't laugh at my pain, Dimitri Belikov, or I might not email you again until I graduate."
"I'd like to see you survive the three months, Roza." Before she could respond, I kissed her as if I needed her to breathe, which I'm pretty sure I did—at least it felt that way. Once I could breathe without our tongues dancing, I asked her something I'd been dying to do since the first time I'd realised how badly I wished we could be together. "Will you go out with me for lunch?" I knew we were together—we'd already had mind-blowing, love-making, crazy-passionate sex—but that didn't mean I was guaranteed a date with her. Her look that said 'I think you've lost your mind' proved it. Then it softened into her very rare sappy smile.
"Of course, Comrade."
I couldn't help my delighted moan, try as I might.
Roza laughed before moving away from me. I felt cold without her contact... I always had, in all reality.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"To get ready, of course."
I shook my head at her. "You're perfect the way you are, so don't dare leave to try dressing to impress me." Besides, I wanted to take her to see Rhonda first, then the doctor afterwards. Then ask her out to dinner too. Apparently Lissa had sidelined Rose and chosen to have Avery show her all the places she should go to win the favour of other cool young royals. They were leaving mid-morning or something, apparently.
Rose's face shone with disbelief. "But—"
"Come with me; there's a few places I want to take you." I offered her my hand—which she took with a look of surprise and delight—and led her out of and away from my room.
I didn't let Rose's hand part from mine as I led her towards the spa building. We undeniably got looks of shock while we walked through Court. I wasn't one for public displays of affection, especially given the way our society worked, but there was no way I was risking Rose working to change our course or her running in the opposite direction when she realised where I was taking her. Not to mention, I was sick of hiding and dealing with the way boys and men looked at her as if she was an easy conquest. She was my partner and the world was going to know it, no matter how much outrage we faced, how much slander, how many horrible rumours. Let them be mad. They were going to have to learn to deal with it. Because Rose was mine and I was hers.
When Rose realized I was taking her to meet with Rhonda, her opposition kicked in. "Why would you bring me here? I thought you understood—" Sometimes her outrage and disbelief was cute. Now was not one of those instances. Right now, she needed as much guidance as she could get.
"Roza," I warned, "I understand you're skeptical, but right now, I need you to keep an open mind that this might help you understand Lissa and Adrian's unusual behaviours or help indicate what the darkness could do to you if you keep pulling so much of it and let the side-effects go unchecked."
Soon enough, Rhonda summoned us into the room that was overly decorated in red. She took one look at Rose and her expression told me she understood why I was so worried about her and had asked her to see us around this time today.
"Rose, Dimitri, please sit."
A still uncertain Rose sat beside me on the cushions opposite Rhonda. "You look as though you don't need to have me choose cards." Rose's blunt nature still shocked me at times. I wished I could be more like that when it counted, but in certain situations I wished she had more control of her tongue.
Rhonda regarded Rose levelly, then looked between us. There was an unsurprised and knowing twinkle in her eye. "Your partner told me he's worried about you not being able to maintain control of your shadow-kissed side effects. I can almost feel it. I recommend you do at least two readings today, it will clear up some things for you." Rhonda took a moment to speak directly to me while she let a stunned Rose process her words. "Will you have a reading done too, Dimitri?"
I nodded. "Yes ma'am."
She had Rose cut three cards for her first reading. After closely studying the cards and Rose she told us her conclusions. "You're going to make sacrifices to unravel the misdemeanours and scheming going on around you."
Rose's expression was not what I'd expected. She nodded thoughtfully and in acceptance. Then again, she did once say if it was more than the obvious she'd consider changing her views of the arts Rhonda practiced.
"Who next?"
"Would you like me to go next, Rose? Give you some more time to think?"
Rose shook her head while Rhoda started shuffling again. "No. I want to see what else could be hinted at."
This time Rose cut five cards. Even Rhonda looked confused at the combination. "This is giving me three options... but it doesn't make sense..."
"Well, what are the options?" There was a nervous edge in her voice.
"One's telling me you'll bring light into the world when it's most needed. Another's saying you'll bring life into the world when it's least expected. The last one is saying new life will light your next journey."
Rose was speechless. And that spoke volumes. Then she distractedly whispered, "Dimitri's turn."
I cut five cards.
"That's not supposed to be possible!" Rhonda exclaimed in a whisper. She brought her eyes up to meet mine. "No two people are supposed to ever be able to draw the same cards in the same order, especially not at the same time."
She had me recut. The result was the same. The same five cards as Rose in the same order.
"Rose, I need you to try something."
Rose snapped out of her trance and agreed to whatever it was that Rhonda wanted her to do.
"I need you to cut five cards and Dimitri to cut five cards—at the same time." This was not something I had seen Yeva do, and I highly suspected Rhonda was improving as we went, concerned, confused and challenged.
We cut the combined ten cards. Rhonda laid them in front of us and between us. The result was the same. With one addition. "And share a love that will survive against all odds and bring light."
Shaken, Rhonda let us go, saying it was on the house, given she couldn't understand why we had drawn the same hand that had no single message.
We went to lunch at the guardians' favourite café. The guardians may have been able to restrain from gossiping while we were eating at a table by the window. But they sure knew how to stare.
"What do you think she meant by our love bringing light?" Rose suddenly asked.
I shook my head. "I don't know. But I didn't get the feeling it meant it would change attitudes towards relationships between guardians."
Rose nodded then we fell silent again. But not for long. "I just wish I could connect some more dots, I feel like I'm missing something obvious. Like that we drew the same cards in the same order in the way we did is the major clue, but I just can't see what's right in front of me!"
Rose didn't argue when I asked her to go see a doctor at the hospital, at least to put my mind at ease. I technically wasn't supposed to be allowed into the exam room, but once Rose explained that she wasn't going in without me, the doctor reneged.
"We can't know for sure unless we trial a few, and for the sake of getting you to graduation, I suggest we do try to at least control the symptoms. Would that be something you'd like to investigate?"
Rose took one look at my pleading and anguished expression. I feared for her wellbeing so much at the moment it was messing with my eating and sleeping more than ever. Rose nodded. "Yes."
The doctor gave me an uncertain and awkward look, maybe even slightly apologetic.
"I've already said that anything you want to ask can be asked with Dimitri in the room."
"Okay... Rose, for the sake of the routine safety check, I have to ask you a few questions that will confirm or disprove my theory that more than just the darkness is involved here..."
"Ask away."
"Are you sexually active?"
How Rose didn't blush was beyond me. "Yes."
The doctor made a note. "Have you had unprotected sex recently?"
Rose nodded. "Yes."
The doctor definitely sent me a sympathetic look. "Is there any chance you're pregnant?"
"N–" It was in that moment of hesitation that I knew and I sensed Rose realised what that reading meant, why we'd drawn the same cards in the same order. It was in that moment I knew a pregnancy test would come up as positive... with me as the baby's father. "Yes."
"In that case, I'm going to ask you to take a test and then we'll do a scan." I was ninety-nine-percent sure there was a one-hundred-percent chance that Rose was pregnant with my baby, our love child.
And I was right. Rose was six to eight weeks pregnant with our baby. Rose explained that the baby had another dhampir as Daddy. And the doctor had immediately turned to me, suspicious but not judgmental let alone condemning. If our love was this obvious when we were relaxed-and-friendly-but-professional then I dreaded the possible implications of the potential palpable tension that may have existed between us at the Academy.
"I'm going to contact St Vladimir's, Her Majesty and Guardian Croft to recommend they graduate you immediately, no arguments, and assign you a part-time desk job until the time comes when you can return to full-time work then to the field."
Rose just nodded numbly.
"I can't do this, Comrade!" Rose hissed in a whisper when she walked through the door to my dorm.
I couldn't help pulling her into my arms and kissing the top of her head. "Yes, you can, Roza. WE can. We're a team and I'll be with you every step of the way. I won't let you be alone through any of this. Got it?"
She hiccuped and nodded into my chest. I was just as scared as her. I may have so much more experience with family and babies and little kids, but I'm certain she's underestimating her ability to adapt. I know she doesn't want to abandon our baby to an Academy, but I also know that sacrificing the start of her career—suspending it—will test her. But for now, the doctor has given us the best way for her to have both.
"I need to go save Lissa," Rose stood from the table we were having our dinner date at later that night at one of the more Moroi-frequented restaurants. "I'm so sorry, Comrade. I'll see you later." She leaned across the table and kissed my cheek before walking away. Well, she was sprinting as fast as I'd ever seen once out the door. My lips tugged upwards and I didn't resist the need to smile after her. I wasn't just proud of her accomplishments this year, the way she'd matured and improved, I fell in love with her all over again because of it. If I could, I would marry her right here and now. The thought hadn't seriously crossed my mind until Janine had asked me, but now I wanted nothing more than to tie her to me as well as the Moroi; to tie myself to her as much as I was tied to the Moroi. And with the strengthening of that desire—that need— I realised the only way to truly give her as much as I possibly can here at Court was to at least propose. Soon. Very soon. Especially with our baby on the way.