Hey, I'd really like some feedback on the book so far: Good or bad!
Thank you, ox.
Chapter Twelve: Decisions.
I bolt down the stairs and look for Seth, but he's gone, disappeared into thin air. Sighing, I walk back up the stairs, knowing I'll get into even more trouble if I just leave rehearsals. Kicking a box in frustration, I groan and sit on the table, kicking myself for bringing up Rex. Why did I have to open my mouth? Why did I have to feel guilty?
I put my head in my hands and sigh, wishing I had done that differently. Mr. Berts calls for me to close the curtains, wrapping up rehearsals early. I do them quickly before rushing down stairs and running through the corridor, hoping that Seth hasn't left yet. I run out of the school and see him walking slowly down the road. I run after him before stopping, knowing I can't talk to him in public, but wishing I could. As if sensing my presence, he turns around and I give an apologetic look. He shrugs and then smiles quickly, walking off and leaving me standing on the pavement.
Walking home, I regret bring up Rex, wishing I had left it to dwell on at home. What am I going to do? I ask myself, groaning at the thought of dumping Rex, everything in my 'perfect' life becoming difficult. Then again, can I end it with Seth? Even though we haven't been seeing each other for long, I can't stand the thought of not having him around, as a boyfriend or just a friend.
Reaching my house, I unlock the door and I hear my parents arguing, not helping my already irritated and emotional mood. I slam the door, seeing red from my parents shouts. I try and stop myself from going up there and shouting at them, flinging myself on the sofa and burying my head under a cushion. I groan and then growl, disappointed and angry, wishing I hadn't said anything or felt guilty. Why did I feel guilty? I don't love Rex, I'm having trouble even liking him at the moment, so why did I feel guilty about cheating on him?
"What am I going to do?!" I sigh, hitting the sofa angrily before feeling a pull of sadness, wanting to talk things through with Seth, but not knowing what I would even say. I want him around, but am I ready to risk my reputation, my popularity, my friendships, just to have him?
I groan, hearing how ridiculous it is, 'my popularity' over a person I like? How selfish of me! Seth was right, I hardly like Casey, she's a snobby, stuck up, bitchof a best friend who does nothing but make things difficult. The onlyreason I'm still around is because sometimesshe can be alright, but not what Iwould consider a friend.So,should I dump Rex and hope for the best? Should I make it public with Seth, hoping Casey accepts it?
I laugh at the last question, Casey would never accept it. Part of me worries about it, but the most of me says 'So what?!'.
* * * * *
Casey doesn't know about my plan yet, and she'll freak when I tell her, but my mind is made up, I've made my decision. As we approach the school, I see Rex standing outside the gate, fag in mouth, waiting for me. I feel a wave of guilt and pressure, but I ignore it, walking straight up to him and smiling slightly. He goes to kiss me but I shake my head. He raises an eyebrow but I smile, kissing his cheek quickly before he takes my hand and we walk inside. I see Seth as we walk through the corridors of school and I smile at him, a sharp nod and a quick wink before Rex pulls me along.
When we get to form, I refuse to let Rex kiss me, smiling sweetly before going into the classroom and sitting at the back, and waiting for the others to arrive. I'm applying more lip gloss when Casey slams her bag on the table.
"What got into you this morning?" she says as she sits next to me.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Rex! You barely let him touch you, what the hell happened?!" she replies.
"Nothing. I just don't want him touching me more than necessary!" I tell her.
"But he's your boyfriend!" Mitzy pipes in.
"Not for long" I sigh and Casey gasps.
"You're not!" she growls.
"Yeah, I am Casey, I'm fed up of the lies and guilt. I don't want Rex, never have, it's only you demanding we stay together that's stopped me breaking up with him sooner!" I admit and her mouth drops.
"Wait, you and Rex weren't really together, or something?" Mitzy asks and I laugh.
"He wants me, Mitz, sure he does. The feeling isn't mutual. I don't love Rex, I'm actually having a hard time even liking him at the mo, but Casey said I had to go out with him because he held my popularity in his hands. It's all been a lie!" I tell her.
"You can't dump him, Lexie! Think about it, do you really want to be as low as the Dreamer's?" she asks and I shrug.
"Lie or be honest? Hard choice" I say sarcastically, glaring at her.
"You're making a huge mistake!"
"He might be accepting, Casey. He told me he would understand!"
"And you believed him? You're an idiot, Lexie, he's going to hate you. He fucking loves you and you're about to break his heart!"
"It's nothing you haven't done before" I murmur so low she can't hear.
While Casey mutters and mumbles about what an idiot I am, Mitzy and Rose support me, glad I'm telling the truth and wishing me luck.
* * * * *
Uncontrolable nerves hit me as soon as the lunch bell goes and I sigh, knowing this isn't going to easy, but it'll be worth it. Seeing Rex waiting for me, I sigh again, feeling bad but knowing I have to do this.
"Hey babe, I missed you" he says and I smile apologetically.
"We need to talk" I tell him, taking his hand and walking onto the field, dragging him behind me. I take him to thefurthest corner, not wanting anybody to watch, needing privacy.
"So?" he asks, going to wrap himself around me as I move from his reach.
"We need to talk" I repeat and he raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah?" he replies, smiling sweetly, making me feel even more guilty.
"We need to break up" I tell him and he freezes.
"Oh" he says and I watch as he looks sad.
"I'm sorry, Rex, I really am" I say and he shakes his head.
"I thought things were good" he sighs and I shake my head.
"No, they're not"
"What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing. Rex, you did nothing wrong apart from love me"
"I . . . I don't understand why you're breaking up with me. How . . . why . . . what? Is there somebody else?" he asks and I shake my head. "Tell me the truth!" he barks and I flinch, slightly scared of him.
"N-no" I say and he shakes his head, not believing my lie. Now he sees through me . . .
"There is, isn't there? You've been cheating on me, haven't you!" he growls and I shake my head again.
"I wouldn't do that to you!" I reply.
"You bloody have, Lexie! I thought you loved me, evidently I was wrong. Who is he?!" he asks.
"Nobody! I haven't . . . I wouldn't!" I stammer.
"Y'know what, thanks. Thanks for ending it, because now you've saved me the job" he retorts, walking off and leaving me standing there, worried and scared.
* * * * *
"How'd it go?" Mitzy asks as I walk into the lesson.
"How'd you think?" I sigh, my head in my hands.
"He didn't take it well?" Rose asks and I shake my head.
"You shouldn't have done it" Casey says, slightly happy at my miserable state.
"Fuck off" I sigh under my breath, hoping she didn't hear.
"So? How is he? Did he shout?" Rose asks and I nod.
"Yeah. He thought I was cheating on him" I tell her.
"Were you?!" Mitzy asks and Casey leans forward, juicy gossip about to be revealed.
"Of course not!" I reply, acting hurt.
"Sorry, after certain things happening, you can never be too sure" Rose says, looking at Casey quickly and making me smile.
Rose and Mitzy comfort me while Casey sits on her high horse, feeling good that it wasn't easy for me, feeling happy I'm suffering. What a wonderful 'best friend'!
* * * * *
Sitting on the table in the landing, I stare at the door, waiting for him, nervous, anxious, impatient. I feel worried, wondering if he'll show. Surely he heared, he must know what happened at lunch, he must do!
The news of my break up hit the school, everybody knowing by the end of the day, shooting Rex sympathetic looks and glaring at me before Casey shouted at them, actually defending me, somethingI didn't expect.
I sigh, waiting and watching. I hear Mr. Berts shouting at his actors and I roll my eyes, not caring. He shouts for the curtains and I open them, hanging my head as I walk back onto the landing. "Hey there" his voice says and I put my head up, smiling as Seth sits on my table. I nod, not able to speak. "So, you broke up with Rex" he says, not a question, a statement. I nod again and he smiles.
We stand in silence for a bit before Seth walks up to me and takes my hand, his other one stroking my face. "Thank you" he says.
"For?" I ask.
"Breaking up with him. I'm sorry I put pressure on you to do it, though" he sighs.
"It's fine, I needed to break up with him eventually" I shrug and he smiles.
"Still, you didn't need me shouting at you" he says, stroking my face lightly.
"You didn't shout" I say and he smiles again, kissing the tip of my nose and making me smile, blushing slightly. Then he kisses my lips lightly before winking, making me giggle.
"I have to say, though, we can't tell anyone, this has to be secret for a while" I say and he smiles, nodding. "It's not that I'm ashamed of you, it's that I can't just dump Rex and get straight together with you without causing suspicion"
"You're thinking about going public?" he asks.
"I'm going to talk to Casey. Not yet, though, it'll be too difficult. Hopfully I'll be able to convince her" I say.
"Don't push yourself, Lexie. She's never going to accept me, so maybe you should leave it. I don't mind" he replies.
"No, I have to try. Not just for you, but maybe I can make things easier for Meadow, too" I tell him.
"Perhaps" he says, kissing my cheek.